Mydish1 Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 This girl is a tough nut to crack. I talked to her for a bit over email and I set up a date with her. I had set up dates with her and rescheduled twice, both times she had some excuses. I said ok it's cool. And that since she's always busy that I would leave the ball in her court and told her to call me when she decides she has the time to get together. A couple days later she apologizes again and tells me she was stressed out and is now sick. ..I find it lame because if she was really interested, that she'd have the time to meet me up for at least 10 minutes. Anyway again I assure her it's not a problem and to call me when she gets over her cold so we can plan a good time to meet up. The few times I've spoken to her, she seems like a sweet girl and tries to keep in touch with me on occasion. But I wonder if I'm some kind of backup or someone she's using to feed her ego. Or if she expects me to me a consistent guy and call her and set a date. I'm going to play it cool and leave the ball in her court. And I'm going to keep my options open also. Though I can't help to feel like she's playing games and expects me to make plans/call her when she does get over her cold. What's up with this girl?
Gremio Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 She is playing head games or she doesn't know what she wants. It's one or the other, and neither choice is one I would settle with. I would leave her alone and "lose" her number. I just did this recently with someone. She was playing hard to get and then played the disappearing game on me for two weeks. She contacted me last night and I initially responded with "who is this" because I had deleted her number over the weekend. She was quite pissed and called me an ass.hole. I gave her a piece of my mind in a polite way. I don't play games.
esther0123 Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 i say lose her number too. sure, as a girl, i like to play hard to get sometimes but this isn't being "hard to get," this is being plain flakey and rude. playing an effective hard-to-get game wouldn't be canceling last minute with bs more than once.. it would be more like, letting him make his move 3 times whereas i may ask him to hang out once.. or something like that. i wouldnt cancel on a guy i actually liked. so yes, again, lose the number. she's leading you on because she doesn't quite like you enough to go on a date with you but she doesn't want to lose touch "JUST IN CASE". similar situation has happened to me too, but again, a guy playing mindgames, not myself. so, just like the gentleman above, i gave him a piece of my mind as well and told him to lose my number.
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 I just did this recently with someone. She was playing hard to get and then played the disappearing game on me for two weeks. She contacted me last night and I initially responded with "who is this" because I had deleted her number over the weekend. She was quite pissed and called me an ass.hole. I gave her a piece of my mind in a polite way. I don't play games. LMFAO. She must think she's something pretty special that you should know exactly who it is after disappearing for two weeks. Then overly-sensitive with the whole a-hole thing. Gees. Sounds to me like she got what she deserved. I wouldn't say it's entirely uncalled for in the OP situation, either. Sounds to me like she's putting you off as long as she can, throwing you a tiny bit of bait now and again to keep you interested.
Gremio Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 LMFAO. She must think she's something pretty special that you should know exactly who it is after disappearing for two weeks. Then overly-sensitive with the whole a-hole thing. Gees. Sounds to me like she got what she deserved. I wouldn't say it's entirely uncalled for in the OP situation, either. Sounds to me like she's putting you off as long as she can, throwing you a tiny bit of bait now and again to keep you interested. I hope she did. To explain the story a bit more: We were never official, but talked everyday for a month. She started being flaky a couple weeks back, stopped texting and calling me. I called her, left a message, then wrote a message on a social site. She received all the messages but never replied, so I deleted her number. She texted me the other day and a number just came up with no name. I wrote back that she has a lot of nerve to call me names since she was the one who was flaky, and that I was appalled by the name calling. She never wrote back.
Author Mydish1 Posted December 17, 2008 Author Posted December 17, 2008 I wouldn't say it's entirely uncalled for in the OP situation, either. Sounds to me like she's putting you off as long as she can, throwing you a tiny bit of bait now and again to keep you interested. that's what I think too. But it doesn't really matter, it's not enough to keep me interested. I'd be interested in going on a date and seeing where it leads, but I'd hardly be the fish for her bait. But all, thanks for the advice. It's hard to take her serious when her only excuses are either because she's stressed from moving or is sick. She canceled a date on me because she chose to go to IKEA over me..lol, a bit odd, but disrespectful she hadn't told me until I had asked her if the date was still on.
EYECANDY000 Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 Sweetie she's playing games. I think you are keeping it cool by allowing her to calll and initiate things, if she truely wants to hang out. After she notices that you are acting non chalant then I'm sure she's going to start to call more.. for right now, sit back like you been doing
JaneLane Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 . I say don't call her, let her call you. I don't think she's playing games with you. I had a friend who had a guy interested in her but she was always super busy and couldn't find time to spare. She was working and juggling crazy mess at the time so should couldn't really find time for the guy but she really liked him. Surely he stopped calling her and it took her three months to actually have time to get together with him. But she had to call him. They're still together, two years and counting. My advice, Don't call her. Don't "lose" her number. (It could be embarrassing to have to ask for it again if needed). Let her find time to call you. And if/when she does, if you're still interested, than pursue.
