calculus Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 This was about a 3 month relationship. It's hard for me to get over the breakup because this was the first girl I truly felt love and connected closely on both a physical and intellectual level. We shared many common interests together. We both felt that actually. To make a long story short, the final blow to the relationship was when I said something to hurt her character deeply enough. She wanted the truth all the time from the relationship and I affirmed what I said although I wish I could take it back. That's what she told me recently after I brought up where we stand. We were supposed to meet up sometime this week for an unrelated reason. That fell through and I just had an IM conversation with her about what I wanted to tell her during that meeting. Well that's what she said to me although we are still friends even after we broke-up. The relationship just didn't work. She mentioned that we were just two different types of people and sometimes that's the way it is. I asked if she still needed space and time away and she said yes to get rid of some of the awkwardness between us. I'm guessing that means she still harbors some sort of anger and feelings of love towards me still. Hence probably the real reason why she didn't want to meet up. I'm fine with giving her space until the time that we can actually do stuff that friends do (hang out and all that), but is there seriously a very slight chance that I might win her heart back? Or am I just kidding myself and just accept the fact that she's still willing to be my friend.
BikerBeagle Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 You are just kidding yourself ...that you'll win her back, AND that the two of you will ever be friends.
steve9417 Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 if she couldn't accept you for who you are then she's not good enough for you ....... two people have to want it and if that ain't the case then it ain't right ..... you deserve a more rewarding relationship ..... move on with your head up and read some of the LS threads on coping ........ strangly enough you're not alone out there ;-)
Author calculus Posted December 16, 2008 Author Posted December 16, 2008 Funny thing is that I disclosed to her some of the problems I have and she did accept me for me. I'm the one that made a mistake (out of overreacting angrily) of attacking one of her character traits. She said she always wanted the truth in the relationship and I'm known to be blunt when people want the actual truth. As a side note, I have her as a friend on a social networking side and it seemed like she wanted to go back to an old flame from the past almost just after our relationship ended, but that guy didn't want anything to do with her. Normally I'd be laughing at the failed rebound effect, but whatever. Nothing I can do now. I still have her on instant messenger and see her online all the time. Still have her phone number on my phone too. This wasn't like a previous relationship I had which was messy and I erased everything of that girl. Though her number is on my phone, I also learned from past experiences that repeatedly calling and automatically getting a voicemail gets me nowhere (eventually after a couple of months of no contact and moving on, the girl actually e-mailed me and wanted to start something again which eventually failed again). Anyway I guess I shouldn't even try and say hi to her at all on IM, right?
brianthesnail Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 Unfortunately my ex and i both wanted each other back, but at different times... When she first wanted me i wasnt ready, but then when i realised what id lost she was trying hard to move on and didnt want to know. When she wanted me, she didnt leave me alone, and not having the space to get my head straight just made me resent her more. When i wanted her back i too struggled not to get in touch on social networking stuff and msn, at the time forgetting how much she'd irritated me by doing it! I think the best way is to have as little contact as possible, if you seem less interested and she genuinely isnt any longer, it helps things to settle quicker. If she is interested, the lack of contact will make her miss you more and perhaps things will work out. I know for me it was only once we started serious NC that i began to miss her and realised what id lost! With future breakups i think the best possible plan is total NC for the first few weeks, space for you both to work out whether or not you actually want to move on or not.
Author calculus Posted December 17, 2008 Author Posted December 17, 2008 I just wish there was a way to make Yahoo IM contacts appear offline on the buddy list just like how it can be done in gtalk. I'd rather not delete any names, but making them appear offline. At least that gets them off the list in that sense. And close friend of mine had the brilliant idea of changing the passwords to my social networking sites so that I wouldn't be tempted to log on and see what they've been up to. Can't log in anymore since the password has been changed by a person I trust. Any of those other friends on the social networking sites know how to reach me if they can't through myspace or facebook. Doesn't matter anyway. Less for me to worry about.
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