sunshinegirl Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 Today's my 35th birthday. My family remembered, which was nice (my nephews called this morning and sang happy birthday over the phone), and I had dinner with two close girlfriends. But this is one of those occasions where it's easy to indulge in self-pity - last year my ex cooked me a gourmet meal for my birthday. Last year more of my friends remembered it; this year few seem to have (WTF, how can I be more obvious on facebook that it's my birthday, people??). No one at work knew it was my birthday. This is a silly, silly path to be on so I am trying to stay off of it. Think I just wanted a place to put my self-pity thoughts, maybe to see them in print and laugh at how childish they are. I think it was a little bit hard at dinner to have my friend tell me she's pregnant -- which is wonderful, amazing news b/c they've been having problems -- but to have half of our resulting conversation focus on her. A little hard to hear that they tested for Downs syndrome when she's only 32, and I'm 35 and years away from having kids myself, if at all. Oh crap, here I go down that path! Really, my life is good. I will probably shed a few residual tears tonight over my dumb cheating ex - I still wish he gave a crap. But it feels crummy that the men who are interested in me at this point aren't men I'm interested in. *sigh* How many more years of this do I get to experience, ya know? [end self-pity rant]
northstar1 Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 Today's my 35th birthday. My family remembered, which was nice (my nephews called this morning and sang happy birthday over the phone), and I had dinner with two close girlfriends. But this is one of those occasions where it's easy to indulge in self-pity - last year my ex cooked me a gourmet meal for my birthday. Last year more of my friends remembered it; this year few seem to have (WTF, how can I be more obvious on facebook that it's my birthday, people??). No one at work knew it was my birthday. This is a silly, silly path to be on so I am trying to stay off of it. Think I just wanted a place to put my self-pity thoughts, maybe to see them in print and laugh at how childish they are. I think it was a little bit hard at dinner to have my friend tell me she's pregnant -- which is wonderful, amazing news b/c they've been having problems -- but to have half of our resulting conversation focus on her. A little hard to hear that they tested for Downs syndrome when she's only 32, and I'm 35 and years away from having kids myself, if at all. Oh crap, here I go down that path! Really, my life is good. I will probably shed a few residual tears tonight over my dumb cheating ex - I still wish he gave a crap. But it feels crummy that the men who are interested in me at this point aren't men I'm interested in. *sigh* How many more years of this do I get to experience, ya know? [end self-pity rant] Hey Happy bday to you! Don't let the self pity get to you, birthdays are always a period of reflection, but focus on what is good in your life . I think as people get older, they get so busy with their own lives (jobs, marriages, kids etc), that it's easy to forget others birthdays. And facebook, well, I think a lot of people have gotten tired of it and don't pay as much attention as to when it was still sort of new and gimmicky a year or two ago) I hope you enjoy your day and do something nice for yourself!
Author sunshinegirl Posted December 17, 2008 Author Posted December 17, 2008 Thanks, northstar. I do have a lot of good in my life, and I know the way out of this crummy feeling is to be more grateful for what I do have. This is a silly thought, but has anyone else ever secretly wished that someone would throw them a surprise party? I've wanted that my whole life - ever since seeing my mom throw my dad a surprise 40th b-day - and no one has ever thrown me one. It's one of those things that every year when it doesn't happen, I get a sad little twinge inside, a little sigh of "ok, I guess not this year, then." How silly is that?
northstar1 Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 Thanks, northstar. I do have a lot of good in my life, and I know the way out of this crummy feeling is to be more grateful for what I do have. This is a silly thought, but has anyone else ever secretly wished that someone would throw them a surprise party? I've wanted that my whole life - ever since seeing my mom throw my dad a surprise 40th b-day - and no one has ever thrown me one. It's one of those things that every year when it doesn't happen, I get a sad little twinge inside, a little sigh of "ok, I guess not this year, then." How silly is that? I understand completely, my birthday last year was with my ex, so this year was hard as well to get through. I get the surprise party thing too. It's not silly at all. Maybe start putting out the hints for next year
Ingenue Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 Happy Birthday SSG!!! I know birthdays can be hard and it's easy to slip into the pity party of one. But just think of the progress you've made up to now. Try not to think about the past. Think of all the marvellous things the future holds, including a possible surprise birthday party next year (should you drop a hint or two that you desire one).
Author sunshinegirl Posted December 17, 2008 Author Posted December 17, 2008 Ugh, but dropping hints just seems so...so... calculated. No one who has ever had a surprise party thrown for them (that I've ever been a part of) was dropping hints that they wanted one. Their friends and family, of their own volition and desire to show this person that they loved them, organized the thing. It just seems very narcissistic and self-centered to tell people you want something like this. But Ingenue, thanks very much for the b-day wishes and for the reminder that I have come a long way in the last seven months.
