SCfla Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 This is a two part thread; I've gone NC from my ex. I chased shortly after our "mutual" break up," obviously I came up empty. The guy she was seeing a few days after our breakup is currently her bf. Is it natural for me to be bothered by this, even if I am sure that I do not want to be with her? I know that I could never trust her. I also know that I can find a hotter, more intelligent, and supportive individual. I beat myself up, because frankly I was a d@ck in the relationship. I realize now that my actions were a reflection of the games she played. Is it natural to have a legitimate hatred for this person. The situation has made me have no faith in women or relationships. I have dated since, and I am shying away from anything more than a "good time." I really don't like the fact that I feel this way, and want to have faith that something good can come from dating. Does this mean that I am not ready? I find myself wanting to get the upper hand. As bad as it is to say this, I want her to initiate contact just so I can screw her over. Does this ever wear off? Secondly, I would like to thank those for the advice that I received, as well as others who have shared their stories. I just want to believe that every woman out there isn't self-centered and childish, but it is extremely difficult, as there is significant evidence supporting such. I hate that I have these views, and I hope that they wear off with time. Do many others feel this way?
samspade Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 As bad as it is to say this, I want her to initiate contact just so I can screw her over. Does this ever wear off? You're brave to be so honest and admit this. A lot of people lie to themselves and others here (which is silly, it's anonymous) and say they're cool with being friends, while at the same time secretly wanting either to "get him/her back" or "get back at him/her." It's totally normal to be pissed and sad and all that, especially since she probably set the wheels in motion with the new guy before you two put on the breaks. I totally know what it's like to want to get that advantage back so you can pull out the rug, but let me tell you: It's a waste of time and energy, not only to go through with it, but simply thinking about it. You really want to screw her over? Here's the best method, lean in and listen. Live your life and live it well. Do some things YOU want to do without her a$s in the way. Take some classes, go skydiving, take a trip. Date around and have a fling or two. And don't even think about checking in on her. She'll wonder why you're not groveling for her, and will take it real personal when she hears how much better you're doing without her. Meanwhile, you'll be so busy you won't even care what she thinks. The two month mark is hard - it's like a diet, you feel like you've done well and need to reward yourself. Especially at Xmas time. Don't be tempted to contact, or even check out her facebook profile if she has one. Stay the course, my friend.
samspade Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 Oh, and as to your second part...you will find that there are lots of women that are mature and giving. And, I don't know your ex, but to play devil's advocate, I'm sure she had some good qualities that attracted you - everyone is self-centered and childish to varying degrees. You just have to watch for red flags early, I guess. But don't lose faith - women are what they are, they are not perfect by any means, so just look for the ones that have the fewest character defects. Good luck.
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