Everytime I say no, he finds a way to convince me to say yes, but won't commit

[Laydee]

Ok, this is the most complicated situation ever, but I'll try to explain it briefly. About 3 years ago I got very friendly with one of my collegaues from work, we flirted a lot, and we both knew we fancied eachother but nothing ever happened because he had a girlfriend. We were in different parts of the building in work at this time so it was ok. Then he got transferred to the desk next to me, and started blatently ignoring me, out of the blue and for no reason, I kind of figured he was worried about rumours of something going on between me and him, even though he was in relationship.

 

We ended up hating eachother as a result, but then he left that job and started phoning me again a few months later, this time we did get together, however casual, and he told me that he and his girlfriend had broken up - which turned out to be a lie!

 

Rumours got out and we ended up falling out and hating eachother again, so then again about a year later, I bumped in to him in the bar, and we got on well, he was still with his girlfriend, and still coming on strong, I wasn't about to make the same mistake again, I kept brushing him off, untill he told me one day that he had actually split up with his girl. And this time it was true. I wasn't overly interested because I knew what he was like but I gave in and agreed to meet him for the drink.

 

Since then, we've been meeting up a good bit and we are forever on the phone etc. It's out in the open but he concentrates so much on the physical part of the relationship it drives me mad. He says one minute that he intends to stay single for the next 5 years, and then the next he's telling me that he'd love to go out with me...."but" he has me running around in circles after him. Everytime I say no, he finds a way to convince me to say yes, but at the same time won't commit, but gives me some hope sometimes that he might.

 

I dont know what to do to make him realise that he's lucky to have me.....

 

Any ideas?

[clia]

Sigh.

 

I dont know what to do to make him realise that he's lucky to have me.....

 

Any ideas?

 

Yes. Leave him. If he doesn't figure it out then, he's too stupid to have you anyway. Or...

 

Since then, we've been meeting up a good bit and we are forever on the phone etc.

 

Stop talking on the phone so much. Set a timer and hang up after 10 minutes. Don't you have better things to do?

 

It's out in the open but he concentrates so much on the physical part of the relationship it drives me mad.

 

If it drives you mad, then why are you accepting this kind of behavior?

 

He says one minute that he intends to stay single for the next 5 years, and then the next he's telling me that he'd love to go out with me....

 

I'm confused. Are you dating him or just sleeping with him?

 

"but" he has me running around in circles after him.

 

No, you have yourself running in circles around him. He is being himself. You are accepting his behavior and then chasing after him more. This is not the way to get him to like you or want to be with you or to treat you better. You are giving him positive reinforcement that this is a-okay with you. If it's not, you have to change how you respond to him.

 

Everytime I say no, he finds a way to convince me to say yes, but at the same time won't commit, but gives me some hope sometimes that he might.

 

Be very clear to him through your actions that you will not tolerate this. Don't talk to him on the phone for hours. Don't see him excessively. Don't drop everything to be with him. Stop chasing him. Etc....

[grags]

What is your gut instinct? There's no room for wishful thinking when your heart is at stake. From the description you've provided, it's clear to me that this fool is jerking you around. Judging by his past behavior, I don't predict any sudden change of heart in the future. I think things will continue pretty much along the same course. He'll continue being vague and deceptive as long as he knows you're a willing participant in his game. It sounds to me as though you're a lot crazier about him than he is about you. Why let someone toy with you?

[Iamhappy]

Let me just add one more thing to what the other posters have advised you on:

 

he told me that he and his girlfriend had broken up - which turned out to be a lie!

 

I hate to repeat what's been said so many times on this forum, but if he was willing to cheat with you, he will cheat on you.

 

Walk away from this loser and find someone else who's more deserving of your love.