Knight_Ctrl Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 After a week and a half of stewing over my breakup on the couch due to my broken ankle (we broke up almost two months ago) I finally caved this morning and sent my ex a text message. This is how the convo went..... there are a few from me in a row because my text is limited to 160 letters per message. Me: I was just looking at your prom pics I stumbled upon and it reminded me how beautiful you are. All this time without you showed me how lucky I really was... Me: I can never forgive myself for not being good enough. You're still the first thing I think of when I wake up...Even after all this time. All of this just... Me: Reminds me more how much I still care about you. Its tough to lose your angel. Me: I don't hope to gain anything from texting you...I probably shouldn't be...If you're happy then forget all about me, I've wanted to forget about you....I can't. Her: Actually...its such a relief to hear from you. I've though about you every day. I've wanted so bad to just talk to you....but I promised you I wouldnt. Me: I've just been trying so hard to just leave you alone I finally just caved this morning. I've missed you. Her: I've missed talking to you...so much. I was so close to seeing you the night you went to the hospital..but I had to fight every urge of my being not to, cause I didnt think you wanted to see me. I've just wanted to call you and ask if you needed anything everytime I went to the store I've just wanted to be here for you...to talk to you.. Me: I dont know how I would've reacted honestly. Broken ankel really sucks, surgery sucked more. Even through that **** I was still thinking about you at the hospital. Her: I know...I have no idea how either one of us would have reacted...I just wanted you to know that I still care...and im still here. how is your ankel? ...how are you holding up?? Me: Ankel is very broke lol, I've been stuck on the couch for two weeks now. Get to go to the doc on friday, I'm holding up moderately, im real tired of sitting. Her: I'm glad to hear youre holding up...i bet you are tired of sitting! lol :3...is there anything I can do? to make your stay easier? lol... Me: You can call me tonight....I miss hearing your voice and I think it would....calm me. Her:...ok I can do that It'll be really nice to hear your voice as well...are you absolutely sure? :-/ Me: I'm positive, I didnt even know i was able to miss even talking to someone. Im not going anywhere (ankel lols) so call whenever you want to. Her: Is it bad that, that made me giggle? lol....:3 Me:nah, I giggle at crippled kids too =p Her: hehehehehe x) . What do you guys make of this...I sure hope I just didnt set myself up for massive failure....
DSM-IV Tom Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 It's impossible to judge based off what you have just presented. Is her behavior out of the ordinary? What are you expecting? You need to ask her what she wants. If she says "i dont know" (thats the most common answer) then hell yes you've set yourself up for more pain. You shouldn't have held onto those pictures of your ex, once you broke up. Why would you? Even if you got back together and had those pics, all they would serve to do is remind you of how different things used to be. Because things are never the same after a breakup. You need to burn all that. Immediately.
Author Knight_Ctrl Posted December 17, 2008 Author Posted December 17, 2008 It's impossible to judge based off what you have just presented. Is her behavior out of the ordinary? What are you expecting? You need to ask her what she wants. If she says "i dont know" (thats the most common answer) then hell yes you've set yourself up for more pain. You shouldn't have held onto those pictures of your ex, once you broke up. Why would you? Even if you got back together and had those pics, all they would serve to do is remind you of how different things used to be. Because things are never the same after a breakup. You need to burn all that. Immediately. yeah, i did have a burn after we broke up. it was stuff that was in my closet or otherwise pics i forgot i had put in a spot that i just happened to come across them. trust me I know to just torch everything, this was an accident and it set me off. To be honest I wasn't expecting her to miss me in return....it really surprised me.
DSM-IV Tom Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 I see, I see. Very understandable. Do not look at those pictures again, though, just get rid of them immediately. I am going to shoot down your hopes specifically because that's what needs to be happen. I'm going to set you up for what is most likely reality, that way you aren't let down hard. She most likely just misses you as a person. This doesn't mean she wants to be with you or is interested in being with you. She most likely truly has no interest in getting back together, as a matter of fact. I say this because she knows you want to get back together-- she would've broken NC to tell you she wants to get back together if she did want to be with you. So she most likely is just going to talk to you like a friend to alleviate her feelings of loss, and then when you talk about the relationship she will begin to drop out of the conversation like a skydiver from a plane. I hate to hurt you, because I know that hurts to read, but it's exactly what you need to read, in order to prevent you from being hurt worse. Through the pain, trust me when I say I am doing you a true favor.
