Univarseman Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 I was working 2 jobs trying to support my wife and myself, then on the 21st of November I get off of work from my 2nd job and get a call from my wife, "I'm leaving" she says. I get home and all of her stuff is gone and she left me a note on the table. She claimed it was because she didn't know who she was and how could she be in a marriage if she doesn't know who she is? Also, within the period of 2 weeks I lost my wife, I lost my home, I lost my dog, and I lost my better paying job. I've basically been going through the worst period in my life and I'm living back at my PARENTS' house! I think she's having an individuality crisis brought on by the issues that I had to figure out on my own and she verified. I have anger issues, I was selfish, rather negative a lot, didn't validate her feelings or listen to them because I felt they were being critical on me, we were living in a slum house and constantly being put further and further in debt, and I was somewhat controlling. I am now taking anger management, working on assertiveness and self-esteem as well as trying to put others first, I've learned a lot about relationships that I had no idea about from "Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus," and I'm going to the army so I can put myself through college. Up until today she had been giving me the cold shoulder the entire time, when I wanted to talk, I wanted to spend time, and I wanted to work things out. Today she called because I had previously told her I needed paperwork, since we're not divorced, for the army. I told her everything I needed and then I told her, after she agreed to it, immediately "Ok I'm gonna let you go" and she sighed and replied disappointedly, "Ok" and I said , "Alright c-ya" and hung up on her... This is the first day she hasn't given me the cold shoulder... should I just keep giving her the cold shoulder? Do you people think it will work?
Violator Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 Alot of people here will tell you, Yes! I didn't do that, and My wife is back here at home. I don't know if what happened with me is rare, from what I've read here, I'm lucky.
Owl Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 Women rarely leave someone without running TO someone. Have you considered that she might have been seeing someone else leading up to all this?
2sure Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 Both you and your wife were living under stressful conditions. I am sure that that finances, 2 jobs, living conditions, all contributed to you having issues with anger and control. Living with someones anger - especially coupled with their need for control - can be disabling. This is magnified when this anger & control is coming from a man, your spouse. It is frightening. To be intimidated in your own home is a terrible way to live. It is great her leaving you has made you recognize and address your personal issues. However, now that she is out of your grasp she may be feeling the relief of not being intimidated on a daily basis - and not want to risk going back. Was there any history of domestic violence like hitting or throwing things, damage to property?
Author Univarseman Posted December 17, 2008 Author Posted December 17, 2008 Owl, I know for a fact that there is no one else. I know my wife well enough for that one, we've had that issue before where I lacked trust in the relationship due to my ex, and yes I realize I should have never lacked that trust and we got through that. 2Sure, No the only violence in the relationship was when I lost my temper in the past I would kick stuff or break something inanimate, never physically harm her in any way though. Although I did try to coax her into physically harming me quite a few times, but that's a completely different topic.
2sure Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 You are on the right track. You are staying with your parents and going to counseling. Now is good time for each of you to take a break and get your acts ...and relationship skills...together. It sounds like she may becoming more open to communicate with you. Do not expect much from her and have patience. She isnt going to believe you have changed just because you have started therapy. She isnt going to believe you have changed in so short a time and based only on words. It will take time and action to prove this to her. For awhile she may even be angry that it took her moving out for you to see the problems.
SRV Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 Sorry for what you are going through. Listen to Owl, he knows. Go through the forum and what you will find is 96% of the time there is someone else. She will never admit it to you until you have all the glaring facts. Hope you situation gets better, I know it is tough and all with the holidays. Hang in there.
Owl Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 How old are the two of you? How long have you been married? First time for both of you? What did your wife do while you were working those two jobs? SAHM? Work a job of her own? These are all factors.
Author Univarseman Posted December 18, 2008 Author Posted December 18, 2008 thank you for the support 2Sure... honestly that was the high point of my night. As far as someone else, we both share 2 STDs, that I got and gave to her before I knew I had them, not only that she's got to be the most honest, trustworthy, kindhearted person I've ever met in my life one of the many reasons I married her to begin with. We're both 21, we've been married for a year and a half, yes the first marriage for both of us, my wife is very social she went out and hung out with friends or worked her job at Wal-Mart. We were middle school sweet hearts
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