tincanman99 Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 I was talking with a friend of mine and she commented that she absolutely positively hates it when guys look, give her the eye and she may even return it with a smile and they DO NOTHING. They are just like bumps on a log. This may gone on in a brief encounter, someone you see all the time or for hours say at a bar or club. We have analyzed many times WHY men dont approach but I would like to hear the flip side of how does this make women feel. It may provide valuable insight to the guys who dont approach as to how them doing nothing makes the woman feel. Its always good to put yourself in the other person's shoes.
diggy Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 When a guy looks, he will usually break eye contact first and look away. First mistake. It basically shows he is not man enough to go for what he wants or it means he does not want it at all. Rule: Keep eye contact until she breaks it, then get of your bum and walk straight up to her and find out if she is the kind of girl you want to get to know!
kashmir Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 I usually convince myself that a girl looking at me is either: Examining something about me without having any attraction (my haircut, my clothes, etc.)Just flirting from afar and not expecting nor wanting me to approachNot looking at me at all, but instead looking at someone else behind meJust being polite and friendly by returning my glance and giving me a smileWhen they smile, sometimes I think it's a sarcastic smile, as though they're rolling their eyes at me looking and smiling at them, like it's a joke that I'm looking at them. All these things have been reasons why girls were looking at me in the past, so I usually find myself assuming them. I've approached a lot but when I did girls were essentially like, "um, why are you approaching me?"
runner Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 i like to look just cos i'm a people watcher, and sometimes its just to check out their clothing, hair style, whatever. in that case, i'll look away so the girl doesn't get the wrong idea. but if i'm attracted to someone and she gives me the come hither look, i'd say something to her. if i didn't, i'd hate me too and we both be damned
EYECANDY000 Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 Most guys are afraid of rejection just like women are. Women are cruel these days! Also, some guys may think (a) shes probaly already with someone (b) she's cute, but im not looking for anything right now. but i would like to acknowledge your beauty © no self esteem.. they think the girl may be to good for them!
D-Jam Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 1) There are guys who are just plain cowards...so they run when they should try. Maybe they think they have no chance or something. 2) Guys might think the girl is hot, but not good enough to approach. That or he doesn't think she's hot at all, and maybe was looking at her in a different sense. Like he wanted to see how ugly she was in his eyes. 3) He might find the woman attractive, but he's in a RL or married...so he's in the "look but don't act on it" mode. 4) Way too many times women don't reciprocate. So she knows he's checking her out, but she's not looking back, or she's buried behind sunglasses and iPod on, or she looks away...but wishes he would just blindly try so she doesn't have to take on any risk.
kashmir Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 4) Way too many times women don't reciprocate. So she knows he's checking her out, but she's not looking back, or she's buried behind sunglasses and iPod on, or she looks away...but wishes he would just blindly try so she doesn't have to take on any risk. This is true. Way too many times I've been shot down when I went for a girl anyway without her reciprocating, so now it takes a bit more to get me to approach. IMO, signs don't mean anything. There have been girls who periodically give me smiles and looks. Then when I approach them, they're cold as ice. Makes no sense, but signs don't mean much. I'm starting to learn to approach who I want, to not give a sh*t whether she's not flattered by it or thinks I'm bothering her by approaching. Women get enough advantages these days...I think they can put up with some guys they're not particularly interested in talking to them. If they can't then it's their problem. I haven't really been accepted yet, but eventually I think it'll come.
bigchickenpie Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 I hate it! I'm one of those women that always assumes that my fly is undone or he's staring at something in my teeth... That or I'm totally oblivious to it all together. I personally need a guy who is bold otherwise I'll have no bloody idea that he thinks I'm cute.
Trialbyfire Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 We have analyzed many times WHY men dont approach but I would like to hear the flip side of how does this make women feel. I take it as a sign of insufficient interest, which is fine. Not big on strangers approaching anyways, since I don't know them.
sumdude Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 Not big on strangers approaching anyways, since I don't know them. Well.. ok... so how do people become non-strangers if you don't want them to approach and you don't approach them? Must there be an introduction?
Trialbyfire Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 Well.. ok... so how do people become non-strangers if you don't want them to approach and you don't approach them? Must there be an introduction? It's not that I don't ever date people who I don't know, because I have. It's more the verification process. If I can't check you out in some way, through trusted friends, it gives me a level of discomfort. Consider it cynicism from working in a schmuck-filled self-entitled industry and individuals who I've had the displeasure of associating with. There are too many previously committed individuals who feel they're fancy free to lead a double life. One individual who I've had the displeasure of associating with, still vehemently denies that they've had affairs, because they were emotional affairs. Revolting hypocrisy.
Author tincanman99 Posted December 17, 2008 Author Posted December 17, 2008 I think people misread what I wrote. Its not about why the guys dont approach but rather how do the WOMEN feel about them not approaching . This is the other side of the fence so to speak.
O'Malley Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 How do women feel about about total strangers who act interested but don't initiate? Quickly checking in a mirror to see if they have something gross on their face or teeth that scared the guy off? I usually assume the man found me attractive on some level and leave it at that; there's a myriad of bad and good reasons for not approaching, and I'm not psychic.
