How do u stop your man from using his hands when he is pissed off??

[amorkiki]

Hi I am new to this forum and I wanted some advice. I am currently engaged with my fiance for two years now. He is really ready to marry and we plan to do this sometime next year. The thing that is bothering me is the arguements we have. We argue almost all the time. We end up criticizing one anthor sometimes. Then he turns around and says sorry and says how much he loves me. I am really scared about this because I was once married before and had the same problem.

He is a great guy and very understanding but can't handle his anger too much. We just fight over little things. Is there a way for me to grow to love him more with out being so angry at him all the time? I know i do love him but not as much as he loves me.

[amorkiki]

Everytime we have an arguement he always have to do something to me mean. He claims he loves me but always does this in an arguement. Does anyone have any clue as why he does this? Do you think he needs anger management classes?

[moimeme]

If you mean hit, choke, or in other ways manhandle you when you say 'use his hands', then absolutely. And if he doesn't, leave.

[amorkiki]

no he dont get that physical. He just have to put his finger in my face or shrug me. He never went over board like you have mentioned. I am planning on marrying this man and I do love him. I do want to help him if there is something wrong. We have two beautiful girls and i want to make sure I am doing the right thing. He is a very sentimental, emotional type guy. The type that would cry over anything. wheni take my engagement ring off he feels that i love him less. I take it off because my diamond is raised and it always scratches the baby. I mean do u think he feel that i dont love him enough? I also dont say it as much as he do. I am just the type that shows it in a different way.

[clia]

If this is something you do not want to deal with everyday for the rest of your life, then you are not ready to get married. You cannot change him, so you either accept this or reject it. That's it.

 

You might also consider why you are attracting the same types of men all the time.

[amorkiki]

Yes you got a point there y im i. I said to myself this is it im not meeting anymore people after him. I actuallycan't we have a six month old child together. I do love him but i just want to make things right. i just want to figure out what he wants? I feel like im alone here doing everything and this is what we get pissed about all day long the chores. no i dont want to deal with this every day i want to fix this problem an dmake it all better because i do love him. maybe not 100 percent but i love at least 75percent. There is love there but i show it in a different way.

[clia]

Is counseling an option? Or have you talked about this with him at all?

[amorkiki]

a matter of fact whenwe were agrueing we spoke about that i jsut dont know how to go about it. we need some direction in our life. all we do is say your wrong and im right and it goes back and forth. its very childish and stressful. This is why I searched for a forum like this so i can express myslef. i cant get through him sometimes when i do it goes through one ear then out the other. I dont know what to. Dont get me wrong i do want to marry this man. i am not looking for any others im done.

[clia]

i am not looking for any others im done.

 

Are you done because you don't want to deal with dating others, or done because this is really the man for you? I read through some of your other posts, and it sounds like there is more than one "problem" here.

 

I strongly suggest you drag him to counseling to talk through this, or at minimum, print out your posts here and let him read what your concerns are *before* you marry him. If he does not want to change, he won't, and as I said before, you have to either accept or reject it. If he doesn't want to go to counseling, or "forgets" after you talk to him, then there is a problem. He isn't working on the relationship. Do you really want to deal with that forever? It won't get any better.

[amorkiki]

he wants to go to counseling that i know. yes we have a problem and im willing to make it work. he said he is too. When i said iwas done meaning i wont date anymore if he leaves(which i doubt) but you never know. Do i look for a regular counselor or a marriage one?

[clia]

I would guess you'd want a marriage counselor, or at minimum someone who deals with relationships.

[been through this]

Putting his fingers in your face is a REALLY bad sign. Does he also list things using his fingers? Even if he manages to keep a lid on behavior, the lack of respect will still be there. You don't deserve to be treated that way. This will continue to show up throughout your relationship even if it does not escalate to physical violence.