tomato Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 so i understand that a "friendzone" exists for men who don't quite fit the bill for romantic pursuite but good enough to hang around with.. and im assuming it is the same for women as well. Initially, this guy seemed interested.. in fact, he approached me first at a drunken party and thats how we kept in touch...(and no, nothing happened. in fact, i believe i was too tired that night and kindda left him hanging.. then he found me on facebook..oyes, the good ol' facebook!) and by him approaching me at a party, i just figured the interest was more than for "friendship." he was sweet, he seemed quite eager to hang out. the first few "dates" were rather casual, nothing sexual, just hanging out, getting to know each other. we laughed alot, we seem to click, etc. asides from this one time he forgot to hang out, he's been pretty good with keeping up with hang-out dates, since he would text me a day ahead to confirm. he seemed interested in my dating experiences, past boyfriends... this isn't a usual interest that a simple friend would have, right? but overall, although he seemed somewhat interested, nothing was too obvious...also, i may not have been at my flirtiest, but i was friendly, easy to approach to, and available to hangout and what not. so, having said that, one day, we're hanging out and sure, we laugh, per usual, and he somehow brings up a story about a girl he's taken interest in at work (and i dont think this was "made up") Well, I kept my cool, responded to his girl-trouble like i would respond to any of my other guy friends' concerns... but it just strikes me odd. and maybe im beeing too concerned about this, but this time around, he has not mentionned any future plans as he was leaving.. usualy he would say something like "we should hang out again soon," "im free this day.. etc etc" i feel that somehow, somewhere along the line, i have fallen into the friendzone, haha. it just strikes me odd though... fyi, neither of us has been quite agressive into "pursuing" one another per say, and i think initiation was fairly even between him and I. And when I have asked to hang out first, he usually responds quite positively with a little bit of flirty inside jokes.. (I dont recall any of my guy friends doing this to me. when i ask if they wanna chill, their response is limited to "sure, when?") Well, so yeah, since that last meeting, I havn't called, and nor has he.. where have I possibly gone wrong? And I was thinking maybe since that night he first approached me was a drunken night, and he was possibly with a beer goggle, so he thought that i would be more attractive than i actually am... and then figured i was good enough to be a friend 'cause we get along, but not hot enough to be a date?? (I dont know, i've just read alot of stories where they say men are "visual" creatures, hahahaha) oh and all this has only happened throughout about 4 "meetings" or so so yeah, whats your take?!!
Yamaha Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 Interest begets interest. If you show him interest beyond friendship it might spark interest in him. Also guys FZ is not a rigid as womens.
Author tomato Posted December 17, 2008 Author Posted December 17, 2008 thanks for your reply. so basically, i havn't shown enough interest beyond mere friendship? is that it?
Charles1978 Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 Wow this sounds exactly like the situation I was in several months back... and I'm a guy. I'll make it short and just tell you... he got the friend vibe early on from you. He assumed that it was over as far as a romantic interest, so he has pulled back and moved on. That's what I did. We didn't talk for a MONTH, until I ran into her. We started hanging out again, but nothing ever happened until I made the move and asked her to accompany me on a trip. Problem is, we were with friends. Whatever. Anyway, trip came and went... we were both afraid to make a move... well, I wasn't but that's another story. So I took her lack of reciprocating at face value and cut her off completely because I had feelings for her. It was either a) keep hanging out with her and frustrate myself, or b) cut it off. So, we innevitably ran into each other and she asked me why I had been scarce and wanted to know what I was thinking. I told her. That broke the ice, and she ended up asking me if I would consider a relationship. I don't know how it needs to happen, but the point has to get across one way or the other. If you have no contact for whatever reason for a while, and you run into him or he calls you... ask him what's been up. If he really wants you, he will tell you what's been going on. If he opens up like I did, then you should clear things up as well, as this girl did for me. Good luck!
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