BCCA Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 Personally, I think a lot of women are in "wait it out" mode. If I look over at a girl and we make eye contact, I usually let them break it first. If I smile, it's seldom that they smile back, even if they turn out to be interested. If you are interested, or at least want the guy to come talk to you, smiling usually does the trick, ladies You would be surprised how much a little smirk really matters.
bigchickenpie Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 I'm just totally oblivious so I don't react. A guy usually has to ask me out before I know he likes me. "HOLY CRAP! So and so likes me that way?! I had no idea!"
Isolde Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 I'm so used to getting lukewarm interest in general that I don't think about it for a minute if a stranger makes eye contact or smiles. I just sort of assume that the person is taken, that the interest is lukewarm, or that he doesn't feel like talking. I'd much rather meet people through friends or in a setting where I can talk to them without the pressure of it being a potential date. So yeah, I don't really love it when guys look but don't approach, but it doesn't bother me because there's a million legitimate reason why they might not, and I don't often approach guys in public either.
monkey00 Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 Women that are too confident often irk me. Such as smiling or making EC even without a twitch. I've approached women like this and they were often flirting for fun..so it's hard to take them seriously. On the other hand, women that get nervous or twitchy when they're near you. That I find adorable and a more likely indicator of interest...though it varies from women to women. I don't think you can really rely on signals much nowadays, just approach who you feel like without coming off a douchebag.
Isolde Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 On the other hand, women that get nervous or twitchy when they're near you. That I find adorable and a more likely indicator of interest...though it varies from women to women. Good observation; I automatically act like this (flustered) with guys I like. But it doesn't necessarily get them to approach me.
monkey00 Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 Good observation; I automatically act like this (flustered) with guys I like. But it doesn't necessarily get them to approach me. Unfortunately, the ice queen tactic doesn't work too well either at times. How about the innocent helpless damsel in distress role? But anyway over the years, I've found that women in relationships are the hugest flirts around. Sometimes I have a defense mechanism that activates when someone is too flirty with me. Though, no harm at all in mutual friendly flirting.
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 I blush involuntarily when I'm talking to a guy one-on-one that I think is good looking. I know he can see it, that embarrasses me, and I blush harder. LOL I just had to add this in regards to the comment about shy girls that you approach. As for how it FEELS...well, I can't say I'm insulted...it's more like I think that I must have read the guy wrong. If he looks interested, but makes no move, I feel confused, I guess. But I move on quickly. ADD can do that for you.
Rebellious Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 What makes you think a guy should approach you just because you smiled at him? If she smiles at me, then looks down below my waist and then looks back up still smiling, then that's different
openbook08 Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 cool post! interesting! at the moment it makes me feel like a right minger! since the break up, only 1 guy has done the eye contact, smiling and approach (after a bit of dancin near each other!) but that was on a girls hol in Turkey!! everyones makin eye contact ha ha!! ive been with someone for 5years...its all new to me id love someone to approach me have a conversation which will either be enjoyable or one or the other will realise ya i fancied this person but we havent really got a lot to say to each other, make polite excuses and enjoy the rest of your night. id never be openly & intentionally rude to someone to 'get rid' of them. unfortunately no one seems to approach me & my friends cant seem to get a second to themselves..makes me just wanna go home & leave them to it! but they say i give off a 'vibe' that im unavailable?? maybe its habit....maybe id actually pee my pants if a guy talked to me!! doesnt help that he seemed to get a girlf in the blink of an eye
Phateless Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 I'm so used to getting lukewarm interest in general that I don't think about it for a minute if a stranger makes eye contact or smiles. I just sort of assume that the person is taken, that the interest is lukewarm, or that he doesn't feel like talking. I'd much rather meet people through friends or in a setting where I can talk to them without the pressure of it being a potential date. So yeah, I don't really love it when guys look but don't approach, but it doesn't bother me because there's a million legitimate reason why they might not, and I don't often approach guys in public either. Yup. This is exactly it. When I'm single, if I don't approach it's because I might be busy, tired, or just not in the mood to meet someone new and have to be charming and witty and all that. When I'm taken, sometimes girls will still catch my eye, but I won't approach because... well duh! I'm taken. As far as everyone who has a bad attitude "i hate overconfident people" or "they just want to bring me over to reject me" etc... you're doing that to yourselves. Just walk up, be friendly and relaxed, and start a conversation about ANYTHING. The look means she wants a conversation - it doesn't mean she wants the first words out of your mouth to be blatant interest.
D-Lish Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 I was just at the book store and there was a super cute dude in the line ahead of me. He kept looking back, and for a while he just stared. As he was leaving, he looked back again, I smiled at him. He didn't do anything about it though. It's too bad- I would have liked him to have said hello (assuming he was single, etc). Yeah, it's a bit frustrating.
jerbear Posted December 19, 2008 Posted December 19, 2008 Last time I did this, the woman had a nipple slip. Honestly, sometimes it is just better to stop and stare.
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