Long Distance Break Up - I want her back

[ATR]

My girlfriend dumped me by text last sunday

She was a little pissed off at me days before that as we had gone a few days without contacting eachother so i dont know if thats what caused it.

I miss her so deeply, but i am annoyed at her... one because she broke up with my by a simple text.

She means everything to me, shes helped me get through depressing times and now im back in it, without her to help me now

She told me that i had done nothing wrong.

We were in a relationship for 4months and only saw each other once, while going out (half term holidays) we met before this and were planning on meeting again in the christmas holidays.

She told me she broke it up with me because she doesnt want it anymore, she doesnt want to be seeing me only once every two months, she says thats not enough

I told her i could definately see her more, i told her every fortnight is fine with me. But she said her mind was made up

I want her back, i dont know what to do.

I keep crying now and cant understand why she did it when there was a huge future ahead of us, im so depressed x

[Benique]

The reasons she told why she does not want to see you any more - seem to me very far from truth .

Try to get to know the real cause why she acted like that .

Distance does not disturb when everything between the two is perfect,I guess.

[ATR]

I sent her a text today saying "I am so confused :(" She hasn't replied yet. Once i get the "real" reason, if she wont take me back i will be going non-contact with her. She said she wants to remain friends... but i cant, it will only hurt me

[DSM-IV Tom]

It is a valid excuse that she wants to see someone more often, and has declined your advances despite you trying to compromise and see her on "fortnights" (?). She most likely feels it will just be causing strain on your life to go out of your way for her, and she feels like it would just be simpler to find someone closer.

 

It's not your fault for that. It's truly just the distances fault. Take refuge within that. At least you do not have to blame yourself.

 

Beat your depression with a bat.

 

I recommend you google "write a blog". And you start writing a blog.

 

It's a very therapeutic experience that can wield very healthy results long time. And it's free. I suggest you look into it. Like now.

[ATR]

I understand, but can i find out why she dumped me first, i'm not sure why to be honest.

I may write her a letter telling her how i feel and leave it to non contact.

Writing a blog sounds good?

 

Thanks for the reply

[DSM-IV Tom]

Listen I'm telling you she broke up with you because it is long distance.

 

You can't have a successful relationship when you don't see each other very often. (And I speak from experience, brother).

 

It doesn't matter how strong your relationship was over "technology" (i.e., cell phones). Real strength comes from seeing each other in person (naturally). That's why it failed. I'd go as far as to say that any and all problems arose from this specific issue... unless you're withholding information.

[ATR]

Ok yes there was no other reason apart from distance, she broke up with me because of the distance. The thing is we didnt even live that far from eachother (1hour car drive) but i am too young to drive yet.

She replied to my confused text saying "what about?" i am going to ask her what went wrong. If she says distance i will ask her if we had visited eachother more often (every fortnight (every 2weeks)) would have made a difference.

Thanks for the replies. x

[DSM-IV Tom]

What nation are you from? The UK? How old do you have to be to drive there and how much is gas

[ATR]

I am 16 nearly 17. The UK. You have to be 17 to start driving. Im 17 in 2 days... i told her once i get my car i can see her every weekend, but no she said her mind was already made up.

[dns502475]

My girlfriend dumped me by text last sunday

She was a little pissed off at me days before that as we had gone a few days without contacting eachother so i dont know if thats what caused it.

I miss her so deeply, but i am annoyed at her... one because she broke up with my by a simple text.

She means everything to me, shes helped me get through depressing times and now im back in it, without her to help me now

She told me that i had done nothing wrong.

We were in a relationship for 4months and only saw each other once, while going out (half term holidays) we met before this and were planning on meeting again in the christmas holidays.

She told me she broke it up with me because she doesnt want it anymore, she doesnt want to be seeing me only once every two months, she says thats not enough

I told her i could definately see her more, i told her every fortnight is fine with me. But she said her mind was made up

I want her back, i dont know what to do.

I keep crying now and cant understand why she did it when there was a huge future ahead of us, im so depressed x

 

Crying is good. And it's not that she didn't she see a future with you, she just wants to experience more of what's out there. You're both very young, and while that doesn't mean your pain is any less for being 17 (I know it isn't) I do advise that you use this to become stronger for future relationships (and believe me, you WILL have future relationships).

 

She's very young, and during the next several years, try to keep in mind that you're going to learn so much more about yourself and change and evolve in ways you can't even imagine right now. The level of commitment most people in their teens and college years are willing to make to a relationship can be very low.

 

The best news is that you're just about to enter the phase of life where, over the course of the next 5 or 6 years, you will meet more people (and women) than you ever will at any other point in your life.

 

Keep looking forward!

[ATR]

Ok thanks for the reply. I just want to tell you this message she sent me after i asked her what went wrong.

 

She basicly said "I think it was a dumb relationship because i never saw you"

[thisismystory]

hey ATR, i've been following up on your other post

 

i'm also in an LDR. and there has been moments where i wanted to break up with my BF b/c we're growing distant and he's getting nonresponsive. but i kept going through with it because i wanna work things out and see if i can have a future with him

 

prior to this relationship, i was in another LDR relationship....2 hours a way. at first it was ok, but we gradually lost contact and the relationship died without me knowing.

 

i am sorry to be devil's advocate but i have 2 suggestions:

 

(1) ask for a visit. maybe the visit can respark the relationship. not sure if it will work out if she's do determined with the break up

 

(2) move on. you are young. i was once 16 and pulling off a LDR too. and it didn't end well. i felt like i wasted a lot of my time and effort when it ended. maybe she did the right thing. and to end it early might save a lot more heartache.