Star Gazer Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 I've done the same thing recently to someone, and let me be clear: I am NOT playing games. I HAVE been busy, things HAVE come up that are NOT "better things," and I HAVE been sick. I find it infuriating that everyone is assuming that she's playing games. You've given no explanation as to over what period of time your invites have taken place, or how many times. Keep in mind that it's the freakin' HOLIDAYS, the busiest time of the year for many people. Many people are also getting sick. Sounds like you haven't even MET this girl yet, so your expectations right now are ridiculously high. </rant>
Star Gazer Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 I say don't call her, let her call you. I don't think she's playing games with you. I had a friend who had a guy interested in her but she was always super busy and couldn't find time to spare. She was working and juggling crazy mess at the time so should couldn't really find time for the guy but she really liked him. Surely he stopped calling her and it took her three months to actually have time to get together with him. But she had to call him. They're still together, two years and counting. My advice, Don't call her. Don't "lose" her number. (It could be embarrassing to have to ask for it again if needed). Let her find time to call you. And if/when she does, if you're still interested, than pursue. Thank you!!! I will say, the guy who I had to cancel on and then had to delay making plans with KEPT CONTACTING ME repeatedly, and finally yesterday essentially demanded to know whether I was interested. All hope was lost at that point. If he had eased the eff off I would have eventually contacted him.
fivefive Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 Yea this has happend to me recently as well. I called a girl to see if she wanted to go out. She said she was busy and I'm not sure as well whether she's just playing hard-to-get, if she's truly busy, or she just doesn't wanna hang out.
BCCA Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 Yea this has happend to me recently as well. I called a girl to see if she wanted to go out. She said she was busy and I'm not sure as well whether she's just playing hard-to-get, if she's truly busy, or she just doesn't wanna hang out. See thats the thing, you just dont know. And for everyone out there who was actually busy, there are a million more using that as an excuse. For us men, its really hard to play the game when your cards are on the table and the womans are close to her chest. And Ill say it again: where there is a will, there is a way. If you really like a guy, but are super busy, why not explain where your at and ask him to be patient until you have time? Just canceling or putting someone off make it hard for us men to know what your thinking, and no one wants to be the pathetic idiot that keeps asking a girl out and getting brushed off (the reasons for being brushed off are irrelevant). If he had eased the eff off I would have eventually contacted him. No offense, but I personally don't take it as a compliment that someday when you got around to it you would have eventually called me. I mean, what about the guy and what he wanted? How does he have any idea whether youre actually going to call him or are interested? Like I said before, it's a catch 22 for men. Me personally, I'll ask someone out 1-2, and if I get wishy washy excuses, that's it. I'm not going to wait indefinitely for the opportunity to go out with someone, when it make never come. I guess the best advice I can give women out there is that we cant read minds, and EVERYONE is 'busy' when theyre not interested.
Star Gazer Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 And Ill say it again: where there is a will, there is a way. If you really like a guy, but are super busy, why not explain where your at and ask him to be patient until you have time? Just canceling or putting someone off make it hard for us men to know what your thinking, and no one wants to be the pathetic idiot that keeps asking a girl out and getting brushed off (the reasons for being brushed off are irrelevant). First, AGAIN, doesn't sound like the OP has even MET this girl yet. How is she supposed to "really like" him yet? Should she be moving mountains for a stranger? Or even someone she's only went on one or two dates with? I don't think so. I've cancelled and tried to reschedule. I've said, "I can't do tomorrow, maybe next week - I'm crazy busy right now, I'll let you know." Two days later, he's back with, "When are you free? When are you free? Don't want to put pressure on you, but when are you free???" Um....I said I'd let HIM know. I'm legitimately busy, dude. No offense, but I personally don't take it as a compliment that someday when you got around to it you would have eventually called me. I mean, what about the guy and what he wanted? How does he have any idea whether youre actually going to call him or are interested? He doesn't, but he never has either. And he never will, unless he allows me the space to call. He shouldn't be waiting around for a call under these circumstances anymore than he should be under any other circumstances. He should be living his life. If the timing works out, great. If not, no biggie. But believe it or not, people DO get busy.
BCCA Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 But believe it or not, people DO get busy. Absolutely true. But by the same token, people DO use that as an excuse, you cant deny that. And I hardly think giving someone who you might be interested in dating at a later time a heads up on your busy schedule is 'moving mountains' by any stretch. How would you feel if you liked a guy, and all you got was 'Im busy' when you asked to see him? You would probably think he wasnt interested, wouldnt you? I've cancelled and tried to reschedule. I've said, "I can't do tomorrow, maybe next week - I'm crazy busy right now, I'll let you know." Two days later, he's back with, "When are you free? When are you free? Don't want to put pressure on you, but when are you free???" Um....I said I'd let HIM know. I'm legitimately busy, dude. Ok, you definitely did the right thing and this guy went overboard. Definitely cant blame you here, its like he wasnt even listening. I think the fact that you offered alternatives shows interest and respect, and he was an idiot for calling and hounding you. He should be living his life. If the timing works out, great. If not, no biggie. I agree in theory, but hear me out. I think what youre missing is that what you really want to say is that if the timing works out for YOU, then cool but if not, oh well. While thats a perfectly understandable thing to believe, you cant blame someone for feeling a tad put off. However, if you were giving him the explination you said before, I cant see why anyone wouldnt understand. This is not directed at you, but women in general - again we cant read minds and if we dont get the feeling that youre interested pretty quickly, we're probably going to let it go for good. Its the only choice we really have.
