lofi_tokyo Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 So I've just recently started seeing this guy. Its super casual right now, far from serious... but that being said, I definately am attracted to the guy. I feel almost ridiculous posting this, because its really weird, but! I want to do my Ph.D. in post-colonial studies. This guy is an imperialist - he thinks empire was a good thing. This isn't a defining characteristic of the guy, but its a standpoint hes set on, and I'm set on mine. So far this has lead to playful and really fun debates, but I'm scared this could lead to compatibility issues in the long run. I also just found out hes really quite conservative, while I am quite liberal! Again, I respect his opinions, but by and large disagree with them. Hes against gay marriage, and I'm bisexual (which I've told him). We kind of had a conversation about it, and he was completely surprised that I was so worried it would effect our... for lack of a better word, relationship. He was absolutely wonderful, and explained that even though he has his reservations, he does not judge people who feel differently than him, to each their own opinion, and I feel the same way. And like I said, hes actually very intelligent, and I enjoy having these little political debates with him. My question to all of you reading is: In new relationships, theres that spark, and its really easy (for me at least), to ignore things that could become issues in the future. Can a save the trees girl be compatible a cooperate giant supporting man? ;p As far as I can tell - in all other regards we are very compatible, and I almost think our differences make our relationship more FUN. But who knows... I need advice!
Touche Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 What an interesting topic! Let me say that for me, personally, it wouldn't work. I know my limitations. I also think that those differences really do spill over into other areas a lot of the time. Do you think this has the potential to become serious? If so, know his views on money, child-rearing (if you're going to down that path ever), monogamy...etc. etc. All that said, I think it CAN work. You both sound quite open-minded and tolerant of each other's views. There are celebrity long term marriages like Arnold and his wife and remember James Carville and his wife? They're complete opposites politically but they work. Just for me, like I said, I don't think I could do it. I've found that there are so many fundamental differences between such extremes - I mean differences that usually go beyond just the political (i.e. child-rearing, money, etc..) But that may or may not be the case with you guys. Only you can determine how open-minded/tolerant you can be. You also have to determine which issues you must have a partner be on the same page with you about. It's all so individual. All stuff to think about...but yeah, I think it CAN work.
Geishawhelk Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 My partner and I have very differing views on many things. I mean, differing. But we know each others' opinions. We respect the other person's right to have them. We also don't expect one another to change tack, and fall in line.... We both try to steer clear of situations that could involve us both and lead to conflict. (I can't give an example here, because it would infringe on his personal and private POVs,) but we'd never put the other in a difficult position of having to choose, or do something against our principles....I'd never ask anyhring of him, that would go against his views and he would respect me in the same way. We love each other to bitty bits, and I know it sounds corny, but we 'transcend' the mundane, and are prepared to overlook - or more precisely - look over - the potentially divisive, because what we have going for us, is so much greater than what could go against us. In short, the things we gripe about, or stand for, are outside of ourselves. They're peripheral. In all matters, we matter most. Hope this helps.
EYECANDY000 Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 I only see this relationship working if both of you are willing to do a lot of compromising and biting your tongue... Its going to be a lot of issues that both of you are going to disagree on that i dont see being worked out unless someone is willing sacrific Just like the old saying 'opposites attract' i beleive in it partially... like you cant be the type of woman who loves to wear fur, and hes all about animal rights and protesting in front of fur stores every week end!
inloveforeverwithyou Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 Let me just say one thing. This relationship is deffinately not going to work. I feel likethe gay and bisexual thing is a big nono. You shouldstill pursure it. If it doesnt work out thats fine.
refurb Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 There are opinions and there are values. Can I be with someone who has different opinions? Of course! Can I be with someone who has different values? Well, it depends on how much importance I place on the value in question. If I hold something dear and the other person could care less, it's probably not going to work. RF
The Collector Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 You need two wings to fly baby. I believe it was Zodiac Mindwarp who said that.
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