Ingenue Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 Well yes, sometimes dropping hints can be really gauche. But, it can be hinted in a way without seeming over excessive. Sometimes, you have to go after the things you want and at the end, after you've had your party, nobody will remember that you initially hinted at it. What will matter is that you had fun and a memorable day the way you wanted to celebrate
foxh1234 Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 Happy Birthday SSG !!! You have been great to talk to and I hope this next year is the very best for you.
Zapbasket Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 Hey SSG, Happy birthday :-) Increasingly I think you really have to advertise your birthday if you want people to give due acknowledgment. I used to be mortified at the idea, but when I kept seeing people sending evites for bday celebrations they'd planned, with (at least manifestly) tongue-in-cheek reminders to guests to bring "lots of presents," I came to think that that's the bandwagon to hop on. Seriously, I think there's nothing wrong with announcing you want a surprise party. Just say it around January/February, with great fervor to the friends most likely to pay attention, and it will at minimum grease the way to your getting a surprise party eventually. As for last year--well, ja, so Eric cooked you a gourmet dinner. Whoopee for him. That was ALL he was good for. That and sex...but you deserve so much more than just those two things. This year you were free to imagine the loving attentions to be bestowed upon you in the future by the guy who's RIGHT for you. A FAR better position to be in than being, say, ENGAGED to Eric at this point and having that weinie occupying your birthday with emotional vacuity and teeming stove pots. And as for the 35 "when will it be my turn": I so completely understand, believe me--this is one of those things that is easier to preach than to practice, by far. But: in my better moments I have this notion that came to me over the past 6 months or so, and I really think it might serve as a good way to look at things. Here it is: Truth is, a lasting love relationship is more the exception than the rule. When you think how many kinks there are in two different people coming together to share a life, it's amazing it happens even once in human history. I think it's important to work to do what it takes to help ensure a relationship can have a future, and to act always on the *hope* that it will last, but no matter what you do or don't do, the day just may come when the relationship ends, and it's not because anyone did anything wrong. Not necessarily, that is. Sure, from the surface of things it looks as though loads of people are joyfully ensconced in what will be forever relationships, but either they may not be so joyful in reality, or they, too, will suddenly someday be hit with the end of their relationship. Especially where relationships are concerned, we always tend to think everyone is happier than we are. Not so, not so, not so. It seems so, but it's just not so...and every time we're surprised anew to find out that some so-and-so we thought was soooooo happy, really isn't so happy. Because the truth is, everyone has some cross to bear, that feels more unbearable than anyone else's cross...and so most of us spend inordinate amounts of time trying to prove to ourselves that others have it worse than we do. It's nuts. Hope this helps a little. Happy first-day-of-being-35 tomorrow :-)
Author sunshinegirl Posted December 17, 2008 Author Posted December 17, 2008 GC, that was awesome, thank you. Will have to come back to this - long day ahead, offline.
alone_confused Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 Happy B'day SSG, hoping this is the year that it all works out for you
orangehose Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 Happy b-day, SSG. I don't think it's silly of you to want a surprise b-day. A birthday is an opportunity for others to show their appreciation, especially after you've been going to all their b-day celebrations over the past year. If it makes you feel better, my last birthday was a sad affair. I happened to be having a drink with a very close friend (who I assumed knew it was my birthday) and then it turned out she didn't know it was my b-day... which created a bit of an embarrassing moment as she apologized and offered to pay for my drink. And I consider myself to have a good number of friends. Whatever. Anyway, can't add anything to GreenCove's excellent comments. It's hard to find yourself not having certain things you expected to have by a certain age. But as GC was saying, no one's lives are as perfect as they seem...
kizik Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 Remember Mr. kizik? Well I say, Happy Birthday! Listen my friend, I am dreading Christmas b/c the only person I am going to spend it with is my mom. F*ck holidays and birthdays for me right now. They will be fun once I find a great girl to share them with, again.
alwayssme Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 Happy Birthday!!! I'm looking at the holidays as whatever this year...actually i cant wait for them to pass by...especially New Year's...my family is not in a very celebrative mood either due to certain things that have been happening...it's just 2 days!! lol errrr:p
kizik Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 I'm looking at the holidays as whatever this year...actually i cant wait for them to pass by... I am SO glad I am not the only one who isn't completely jazzed about this holiday season. It's very hard, as mentioned in this thread, when you constantly compare this year with the last one when you were in a R.
northstar1 Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 I am SO glad I am not the only one who isn't completely jazzed about this holiday season. It's very hard, as mentioned in this thread, when you constantly compare this year with the last one when you were in a R. I'm in this pool too - I'm tired of the holidays already and wish I could sleep through till Jan 2nd.
alwayssme Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 I am SO glad I am not the only one who isn't completely jazzed about this holiday season. It's very hard, as mentioned in this thread, when you constantly compare this year with the last one when you were in a R. lol yup! we're all on the same boat this year..
