xjadex Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 Met this guy online months ago and we met for real a couple of weeks back. We are long distance and so since the date we have kept in touch by telephone, we plan on meeting again soon. Thing that bothers me is, we met on a dating site and he's still frequenting this site. He isn't on there all the time, but I've noticed he is still logging on. I found out and because my sister has a profile on same site and while she was logged in, I'd noticed him online Anyway and because he was going on, I decided to go back on...what is good for the goose, is good for the gander so to speak. He saw me on there and we started chatting, then he says 'Can I ask you a question'? He then asks me, if I would ever meet anyone else from that dating site? So I'd replied no I wouldn't, not while I was seeing him. Then I'd asked why he'd asked this and he said he wanted to feel 'secure!!! WTF?? He wants to feel 'secure' and assurances I won't go off to meet anyone else, yet he's the one still logging on and frequently, whilst I had left and am hardly on there...??? What to make of this??
Vertex Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 Probably not a good sign. Sounds like, to me, he's really asking "Are you willing to be my backup fallgirl and stay put for me in the event that I don't find anyone else better on this site I keep logging on to?" If you guys are in a relationship, there's really no excuse for this guy to be logging onto that site frequently unless he's still looking. The fact that he saw you online probably sparked a bit of worry, and so he was basically making sure you weren't doing what he was doing.
Author xjadex Posted December 16, 2008 Author Posted December 16, 2008 We aren't in a relationship, I've only met him once, but we are meeting again soon. Don't think it classifies as a relationship. But still, if he wanted to continue his search, it would be nice to let me know and I would continue the search also. I don't relish the thought that a guy I'm seeing, may be seeing and sleeping with others also, I value my health. He says he's chatting to friends and goes on to see if I am there. Hardly unlikely to tell me he's fishing though, is he, lol When I mentioned it to him, he went on the defense. Says he is hurt I don't trust him. LMFAO!
Benique Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 You have met him only once . This is not a relationship yet . But ...it`s a red flag in the case if you stopped logging in the dating site ,and he is still there .. You will see in some time how things will develop themselves, anyway beware , he is still on the search . - one story I want to tell you . It may seem a bit brutal, but I do not want you get hurt from him more than from my post now . Ok ? I think, you will understand me right . . Just two months ago same story happened to one of my friends . She dated a guy from the dating site,they had several meetings, indeed warm dates with sex and all ...He still was logging in the dating site Untill ONCE he just deleted his profile !! My friend was so glad !! .... As it appeared ,he met a girl whom he fell in love with .... He started to live with her ... my friend was dropped .... she did not know what to do ... he had several dates with her ... but perhaps she was not that important to him,as still was logging in .... ... I am sorry to tell you this, I just want you to be aware that if you really mean anything to him , he will stop logging in soon , sooner than you think ... but if he logs in and appears online , tis` a really red red flag , do not break your heart . He is not the only one .
LovieDove24 Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 To be honest I believe Beniques post is a bit dramatic. The chances of your guy doing what was done to her friend is worst case scenario. And from my experience nothing is ever as bad or as good as it seems. Anyways, to answer your question. I think its quite fine that he is still logging onto the dating site. You are not official yet so dating other people is A-ok. And yes you are right, whats good for the goose is good for the gander...well put! The trouble I see here arises from the fact that you are "snooping" on him so early in the game. And also the fact that he told you what HE needs for 'security' but you did not tell him. If you do not wish for him to continue on this dating site--and I assume this is the case--it is JUST as reasonable for you to express as much as he did for you. Please discuss this with him. Or, if you were me, just let it be you're not official yet.
Benique Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 Maybe my post is dramatic,but It was not me that wanted to make it such . It is a true story ,and I did not create anything . I do not want anyone to get hurt by having false hopes about their g/bf .That`s all . And surely it is very useful to talk to him straight and to explain and express your feelings .
