he's been burned REAL bad

[4givrnt4gtr]

Would you date a guy who has been badly hurt by a girl and still seems to be a bit bitter about it?

The guy Im kinda seeing was with someone for 4 years, she cheated on him TWICE. THe last time he broke it off completely, but was very hurt about it. This was seven months ago.

Still, a few nights ago he was a bit tipsy and somehow we began talking about exs. He ended up calling her something along the lines of "witch who sucks the souls of men"

 

Now im wondering if he's just rebounding with me, as he clearly isnt over what happened...right? Or is it normal to be that bitter towards someone? I mean true she was cold blooded...but just the way he said that, like she was some sort of mermaid or something it was weird. I asked him if he still had feelings for her, he said he definitely didnt....

 

I dont know...would you guys risk it?

[D-Lish]

That would make me cautious for sure.

 

7 months post break up after 4 years together isn't a lot of time to reconcile with his break up.

 

I'd be leery of this kind of talk, it might mean he has some unresolved anger.

[4givrnt4gtr]

yeah im not sure what to do...i really like him, he treats me really well, he's cute, sweet, good looking and so far we have a great time together...

However it scares me that I may just be a rebound and I end up getting hurt...eeekk i dont know. I dont want to stop hanging out with him...at the same time...am I being a fool for putting myself in a position where I may get hurt?

[Ruby Slippers]

Given everything I've learned in my relationships, I would see this as a big red flag. It doesn't sound like he's truly dealt with the damage, and if you get involved with him before he's dealt with it, that means you'll be dealing with it, too. I speak from experience.

[D-Lish]

yeah im not sure what to do...i really like him, he treats me really well, he's cute, sweet, good looking and so far we have a great time together...

However it scares me that I may just be a rebound and I end up getting hurt...eeekk i dont know. I dont want to stop hanging out with him...at the same time...am I being a fool for putting myself in a position where I may get hurt?

 

Oh.... you're asking the wrong person about that...lol.

 

What are your instincts about people normally like?

I have great instincts for people in general, but add romance into it and I suck.

 

I wouldn't discount him just yet. Just continue to take things slow.

Has he talked about the relationship with his ex other than that time?

 

Sometimes, what it takes to complete the process of moving on, is to meet someone that "moves you". Know what I mean?

[4givrnt4gtr]

I wouldn't discount him just yet. Just continue to take things slow.

Has he talked about the relationship with his ex other than that time?

 

Not really, he hasnt talked much about it. In fact he says he doesnt like to talk too much about it. That night we were both I guess comparing notes so he actually opened up about it. That comment was said first thing when he was a bit tipsy, but as the night went on he talked about what happened and the things that went on on his relationship, much with the same tone as I was talking about mine (we were both cheated on). This was mostly to say that neither one of us will ever forgive cheating nor will we ever cheat or date someone who has cheated before....Bassically cheating is major sin for both of us.

I had a great conversation with him that nite despite that sudden outburst of anger towards his ex. I learned we share a lot of the same values regarding relationships....which is promising...

 

So yes...i dont know if i can totally give him up at this point...or just bite the bullet and accept that I may get hurt, then again I may not...like in every other relationship...i suppose...

[D-Lish]

Sounds a bit like me at a certain point in the guy I just broke up with.

I find by the time you ask yourself if you could give up hanging out with them... you're kidding yourself. You will move forward with it.

 

Things didn't work out with us after 2 months. But, it's not the end of the world. I am still in one piece.

 

As I said before, it could be a red flag, but not all warning signs lead to certain doom.

 

I still talk a bit about my ex husband of 6 years ago when I date someone. I don't do it because I want to lament about him... I normally do it because I feel it's important to tell someone I have been married before... that usually leads to some questions which I am frank about answering.

 

My friend is married to a man she met the weekend after breaking up with her bf of 5 years. They have now been happily together for about 10 years.

 

Who knows what might happen. I do think that you are pretty much passing the point of no return though... so the decision to stay (I'm just sensing) is already there. So don't do what I do and start looking for reasons that might cause issues.

 

Relax and enjoy the process, but keep things at a pace that works for you. Just don't get overly involved too fast. If you're worried at all, YOU set the pace. A good LS friend gave me this advice recently and I like it.

[D-Jam]

I don't date guys, but I wouldn't date a girl who is constantly carrying angst on an ex. If she seems fine, but has a moment of upset anger from some bad memory or perhaps he called her and caused drama, then I'd let it go. It's not supposed to be smiles and perfection all the time.

 

However, if she suddenly pushes me away with the "you're a man, you're all the same, just like him", then I'm done. When she tries to blame me for what other men have done to her.