 

and surely....i'm not even sure about the LDR i am in now. my bf and i are 700 miles apart and see each other about twice a year. and i'm prepared for a breakup if it does happen.

 

don't be distraught about it. maybe she just really didn't see it working. i'd give her some time and space. let this cool down. if you guys still like each other a year later (and you have a car) then it'll work out.

 

or maybe by that time, you will have moved on already.

 

breaking up is hard. but stay strong =) distract yourself.

[ATR]

Very useful replies, they are extremely supportive thank you.

I'm feeling weird. I'm not at all sad that we are broken up now :/ When two days ago i was crying my heart out.

I'm going to completely ignore her, then sometime in the future, when my feelings have been lost for her. I will try and become friends again as she is a nice girl. Maybe even a relationship. My friends have been pretty supportive trying to get me invited to parties and wanting to hang out with me etc

 

IF she did ask for me back say a month or so later (whenever) i'm not sure if i could... i wouldn't like it to ruin us, she was my first relationship ever and i want it to remain special.

 

Also when she broke up with me she said "I really like you but it cant work because we dont see eachother often" I was thinking about proposing getting back together and seeing each other much more frequently. But my friend told me that i shouldn't do that, that she would come back to me if she wants a relationship with me.

 

Oh it's my birthday tomorrow, if she wishes me happy birthday i am going to ignore her. Or is this rude

[thisismystory]

If this is a phone conversation

 

Her: Happy birthday!

You: Thanks! How have you been?

Her: Good. blah blah. And you?

You: Good too. Just blah and blah. Listen, I'm kinda in the middle of something. I gotta go.

Her: Ohh....ok.

You: Bye

Her: Bye

 

If this is on AIM, MSN, e-mail, text: just reply with a thanks.

[ATR]

Aha, yeah it would be by text if anything. Anyway i'm not sure she will remember anyway, i dont care if she doesn't.

 

Dammit i keep having mood swings, i spent the day with a friend and was feeling really good about myself, went to the gym came back home and now i'm feeling all depressed. I had her to talk to before now i don't How do i overcome this?

Thanks.

[thisismystory]

it took me a long time to get over my first relationship. you'll get over it too. just don't contact her or at least...keep it minimal. don't get sucked into it again.

 

my ex kept giving me false hope. kept calling me. asking me if i was alright. in the end....he didn't want me anyways.

 

so just use this free time to better yourself. get a new hobby. etc. distract yourself.

[ATR]

Ok, i think i'll take up swimming again

So i keep contact to an absolute minimum. Can i ask what should i do if she says "Why are you ignoring me?" I'm guessing i ignore that? Or do i tell her i can't contact her unless it is her asking for me back?

 

Thanks for the replys

 

 

UPDATE:

She sent me a text today saying that her mum was the reason she could not come and see me. I offered (YESTERDAY) that my mum and her mum speak about it but she replied today.

 

She told me that her mum wouldn't let her come because she wouldn't trust my mum even though they spoke on the phone.

 

I AM NOT going to text her back. I do not know what to say and i want non contact. If she wishes me happy birthday tomorrow i will say thanks and thats it. If she asks in the future why i am ignoring her i will say i am trying to get over you!?!?!? HELP ME IM SO CONFUSED!!!

Thanks again

[ATR]

I don't know if bumping is illegal here but what the heck:p

 

YAY finally 17 i can learn to drive!

[hereandnow]

Happy birthday man! You feeling all right today?

 

I'm kind of in the same boat, though I'm 27. Fixing to start riding motorcycles.

[ATR]

Yeah, i'm doing alright thanks:) You're 27 today?

 

My ex text me saying "Happy birthday xxx"

What's with the kisses lol

Shall i just text back "Thanks." (without x's. LOL does that sound lame )

[hereandnow]

No, it's not my birthday today, I was just saying we're both starting new vehicular interests!

 

I think "Thanks!" would be fine. I'd probably throw in the exclamation point for good measure. You know, keep it light.

 

With regards to birthdays and breakups though, my last date with my ex gf was on my birthday. 4 days later she wanted a break!

[ATR]

Aha, i just text her back "Thanks!" lol

If she tries to continue the conversation i.e. "How are you then?" I'm going to just ignore it, yeah?

 

I think one advantage is throughout my relationship with her we never fell in love. I mean i liked her lots but not love, definately not

However when she ended it and i was going through my "begging" stage i said "I really thought i could love you" i feel kinda embarrassed about that now:o

 

Also i think im getting the feeling of false hope:confused: I think i could get back to her if i explained how it would work but i'm going to keep non conact and write her a letter sometime in the future saying i'm ignoring her to move on.

 

Thanks!

[hereandnow]

I wouldn't ignore it, I mean, you just texted her. Keep it short and sweet. You know light, fun. I think a good rule of thumb is not to go on too much longer than she does with any response. Keep it shorter if you can.

 

Ahh, the modern psychology of the text exchange!

[ATR]

Yeah but i kind of want to go non contact with her, so i can get over her. I dont want to keep texting her:confused: I want to lose my feelings and i don't know if i can.

Shall i just reply with one word answers? But then she might get annoyed or bored of me!? I want her to miss me:o:o

 

ARGHH

[hereandnow]

I was giving you that advice for if she texts you back immediately after the Happy Birthday thing. Why don't you tell her the next time she gets in touch that you'd rather not here from her for a while unless she wants to get back together. Boom done.

 

But be nice about it.