EYECANDY000 Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 You have only met him once, and you are tripping about him still logging on. I'm sorry girl, but he's not committed to you. It sounds like you are making more out of it, than really there. Why are you concerned about him talking to someone else, if you two haven't established nothing. Besides, do you even like him? It sounds like it was more of a blow to your self esteem, that he would meet you and then logg on to the same site to converse with others. You have only know him a month and met once, put a little more effort into getting to know him then worry about why he is still logging on that site. Some people just like to browse sites for entertainment purposes.. like myself..... He has to give up surfing a site because he met you?
zdheat Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 He's keeping his options open which is exactly what I'd be doing. You aren't exclusive so there's no need for him to stop seeing others.
Author xjadex Posted December 16, 2008 Author Posted December 16, 2008 You have only know him a month and met once, put a little more effort into getting to know him then worry about why he is still logging on that site. Some people just like to browse sites for entertainment purposes.. like myself..... He has to give up surfing a site because he met you? Actually I've known him a year and we chatted online all that time. He was the one declaring love before we met, not me. He was the one who went on like it was all 'exclusive', between us not me. We met for first time, a couple of weeks back. I just thought that after knowing him all this time, he'd take time out to get to know ME....not ME and a thousand others at the same time. And I'd rather he be honest with me. He's made it clear he doesn't want me to date anyone else.....so why should it be different for him? He wanted my word that I won't date others and in order to feel secure...what about me? Typical case of, he can do it...doesn't want me doing it!
flc Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 So you have known each other for a year online. He says he loves you and you have stopped meeting anyone online because you are comitted to him and you both have only met once! Is it just younger people today or what? How can you possible consider chatting online as anything meaningful? Relationships, love, comittment require you actually know your partner at a personal level, not from reading their txt messages.
Author xjadex Posted December 16, 2008 Author Posted December 16, 2008 The trouble I see here arises from the fact that you are "snooping" on him so early in the game. And also the fact that he told you what HE needs for 'security' but you did not tell him. If you do not wish for him to continue on this dating site--and I assume this is the case--it is JUST as reasonable for you to express as much as he did for you. Please discuss this with him. Or, if you were me, just let it be you're not official yet. I wasn't snooping. I noticed him logged in and when my sis was using my pc and on the same site. Actually he had said to me, did I have any worries about him and I'd said 'no'. I dont want to come across like a jealous, controlling biatch and that is why I'd said 'no'. I don't feel that I have to ask him to leave this site. If he was that 'into me', he'd leave of his own accord....he'd have no desire to visit it at all.
Author xjadex Posted December 16, 2008 Author Posted December 16, 2008 So you have known each other for a year online. He says he loves you and you have stopped meeting anyone online because you are comitted to him and you both have only met once! Is it just younger people today or what? How can you possible consider chatting online as anything meaningful? Relationships, love, comittment require you actually know your partner at a personal level, not from reading their txt messages. Well I remained loyal to him, yeah...dunno if he did the same. I wasn't looking to date anyway and he's just someone that came along, we got along well online and it went to phone. Took us so long to meet because we are long distance. The whole point in us meeting, was to see if there was anything there in real life, if we 'clicked'. Supposed to be meeting him again at the weekend...that is if I go ahead with it, which at the minute I don't feel like doing.
flc Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 xjadex my post was not particularly pointed at you but your story seems to be repeated a lot around here. Young people who are very concerned about their relationship and then we find out they have never physically met or only onceor twice. This just kind of suprises me and worries me as I see so many young adults including my own kids who have so little in person social interaction. Divorce rates are too high already, I don't see this trend helping things.
Author xjadex Posted December 16, 2008 Author Posted December 16, 2008 xjadex my post was not particularly pointed at you but your story seems to be repeated a lot around here. Young people who are very concerned about their relationship and then we find out they have never physically met or only onceor twice. This just kind of suprises me and worries me as I see so many young adults including my own kids who have so little in person social interaction. Divorce rates are too high already, I don't see this trend helping things. Young people? Im in my thirties, so is he...we are no spring chickens. And I had plenty social interaction when I was younger. Im also divorced with two daughters...been there, done that and worn the t shirt.
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