sedgwick Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 I'm feeling really down right now. I turned in my book last week, which should be great, but instead it's kind of a letdown. I just keep thinking how I wish I could celebrate with Joe. I miss him so much. I don't understand why I'm still so unable to stop thinking about him after 17 months. I think it may be the holidays -- I wonder what he's doing, I wonder if he's with someone else. I can't stop thinking about the possibility that some other woman is celebrating Christmas with him. I wonder what he got her as a gift, etc -- and I don't even know she exists! I wish I could stop thinking that he's sitting around the tree with his perfect fiddle player, so in love with her that he's turned into the perfect boyfriend. I wish I knew why we think these things -- that someone else is going to turn them into the person we wanted them to be for us. I miss him so much. I wish I had been good enough for him. My heart just won't stop breaking. I would love it if I could just find someone else attractive, but I can't imagine that ever happening. I'm not going to contact him but I really want to hear his voice. I wonder if I'll ever get over him.
SoundTribe Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 i'm having some trouble over the holidays as well. They are always better with a partner.. oh well..
latefragment Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 i was teary eyed all day at work yesterday. i feel so so alone, sedgwick, i totally feel you. it's not even possible how alone i feel. last night i felt like if i died no one would know or care (which i know is not true but that is how i felt).
dannydrifter Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 You will get over him! I wish I lived close to you ladies, I would take you all out for a nice dinner and then we can go do something really special for this time of year - sing Christmas carols or deliver food to needy people in the city.
EmperorR Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 I am, I have no family near me. When i think how I'll be alone on christmas and new years i get a little sad.
Ingenue Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 I think holidays are always hard for us members of the broken hearts club. I know this past weekend, I was a miserable wreck. I was back on the floor crying, the mountains of tissues were piling high and I felt really miserable, sad, depressed and utterly lost. But I made a resolution for myself (even though I can't stand making them) that I'm going to try to usher in 2009 with an open heart and an optimism that the coming year will be better than this one (it has to be!). Holidays are already hard, but I'm trying to not make them harder on myself than they already are.
Author sedgwick Posted December 17, 2008 Author Posted December 17, 2008 But I made a resolution for myself (even though I can't stand making them) that I'm going to try to usher in 2009 with an open heart and an optimism that the coming year will be better than this one (it has to be!) I made the same resolution. There's no way '09 can be any worse than '08 (well, I shouldn't say that, I could always get hit by a bus or something.) '08 was spent lonely and broke, working on a book I thought my editor would never approve, and having absolutely no sex at all. I lost a job, too. But the way the year is ending is with me having just turned in my book, DONE, and in '09 I'll be an official published author. In '09, I will make my living from a book I already wrote, on money that is already guaranteed to come to me. How could that be anything but WAY better than this year? I'm trying to think of this year as having been a time to buckle down and work and do therapy. I've gone to therapy three days a week (sometimes four, on the weeks I have to see the pharmacologist for prescriptions), and it's helped. I didn't think it was at first, but the past couple of weeks I've realized it has. I worked hard this year, and I also performed solo several times as a dancer, which was amazing. My dance company now has another year of practice and performance behind us, and we've made big strides as a troupe. In '09 we'll be performing at my book party, and just knowing that night is coming is amazing. I'm going to travel next year, and shoot film as well. It'll be amazing. I'm not going to let it be anything else.
LiveandLearn Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 But I made a resolution for myself (even though I can't stand making them) that I'm going to try to usher in 2009 with an open heart and an optimism that the coming year will be better than this one (it has to be!). Holidays are already hard, but I'm trying to not make them harder on myself than they already are. Amen to that! The next year will definitely be better than the last. 2008 has been a year of learning. It's time to grow
Peter_pan Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 i know how you feel. its strange to still hurt from missing that special person after all that time. yeah it is the holidays. i got left just after x mass last year. or more heard of her new love interest whom she is still with
hereandnow Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 I was having a really rough time with the holidays this year, but I think, at least with the holiday aspect of pain, I've grown a tolerance. At first seeing all the Christmas lights go up and everything was extremely painful. I hadn't even spent a Christmas with my ex but it still hurt. That Christmas magic can really backfire on you when you're hurting. Right after the breakup (end of October), I was going to the Barnes and Noble bookstore and just sitting there reading as a way to cope. Every day! And then one night around Thanksgiving they had a choir in their performing! Aaarrggh! It was so beautiful and excruciating! I actually just started work on a novel. Trying to keep my mind off of things and get the creative juices flowing. Congratulations on getting published!
CaliGuy Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 Nope I'm going snowboarding over the holidays
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