zilverenvlinder Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 And how many of you were dumped for someone else? I feel as though this is my case even though he refused and won't admit it. (Or, wouldn't admit it, seeing as I've initiated NO CONTACT). It makes me feel really, really, really beyond crappy.
DSM-IV Tom Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 It took my first love, whom we were eachothers firsts and everything, only about 2 weeks to find someone new. Whereas I didn't move on for 8 months. As for my second (and recent) ex, she hasn't moved on. It's been 6 weeks and I cut her off and she came back and said she wants to be together and hang out this weekend. So as you can see, it's relative to each individual. The healthy person should take a minimum of 50% of the time you spent together in a relationship, to move on. I.E., you dated a year, then the other shouldn't move on for ~6 months. But then again, I'd say the average time for most people is about 8 months. Psychos move on immediately though. Like my first ex. Definitely suffered from bipolar disorder, anxiety, depression, and either Histrionic Personality Disorder, or Borderline. I of course NEVER threw anything in her face and only extended my hand to help her, and I got burned repeatedly. Towards the end I urged her to seek a professional.. but it didn't matter. People with true disorders do not realize they have them. At least not those suffering from Cluster B disorders of the DSM-IV. (There are exceptions though, but I speak generally).
Benique Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 My daughter did not move on for 8 years . Unfortunately. It is very individual .
lofi_tokyo Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 My ex dumped me and two weeks later he was in a "serious relationship" with a woman he had been flirting with and taking on dates while I was in Japan (he broke up with me when I got home... I was gone for a month). We dated 2.5yrs. I moved on after about roughly 3 months. The fact that he left me for someone else was GUT WRENCHING, but... at least it forced me to heal very quickly. No point on waiting around on someone who's already attached to another.
Growingup Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 roughly 4-5 hours after we broke up to find her new fling....
EmperorR Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 My ex cheated dumped me, said she wanted to be alone and a week later hE butterflies for a guy. Next week there Dating, some people just can't be alone
DSM-IV Tom Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 Emporer it sounds as if your ex is suffering from Dependency Personality Disorder. The "need" to be with other people. Very destructive. She could also be narcissistic and neurotic. It isn't your loss obviously.
light2 Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 my ex found next 5 days after, which reinforced my belief that she already had him lined up before our break up. and my ex, like the above poster is really dependent, especially one decision making.
openbook08 Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 ahh this old gem within the month. (short version) this was only a few weeks after he had come back to me (original break up was June... i took it with dignity & grace - except behind my own closed doors - but he kept 'poppin up' all summer) in august , he was soooooooo sorry huge mistake missed me im 'it' for him no-one else gonna make a huge effort knows he doesnt deserve gonna show me what a great girlf i am by bein the boyf i deserve etc etc well that lasted all of 5mins(said he was confused/depressed /shaved his head thought he was crazy/second guessin all his decisions sob sob sob so i cut him loose (HARD) & he still found ways back in... began bein really sweet again callin me talkin for hours wantin to hang out... was sick w tonsilitus , i was leavin ice cream on his door step as a surprise... get the pic?? so of course im thinkin ok maybe THIS is it , but luckily i have a very good friend who im sure this was very hard for - as she saw i was gettin excited again - but didnt want to see me bein taken for a fool - found out he had a new girlf. for the past few weeks (while all these calls wantin to hang out, when i left the ice cream i text - surprise on your doorstep - he text back is it you? scenarios were happening) so she told me. from that point on i changed my no. deleted facebook blocked emails.... hes still manages to pop up now & again - wrote me a letter (i didnt read it) passed me in his car down town & stopped ran back to hug me, said he just "had" to come back... i just dont get it. hurts.i can feel a rant (what do ya mean wasnt this one already?? cheeky!!) so ill shutup. (long version) hope youre doin ok X
lofi_tokyo Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 My ex cheated dumped me, said she wanted to be alone and a week later hE butterflies for a guy. Next week there Dating, some people just can't be alone Sounds like my ex! I don't think he EVER would have left me had a new girl not come along. I don't think he'll EVER leave her until a new girl comes along. He doesnt have a friend he goes out with often, he has a handful of people he hangs out with maybe once a month, but no real core group of friends or even one true friend. So I think he needs a girlfriend to date just so hes always has someone to call, to rely on him. You know?
DSM-IV Tom Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 Tokyovogue I can rip your ex apart psychologically and diagnose him to you if you give me enough information about him. You can IM "Shelty de Fluff" on AIM if you would like to talk.
ConfusedAtHome Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 My ex found someone new within a week. We had been together over 3 years and a week after breaking up with me she had already moved on. I agree that this has helped me move on more quickly than I normally would have been able to. We are still living in the same house, so she talks about this new girl to me and it just reinforces that she has a little bit of "crazy" in her. I have taken the high road and continue to heal myself, so that I am better suited for someone down the road. I don't think jumping into something new is healthy...healing has to happen. Either my ex has already healed or she hasn't dealt with the break up.
