Author frenchgirl Posted December 28, 2008 Author Posted December 28, 2008 So you still don't know if he's married (or in a relationship) or not? If not, I'd wonder why you're not wanting to know find this out? I think he's being smooth by his mention of a 'business lunch.' He's doing that to perhaps cover his arse and/or until he can determine if you're 'interested.' Perhaps he's just treading lightly. I get a sense, going just on what you've written and described, that he's a bit of a workplace-player; very smooth, very slick, has likely done this sort of thing before, likes to keep you guessing and wondering.....which might make him feel smugly very 'powerful.' I personally can't stand people who are vague and cryptic, who like to keep me guessing, to me it seems somewhat manipulative and a control-thing. If a guy is interested in me, I'd prefer him to be upfront about it as opposed to keep me guessing and analyzing. I appreciate your thoughts on this! I now know for sure that he recently came out of a relationship and is 100% single. My friend told me that he's definitely looking for a new girlfriend... I know that most people think lunch doesn't mean anything and that office romance is bad bad bad, but... I haven't met such an interesting guy in a long time and want to make sure I do the right thing! How can I show him I'm interested without going too far? Perhaps I can cook something and share it at the office?
Confusedalways Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 I appreciate your thoughts on this! I now know for sure that he recently came out of a relationship and is 100% single. My friend told me that he's definitely looking for a new girlfriend... I know that most people think lunch doesn't mean anything and that office romance is bad bad bad, but... I haven't met such an interesting guy in a long time and want to make sure I do the right thing! How can I show him I'm interested without going too far? Perhaps I can cook something and share it at the office? ooo that's a good idea, maybe ask him his suggestions and make him extra or something!
Author frenchgirl Posted January 1, 2009 Author Posted January 1, 2009 Happy New Year everyone!!! I can't wait to go back to work on Monday... This weekend I'm going to prepare some sweets so I can share them with people at the office. I hope he'll get the drift!
JoeNewbie Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 I personally wouldn't pay for a girl I'm not interested in simply because I wouldn't have lunch with her in the first place.
ferraridave Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Thanks for your answers, guys! I know I should not look too much into this but I am starting to really like my colleague... He is so confident and has such an intense look when I talk to him. This week I baked some chocolate candies and brought them to the office. I made them for everyone but must admit I wanted to impress him the most. He seemed to really enjoy them and said to me that he could cook dinner but not desserts. And I readily replied that I couldn't cook anything but sweets... People around me commented that those were flirtatious lines. What do you think? Those definetely are flirtatious lines. if it were me i would have said something like "well maybe i should cook u dinner sometime...and u can get dessert." ive gotta say tho, be very careful, since he is ur higher-up, he could think ur only flirting with him to get ahead, which may push him away out of fear or maybe even disgust.
ferraridave Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 I appreciate your thoughts on this! I now know for sure that he recently came out of a relationship and is 100% single. My friend told me that he's definitely looking for a new girlfriend... I know that most people think lunch doesn't mean anything and that office romance is bad bad bad, but... I haven't met such an interesting guy in a long time and want to make sure I do the right thing! How can I show him I'm interested without going too far? Perhaps I can cook something and share it at the office? Usually the best way to find out if hes interested is tell him u need his help with something work related (preferably something anybody can help you with, so its obvious youre choosing him) and invite him to discuss it with you at drinks or maybe coffee (AFTER work). The reason is because its kind of transitional, its not threatening, and at the same time its not a stiff business thing. now there are a few differant reactions he may exhibit which tell you how to take it from there. If he says yes enthusiastically then he is interested. take him to a bar, start talking business then steer the conversation towards personal. If he says yes, but kinda like he doesnt want to or hes got better things to do then suggest a place like a bar and grill, that way u save yourself some embarrassment and he wont think u were coming on to him. If he outright says no, then pack up and better luck next time. If he says hes busy or he has another engagement, this could mean that he is busy or has a prior engagement, but more often then not hes not interested and trying to let u down easly. hope that helps and good luck!
Trialbyfire Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 I get a sense, going just on what you've written and described, that he's a bit of a workplace-player; very smooth, very slick, has likely done this sort of thing before, likes to keep you guessing and wondering.....which might make him feel smugly very 'powerful.' I personally can't stand people who are vague and cryptic, who like to keep me guessing, to me it seems somewhat manipulative and a control-thing. If a guy is interested in me, I'd prefer him to be upfront about it as opposed to keep me guessing and analyzing. I'm with you all the way on this one! If you want to play games, this might be the guy for you. If you want a longer-term, stable, investment scenario, I'm not convinced this is the right man for the job.
Author frenchgirl Posted January 8, 2009 Author Posted January 8, 2009 Usually the best way to find out if hes interested is tell him u need his help with something work related (preferably something anybody can help you with, so its obvious youre choosing him) and invite him to discuss it with you at drinks or maybe coffee (AFTER work). Thank you for your suggestion! Actually I didn't even have to invite him, he invited me for coffee at the end of our work day in order to discuss a few things. It was a legitimate discussion though.
Author frenchgirl Posted January 8, 2009 Author Posted January 8, 2009 I'm with you all the way on this one! If you want to play games, this might be the guy for you. If you want a longer-term, stable, investment scenario, I'm not convinced this is the right man for the job. Thanks for the warning. I'm not the most stable girl myself but must admit I don't really know him all that well. He seems really nice but then again I see him at the office and I'm sure he's on his best behavior.
onemorecupofcoffee Posted January 15, 2009 Posted January 15, 2009 This was definitely interesting to read! I'm in the same age-range/corporate environment as you, and I don't think he is playing games or doing anything out of line. Men stare at women's bodies not because they have any particular affection for the woman they're staring at, but because they can't adequately hide their overt attraction to whatever it is that's turning them on! Purely carnal. Trust me, I see it in even the married men. I know one guy who continually approaches this young cute girl and she tells me that he'll make conversation, but will constantly brings up his wife mid-story, almost on queue, and seemingly almost to prove (to himself?) that he is not flirting and is happily married and just having a legit conversation with the young colleague. But it looks like flirting. All I'm saying is be careful with perception - people see and people talk. On the other hand, I know plenty of coworkers who met at work and is now married to that same person! If I were you, I would just enjoy the moments with this crush you have, and make sure you let him know you're having a good time and enjoying his company. If he is having a good time too, he's going to keep on asking you out-- that's just how it works. But focus on your work, and even though you keep saying you don't really care that much about this job - focus on it anyway. He'll be attracted to you for you - if he likes you, just keep doing what you're doing. If he doesn't like you in that way, nothing you do in the immediate future is going to change that.
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