Author Knight_Ctrl Posted December 17, 2008 Author Posted December 17, 2008 DSM, you're probably right. I feel like I have nothing to lose though. When we first started talking it was just as friends...I have no intention on bringing up the relationship right now at all, even when we talk later tonight. The thing is I have nothing to lose, I had already gone through plenty of hurt in the healing process and whats the worse that's going to happen. She wont want to get back together, that would put me right where I'm at now. I'm going to talk to her just to see if we can do just that; talk. The thing is, why would she thing about me every day if she didn't have more than just friends feelings for me. I dont think about my friends every day.
IcemanJB Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 Knight, before you go through with this, I want to share what happened with me. Ex and I broke up over two months ago (she split with me; although she tells people it was mutual...). For the 1st month and a half, she would contact me frequently. I NEVER initiated. Then one night I saw her at a bar I was at. I ignored her for the 1st half hour or so and just finished my beer. As I was leaving I went over and saw her get REALLY nervous (like her hand over her heart, couldn't look me in the eyes, etc), so I just gave her a hug and said bye. I get a text shortly after saying she ran out after me and wants to talk. I thought "yeah I think I'm alright with the breakup, why not?" So we talked for about 30 minutes outside of the bar (we were both sober). It was awesome, I'm not going to say it wasn't. It was like we were still dating; but neither of us brought up the relationship. I woke up the next morning feeling like absolute CRAP. Seeing and talking to her just set me back to day one. She texted me again the next night...A few days later I sent her an email telling her to please stop contacting me; and that I would contact her when I'm ready. It's been 24 days of NC, and this is the best I've felt since before the breakup. So PLEASE before you talk to her, you really need to ask yourself if you're still emotionally attached to her. Because I THOUGHT I was ok, but in reality I wasn't even close, and it just ended up hurting me.
FeedingOnFever Posted December 19, 2008 Posted December 19, 2008 Almost the exact same thing just happened to me. My ex and I share a ton of mutual friends, and this past Tuesday I thought I was ready to hang out with him in a group again, even though it's been less than a month since the breakup. I was dead, dead wrong. It helped that there was a friend flirting with him the whole night, but the situation would have been a devestating mixing pot of anger, remorse, sorrow and torture either way. It's hard to know what you are truly ready for. I'd say to definitely be careful when you talk to her. Watch yourself for those feelings that you used to get when you were together. I knew I was in trouble when my spirits soared just from seeing my ex's face. I thought it was because I'd missed seeing him as a person, but in reality, it was because I was rejoicing at seeing the boy I loved again. Do be cautious, and listen to your emotions the best that you can.
electriclove Posted December 19, 2008 Posted December 19, 2008 I agree with Iceman. I made the massive mistake of actually asking my ex to meet up with me about 3 weeks ago. I have no idea what I was thinking would happen. Guess I thought I could somehow 'talk' him back into the relationship. It was a disaster. He just looked at me with pity, as in like why the hell can she not get over this already? My hopes were dashed for the zillionth time and the pain I felt was as intense as the first day of the break up. Truth is I think it was what I needed to bring me back to reality. It's a bitter pill to swallow but he's over me and is moving on with his life. He's making a massive song and dance of it on facebook, posting pictures of himself having a ball. But to he honest he looks pathetic, so it makes me feel better! I'm sorry to say it but I think you're setting yourself up for a massive disappointment As long as you still have feelings for her and harbour feelings of wanting to get back together, then any contact you have is just going to frustrate you. I know the text msgs she sent to you has filled you with hope that maybe she feels the same as you. I've been there. My ex told me that he missed me, thought about his decision to break up every day and wasn't sure if he had made the right one, told me that he'd always love me. Blah, blah, blah. It means nothing because despite this he still doesn't want to be with me. God, knows why ex's say crap like this because I think it only makes you feel worse...and leaves you with hope, which is the biggest hindrance to getting over them. If she wanted you back she would let you know.
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