Fierce Grace Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 I think this is a interesting situation b/c more likely than not i've canceled dates because I'm busy .. and nobody likes to believe the busy story though. I've also canceled because something "better" has come up so that too does exist.. and oddly enough the world rotated one more time and i got sick the next week and canceled yet again... so its truly possible.. and has nothing to do with the guy... but i wouldn't appreciate the smug comments or attitude I think you've left the door open for her to call you when she's ready to go out and can leave it at that ... but i think even moreso if u don't go out immediately and are truly interested you might want to take the time to get to know her via the phone... I don't know the context of your meeting her but if it was over email and then u moved to hang out she might of got a lil nervous and creeped out.. but maybe some more gettin to know u via phone might help.. call to see how her day went or check on how she's feeling since she's sick.. but don't put pressure on going out.... Just my own experiences I'm highly annoyed by ppl that just call to ask me out they don't call for for other reason.. they fumble through cordialities and get to when we hanging out just seems insincere ..... just a weird pet peeve of mine... i think gettin to know people comes in many different forms and it doesn't mean that the end all be all of it is on a outing..
tidalwave Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 move on man she is not in to you. you are more than likely the back up guy or the 2nd back up even. if she was really in to you she would not cancel, period. she has something else lined up but wants you on a string just in case she needs you - if her other options dry up. if you are cool with that then linger around, if not - just let her go.
edinsvet Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 I disagree with the people that say lose her number. These types of things happen. And you can't get upset about it. This is just how it works. You need to initiate, they will cancel sometimes at the last minute. When she does write you --- Don't even bring it up. Just tell her you are happy to hear from her and would love to see her again.
Gremio Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 I disagree with the people that say lose her number. These types of things happen. And you can't get upset about it. This is just how it works. You need to initiate, they will cancel sometimes at the last minute. When she does write you --- Don't even bring it up. Just tell her you are happy to hear from her and would love to see her again. Those are games, and intelligent people don't play them. By cancelling without a serious reason, she is only toying with him and stringing him along. He is wasting his time.
Author Mydish1 Posted December 18, 2008 Author Posted December 18, 2008 I've done the same thing recently to someone, and let me be clear: I am NOT playing games. I HAVE been busy, things HAVE come up that are NOT "better things," and I HAVE been sick. I find it infuriating that everyone is assuming that she's playing games. You've given no explanation as to over what period of time your invites have taken place, or how many times. Keep in mind that it's the freakin' HOLIDAYS, the busiest time of the year for many people. Many people are also getting sick. Sounds like you haven't even MET this girl yet, so your expectations right now are ridiculously high. </rant> SG, I think you and BCCA have a good discussion going on, though I'm not too much in the mood to participate. Anyway what I've learned about women over the years is that games happen naturally when they're not that interested. And I think that's probably the case. And so you know, we've already met at a speed dating event. My expectations aren't high. I'm fairly non-chalant about this. Though you would be wrong if you were to say I don't have any expectations. My expectations are normal like anyone else's, set a date and not expect you to blow me off twice. Yes people do live busy lives. But there's nothing as busy as not being able to meet up with someone for at least 5 minutes. It just screams low interest. Anyway I've already told her I'd leave the ball in her court. She know what needs to be done to redeem herself, if not oh well I'm going to pursue other girls in the meantime.
zdheat Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 Mydish, I think you've pretty much answered your own question. People can always get busy, but a person who is busy WILL MAKE TIME for someone they're interested in. If you were to repeatedly call this person and ask them out after there cancelations then you'd be signaling to her that she has the right to jerk you around which you don't want. A person who is busy, but interested will either propose a counter offer (I'm busy today, but free on Saturday) or will call when they've finished up whatever projects they're working on. The only thing you can do is outwait her and see if she calls. If she's busy and never calls then you'll know she was full of it and not interested.
Shnuggles Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 It doesn't take much to keep in touch these days. A simple SMS, email or whatever just to say "hi, Im still busy but miss you" can really make a difference. If you or anyone does put off that special someone because life gets busy then you should keep in touch at least a little if you wish to keep that special someone from leaving. In the long run, if the communication between two people isnt working within 7 days then its not going to work out. She seems to like you but something weird is going on. My 2 cents.
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