when to give up Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 My wife asked me for space, and she has been for a while now. We have a beautiful baby girl, she is nine months old. Well here's my story, my wife who I love very much started talking to a guy about 1 1/2 ago, she stopped then started talking to him and opened an emotional relationship with him when she was 7 months preg, got its hurts to say that. Anyways I found out about it but it seemed that she did not want to stop talking to him. Time went by three months later same thing came up again, before i say more this is her ex brother in law, ok so I forgave her but the trust was still a little gone. I love her, so I let it go because she did stop talking to him, just a month and a half later, she started asking for space again, it was weeks now where she was pushing me away and sex only when we went out, also she had a son who i love very much and still spend time with. Well it got to where she didn't want me sleeping in the same bed I couldn't take it anymore more the refection was to much, so I left the house. It was hard but I knew he was back in the picture. two weeks later I hear she is going to go see him, because his brother her ex told me he called him and ask if he was ok with him Fu**ing her. That hurt really bad, anyways this guys was telling everyone she is the one chasing me not me, I never made her believe I wanted her, who know I'm his telling her allot ot sweet nothings. So I am out of the house and I keep hearing all this until on day she asks me to watch the kids because she was taking a vac. with her girlfriends, yes a lie. I said sure I mean I want to spend as much time with my baby as I can. But know that she is putting herself out like that show very little respect for her. So right now I lost everything my wife, my house god I want to die I miss her, still her knowing all this things about him, also he said he didn't want kids she has two. His in wyoming and we're in tx. She going out of her way for this nobody, listen i was a good husband, was not a drunk, never cheated, and I was very honest with her. She always told me how much she loved our sex life. God I am at a lost right now, knowing that she is planing to go see this guy and there's nothing I can do about it is eating me inside, I want my wife back what do I do, please help.
2sure Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 It is possible she is going through a crisis like depression of some sort. It is possible she loves this man, an affair of this sort distorts the reality of day to day living. The fact that he doesnt care for children and she has 2...is very telling. Sometimes, the best we can do is...let them go. When she is faced with the reality the life she has wrecked and when the fantasy of the affair life is shown to be just that....she might beg forgiveness, of course by then it may be too late. At this point, you are going to have to man up and be hard. Shut the door on HER - but not the children. You need to see a lawyer. Now, these are the things that need to be done in either case - she will be prompted to come back to reality OR she won't but you need to take of yourself. The grief, the anger, and your own recovery will follow. Keep posting and reading.
sumdude Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 I really feel for you, I've been through it myself though with no children involved. I wish I could give you anything but tough love but that's what I have today. Your wife checked out of the relationship a while ago. There is little chance of bringing her back. Maybe just the slightest tiny speck of a glimmer and that's a long shot. As far as needing 'space'? If I had a chance to go back in time.. once my wife said I need space? I would have packed her suitcase right then and said "Lots of space outside of this house, I hope he's worth it." But that's easy in hindsight, at the time I was like you. I shock, hurting and just wanting her back regardless. You're biggest mistake was moving out.. sorry to say but what's done is done. She went outside the marriage and she should have been the one to leave the house. Right now I know you're hurting like crazy, not sleeping, your mind is spinning out of control thinking about what she's doing and with who. The only thing you can do right now is take care of yourself. Take back control of your life. Find your brass ba**s my freind. There is no way you should be allowing her to see this other man while at the same time be willing to accept her back in the marriage.
Author when to give up Posted December 16, 2008 Author Posted December 16, 2008 First of all our mortgage is huge, we were making it but together. So I said fine you're on your own, I'll do anything for my baby but you wanted out so you are on your own, I told her all the bad things this guy said about her, few days ago she called me crying saying that she does not know what she is doing. and on sat I found this by her bed...; "I don't know anythig about him"; He does not want kids ( 2 people said) I am crazy......I am a grown woman and u wont stop me from going to seehim". (the ex, the brother) called me and told them that we were talking yeterday. the new guy is telling everyone i am going to go see him so now everybody knows. He has absolutly no respect for me.
2sure Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 For some reason she is caught up in the drama. This other guy and ALL of the people involved sound like - I'm sorry - Trash. Distance yourself completely from them and the drama. You have to rise above this and not feed into it. Possibly motherhood, boredom, whatever, has made her attracted to this drama. It will either burn out or suck her up. Like I said - to get her back OR to move on, you have to do the same things: See a lawyer, Distance yourself. Rise above this crap. You are the only sane one involved.
Author when to give up Posted December 16, 2008 Author Posted December 16, 2008 Its just to hard, I have to see her all the time, because I see my baby all the time, her son is always asking when am i coming home. it hurts. Also this guys parents whici it does not matter his grown man, or thinks he is, hate her and are angry with the fact that his trying to be with a woman with two kids. Of course he blames everything on her. everyone back home tells me to leave her, I am better of, because she should not be trying to sleep with her ex brother in law. It is pretty sad to hear that and it hurts me, but I know she can be better. I love her.
lkjh Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 File for divorce. Mark adultery as the cause and let her know you are doing it. I know you have a little girl with her but do not take her back. Sorry you are going through this.
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