IcemanJB Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 2 girls ago was seeing someone else about 3 weeks after we split. My current ex isn't seeing anyone and it's been over 2 months since we've split. I'm not seeing anyone either. I don't think either of us are over it yet...but I WANT to move on, that's for sure. Thank you 23 days NC.
Ash. Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 Hey everyone, this is my first post... Well, I`m going through a very painful time right now. I`ve had no contact with my ex for almost two months, we`ve been broken up since October. In June, an aquaintance of the ex started working with him. The whole time I had a feeling she liked him. I even asked him to tell her to back off, which he did. They kept talking anyway. The second we break up she asks him for a chance, he says yes. Go figure. Its always easier to move on when you have something to move on to. Regardless, its a slap in the face how quickly people do.
Jenny123 Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 HI, I do believe most people (dumpers) generally have someone lined up before they break up with you. My ex dumped me, I guess by the wkend, he got wit someone else (NICE!) I just wish there was some honesty when they're dumping you. Too much to ask?? In my book I class that as cheating, they are obviously starting something while dating you.
SupportGroupie Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 Put his profile online a few days after we broke up, starting dating immediately despite the I LOVE YOU's just days before. Men dont like to be alone and sit with things, I think. Since women often have a larger support network and actually talk to their friends, are more willing to share emotions, and have a larger group of people to interact with, I think its easier for women to be alone longer after a breakup. Most MEN POUNCE. Sorry they just do. Not all but many that i know...BOOM out the door.
EmperorR Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 Sounds like my ex! I don't think he EVER would have left me had a new girl not come along. I don't think he'll EVER leave her until a new girl comes along. He doesnt have a friend he goes out with often, he has a handful of people he hangs out with maybe once a month, but no real core group of friends or even one true friend. So I think he needs a girlfriend to date just so hes always has someone to call, to rely on him. You know? Just like my ex, the first week after she cheated on me, I said lets give us another chance she was thinking baout it ya right, she was stringing me along talking to me because she had no one else, saying how she wants to be alone etc.. As soon as she met Mr. he's so sweet he bought me a honey dip donut and saved me a seat in class, i was kicked to the curb
EmperorR Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 Put his profile online a few days after we broke up, starting dating immediately despite the I LOVE YOU's just days before. Men dont like to be alone and sit with things, I think. Since women often have a larger support network and actually talk to their friends, are more willing to share emotions, and have a larger group of people to interact with, I think its easier for women to be alone longer after a breakup. Most MEN POUNCE. Sorry they just do. Not all but many that i know...BOOM out the door. Women dumpers are the same trust me, maybe even worse because its so easy for a woman to get a man.
OCCDAVE Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 HI, I do believe most people (dumpers) generally have someone lined up before they break up with you. My ex dumped me, I guess by the wkend, he got wit someone else (NICE!) I just wish there was some honesty when they're dumping you. Too much to ask?? In my book I class that as cheating, they are obviously starting something while dating you.Eh what are you gonna do my ex was telling me she wanted to start a family and we went ring shopping one day.Next day stay away from me and she found a new guy withen a week ugh
Ash. Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 HI, I do believe most people (dumpers) generally have someone lined up before they break up with you. My ex dumped me, I guess by the wkend, he got wit someone else (NICE!) I just wish there was some honesty when they're dumping you. Too much to ask?? In my book I class that as cheating, they are obviously starting something while dating you. It`s funny. Last night I was so sad and venting to my Mom. She is extremely blunt and told me something which, as much as it hurt, is true. I was completely bad mouthing the girl he is with now. My mom told me to stop. What she said is more or less as follows... "Why are you talking crap about someone you don`t even know? I am not saying that she isn`t wrong in trying to invest in [ex] while you were both together. But take the blinders off. You really think [ex] hadn`t been sending her mixed signals? You really think he pushed her away when she was making advances? Come on. When someone respects a relationship enough, he makes no room for another. He would have stopped anything before it started, and he didn`t." I feel awful because I had never thought of it that way. That was the clean version by the way, my Mom curses like a sailor and doesn`t believe in calm voices. But I appreciate it. To anyone that this happened to, I just want to say if its over, with good reason. I miss him like crazy. But knowing that he was emotionally detaching and still coming home to me is sickening. I struggle. But I always remember what my Grandma says..."Da` te` valor!" (Give yourself worth!)
roxyness Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 hm, he left me 3 weeks ago, three days later admitted that there was "another girl". i asked him was he hanging out with her all these times he'd hang out with his friend "davin", told me about once or twice they hung out alone, and told me he had feelings for her even when we were together. so even before the relationship was over, he had found someone else, hmm.
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