melodymatters Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 Thanks, northstar. I do have a lot of good in my life, and I know the way out of this crummy feeling is to be more grateful for what I do have. This is a silly thought, but has anyone else ever secretly wished that someone would throw them a surprise party? I've wanted that my whole life - ever since seeing my mom throw my dad a surprise 40th b-day - and no one has ever thrown me one. It's one of those things that every year when it doesn't happen, I get a sad little twinge inside, a little sigh of "ok, I guess not this year, then." How silly is that? First off HAPPY BIRTHGAY SG !!!! ( Omg, my comp is so messed up, THAT's what came out, but i'll leave it for the laugh factor !) you know what i mean !:bunny: And YES, I always wanted a surprise party, and when I was about to turn 30, i guess i mentioned to my then 3 yr old daughter that i had never had one. Well Miss Precocious told my mom and they planned one togather. my mom had to tell me because she wanted to know who i wanted there etc, but it was still so damn cute that she planned one at all. I spent the last 2 x-mas's and birthdays alone, and now i have a wonder boy of my own, so life can change on a dime ! hang in there and do fun decadant things just for yourself this year !
RogueAC Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUNSHINEGIRL!!!!! :laugh: Your feelings about your birthday, both the self-pity rant and the secretly wanting loved ones to remember and do something extra special, are totally normal. I think most can relate. I too have a birthday in just a few days. There are so many of us late December babies! I think I am more scared of spending my birthday alone than being alone for any of the holidays. Why? This is the first time in years that I don’t have “a boyfriend” to share the day with and there is so much pressure for the day to be special. I mean, I am well past 16, and I am still waiting for my own Jake Ryan to blow out candles with… I think it was a little bit hard at dinner to have my friend tell me she's pregnant -- which is wonderful, amazing news b/c they've been having problems -- but to have half of our resulting conversation focus on her. A little hard to hear that they tested for Downs syndrome when she's only 32, and I'm 35 and years away from having kids myself, if at all. This is also difficult for me right now. So many of my close friends are going through major life changes… spring will be a parade of babies. I feel light years away from this life stage and wonder many of the same things. Birthday's seem to remind us of our life checklist.
RogueAC Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 Really, my life is good. This is great and important!
openbook08 Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaappy Birthdaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay :pSunshinegirl!! heres to THE most fabulous year for you! and bah humbug to the rest of ye, im right there with ye!! although...ya know what im headin to other side of country for new years, taking off dec 30 - jan2. away from this town, away from 'him', away from -more than likely her, course hes gonna bring his girlf here and im gonna sshh say it quietly now.. take off and enjoy myself(this may involve vodka!!) whoppeeeeeeeeeee! i bet she wont have been in hospital & recuperating this time last year gettin a personalised card with lots of fotos & memories made....double parking on a busy city street after sweet talkin the shops santa to carry out that friggin sound rocker chair...taking him to the airport in the early hours of the mornin on a frosty foggy night collectin him from his xmas party on the way & returning a few days later to collect him, making sure his house was warm & his dog was looked after&that every christmas was so special & all i ever wanted was to see him happy... and all i got in return?? so, slice of lemon anyone????????????????????????????? roll on 2009!! sugar!
Zapbasket Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 Birthday's seem to remind us of our life checklist. So true. And not a bad thing, per se--I mean, our time here *is* finite so yearly evaluations of where we've been and where we're headed make sense. But we can positively torture ourselves. I caught Legally Blonde on HD on demand the other night and think it's a GREAT movie to watch (for girls and guys, if the guys can get past the chick-flick element) when you're in doubt about yourself. I just love the way Reese Witherspoon plays the character--so open and sincere, so unabashedly who she is but still humble and mutable enough to consider there are things she could change about herself, and sharp as a tack. She throws her shoulders back, isn't afraid of emotion, and things start to come to her. I know I sound super-cheesy...but it's a great feel-good movie, that ends with the message, "Have faith in YOURSELF"--it's the most important thing of all. We just have to live with as much joie de vivre as possible, and eventually, wonderful things will come. One holiday season is ho hum, and before you know it the next holiday season shows you with everything you'd wished for in previous years. It can happen all of a sudden like that, or it creeps up on you gradually, like crystals forming on a drab slab of rock...and the next thing you know you have this precious geode glistening before you.
kizik Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 We just have to live with as much joie de vivre as possible, and eventually, wonderful things will come. One holiday season is ho hum, and before you know it the next holiday season shows you with everything you'd wished for in previous years. Quoted for brilliant insight.
Author sunshinegirl Posted December 17, 2008 Author Posted December 17, 2008 I've only had time to read all the comments since this morning - and I'm running out the door to my company holiday party - BUT - THANKS SO MUCH to everyone for the awesome birthGay wishes (haha) and empathy on everything else. I will do my best to write more in the next day or two. It's a whirlwind week for me here without much online time (which is unusual for me). But when I have a moment I will come back and respond more thoughtfully. Again, thanks so much. You've brightened my day so much just by showing up in this thread, and in such a universally supportive way. I really appreciate it.
hereandnow Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 Happy belated birthday, SG! My last date with my ex gf was on my birthday, at the end of October. 4 days later she broke it off with me. This isn't going to be a great Christmas for me either!
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