Apeclet74 Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 OKAY! So, this is my first thread here haha. Well, my girlfriend of a little over a year is going off on a cruise for Spring Break, i know it is a little bit a ways away, but i want to be prepared, i miss her horribly when we are even apart for nights, but for a whole week of no contact even, i really just need to know how to, distract myself and keep my mind active so i dont mope around while she is gone. or worse, wind up scaring myself and questioning her fidelity. just some hints, tips, advice! anything please! :)
Tomcat33 Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 Hi Apeclet74, I understand how you feel it is hard to let go of someone you really love on a long trip like that but the reality is that in our romantic lives there will be many times when we will we seperated from our love interest for extended periods of times and they will be in situations we have no control over so you just have to learn to accept that. Trust is the key. You have to tell yourself that no matter what happens on that trip what you have between the two of you is much stronger than any temptation she might have while away. Try to plan some activities for yourself with your mates so that you are not at home all week racking your brain with silly thoughts, but don't overcompensate by putting yourself in tempting situations of debauchery thinking you must compete with her. When you get silly thoughts make them go away, don't entertain silly thoughts and your mood will be reflected. The reality is that most the time what we imagine in our heads is going to happen behind our backs is not even close to what really happens. In other words we paint this crazy picture in our heads and what ends up happening is that they end up missing you on the trip instead and you actually have nothing to worry about. This is a good test for the two of you to see how you will handle your time apart and that will also decide how you will be with each other when you reunite again sometimes it even helps to bring you even closer. Trust that she will not do anything that will jeopardize what you have together, if she does, and that's a BIG IF, then what you think you have with her is not as serious or as good as you thought it was and it's best to know now she can't be trusted than a few years down the road when you are even more serious about each other. Can she not email you while away or you contact her with a calling card? Not pressure her to keep tabs with you but discussing your insecurities together sometimes is the one thing you need to solidify your trust. Would you feel comfortable telling her in a light hearted sort of way that you are little jealous of her going alone? You know sort of make a light joke saying something like "I wouldn't want some guy to sweep you off your feet while you are away" and show her your puppy eyes and a wink? I find that worked with me when guys were honest it just made me want to put them at ease that much more and when I was away all I would do is think about them no matter who was infront of me. Don't get your back up or do stuff to push her away out of jealousy, that is a surefire way to make her also play jealousy games and no one wins like that.
Author Apeclet74 Posted December 17, 2008 Author Posted December 17, 2008 Tomcat33; thank you very very much for your response to my dillema! I will most definitely try the idea of the light hearted discussion, i want her to be aware of my feelings, but not intimidated by them. Also, thank you for warning me of putting myself in tempting situations; i'm a jumpstart thinker and i probably wouldn't of realized what i was doing until twenty minutes or so before said plans would've taken place. I really, really, appreciate this reply, it was indepth and explained all of my fears, you seem very expierienced and knowledgable in this area of relationships. AGAIN! THANK YOU! =) that was my main concern, keeping my brain busy, i have an extremely over-active imagination and those silly thoughts would soon turn into horrid nightmares.
Tomcat33 Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 Hey Apeclet glad to share some words of comfort with you if it helps. I am by no means any sort of expert I am expert in my own feelings having been in situations and dealing with different emotions, that's all. I remember one of my first significant relationships I must have been 18, and I always felt so insecure, my boyfriend lived in another town altogether about 1hr away from me and we could only see each other on weekends he would sleep over my house (living room sofabed) and I would occasionally be allowed to spend the day with him in his town with his family etc and all the in between was so hard. I used to get super insecure of what would happen when I was not around him, my thougths would always get the best of me. Looking back this guy was so into me so incredibly in love with me I absolutely had nothing to worry about. I ended breaking his heart eventually since I was young and did no want to be tied down, plus we were moving countries and I did not intend on marrying him or wanted to continue the relationship long distance, I fell out of love so things changed for me after a while. Here is the ironic twist of fate: Then fast forward to years later I met the man I thought I would marry and he cheated on me while we were engaged, it was the guy I least expected would do that and I was so sure of him so sure that I had him wrapped and then bang! So in life you learn that you have no control over what your mate does, you can only control your own thoughts and emotional well being. We are our own worst enemies, we tend to think the worst in not so bad situations and we end up creating problems where there are none. Not to take away from your concerns which are valid ones, it is scary to know a g/f b/f will be off on a trip by themselves for an entire week, but you have to have faith that the person you are with is not going to do anything to jeaopardize what you have.
crazy4you Posted December 19, 2008 Posted December 19, 2008 I don't know how you would be able to let her go and be assured that she's loyal. I guess if you really trust her then don't worry about it, however you'll never know. As for distracting yourself, just play some video games and watch movies or something. Go hang out with the guys, do stuff you normally wouldn't with her around. I know that my gf hates alcohol (and believe me I'm not a drinker just like to get buzzed sometimes) so when she isn't around I can be free to do that. Just take it easy. Oh and this is 2008 (soon to be 09), we have cell phones now. You don't have to let go of her for a whole week you can still text her every now and then and stay in touch.
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