kreens Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 ahhh where do i start... i starting seeing my neighbour for about a month. I have mild Bipolar depression (which he knew about) and was off my medication during this period (for some insane reason)... Also my ex smokes alot of cannibas and i admit that i was doing a bit of this at the time. he also drinks a fair bit. This worried me as im not allowed to do either. but he has a stable job and we got along really well. He has his own issues with depression and anger, but it didnt seem to affect the relationship. He was very happy with me and vowed to cut down on everything. he told me he was falling in love with me... i admit that i got scared as i am going through a divorce and have 2 daughters from a previous marriage (which he got along with really well). we share custody and are on good terms. (which im not sure he was entirely comfortable with. about 4 weeks ago we broke up. We had a silly argument over which i got jealous over him having contact with his ex GF. He dropped me off home as he wanted to spend the night alone. (we had been seeing each other every night - which both of us had not been used to). I had fallen for him very quickly, i felt i was falling in love. much quicker than i had with my own husband who i was with for 13 yrs. Unfortunately when i got home i drank myself into a right state. (i had rejection issues, even tho we were not breaking up) and i ended up harassing him for most of the night. I cant even remember most of what i did as when i drink i tend to go into a manic state. Im completely embarassed by my behaviour. i just wanted to talk to him - but i was acting desperate and he just wanted to be with his friends. I took his dog for an hour and broke a window. these things i can hardly remember. im not even an agressive person, but i feel that the cannibas i had earlier in the day, including drinking (and not being on medication) attributed to my seriously unstable behaviour. Suffice to say he broke up with me... (im hardly surprised). I tried to ring constantly over the next few days and go over there (he lives across the road...) This made him get mad. He wanted time alone and me to give him space. i immediately went back on new medication although it takes a few days to take affect. I want to stress that while all this was happening my daughters were on father time during this behaviour. i continued to try and apologise by going over there every few days (i didnt need to call did i!!), trying to make it up to him by asking for a few minutes of his time. During this time he said to me that he would have got back together with me and 4given me but my obsessive calling was making him insane. he ended up getting very angry and having his friends over calling out names to me, texting me that i was spying on him (by this time i had ceased contact). It was his bday and he was quite drunk. But i was upset and went over to ask him not to involve his friends. He screamed at me all the names under the sun and i started crying alot. He then retreated and apologised and asked me in (his ex GF was there). after a few hours he walked me home and said that he had been falling in love with me but my constant contact had wrecked things. He said that if we ever had a chance that i needed to work hard at giving him space, he hugged and kissed me and said goodnight. after a week i stupidly started calling again which made him angry again, and that he never wanted to speak to me again - maybe in 6 months. This was over 2 weeks ago and i have had no contact with him. I feel so dumb and stupid. ive totally wrecked the situation. I cant eat.. the NC is the best thing. Now that my medication is working and im no longer substance abusing i feel totally embarassed by everything. My daughters and job keep me from totally breaking down.... I guess the main problem is that i know this was all my fault and the fact that he lives across the road and i have to drive home from work every-night and see him in his house (This is not avoidable i drive straight past).... i am quite depressed but have at least maintained NC for 2 weeks now. I still have feelings but am trying to move on for my own sanity sorry this is so long but any advice would be appreciated
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