iwanttolive Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 I can't help noticing my galfrens who are in a happy relationships come from happy and intact family backgrounds. I guess these people are more confident, not afraid of loneliness and have healthy mindset because they have constant family support. As a result, they are generally more attractive and able to handle problems well. My parents, on the other hand, are divorced. My mom was too submissive to my dad and my dad treated her with disrespect when they were together. I left home to study overseas when I was only 13, right after I completed my elementary school. I've been living on my own since then and only return to visit my broken family about 3 times a year. I'm not sure if I can be as happy as those galfrens of mine with stable family environment. Or if I can ever enjoy a happy relationship with my partner in the future. Seems that I lack of self-respect, healthy self-image and strong attitude & personality in each relationship I've been in. I guess that's why I failed many times? Any thoughts?
DSM-IV Tom Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 Well, let's see. First and foremost, it is definitely a correct assumption that generally (when other external factors such as mental disorders, are not in the equation) that children of stable families will INDEED be more sane/healthier mentally. But there are always exceptions. I lost my mom when I was 9 and have used such a traumatic event to study myself and how to deal with trauma, and as a result, am stronger than I could've ever been otherwise. And on the opposite, I know someone who was from a stable family who is insane. But as I said in the beginning, the child of a stable family will generally be more 'normal' and better equipped mentally. Now for the good stuff. The fact alone you realize you have some issues, is a great achievement. It is really at least half the battle. You see them, you can correct them. I suggest you visit a psychologist in order to help walk the path you need to in order to fight off your inner demons. As a result, you can end up even MORE stable mentally than any of your friends... because you've truly looked deep within and changed; you've fought off demons, and learned it's not impossible. You can be the one your friends are jealous of.
hereandnow Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 I do believe people from stable families do tend to make healthier relationships. But, like Tom said, this is no reason why you can't be in a healthy relationship, or break free of any of the possible baggage that may be holding you back. I come from probably the best type of family background that you can come from, but I've struggled with addiction and OCD. I do believe, however, that when it comes to friendly and romantic relationships, I do tend to build a healthy dynamic.
Diamonds&Rust Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 I can't help noticing my galfrens who are in a happy relationships come from happy and intact family backgrounds. I guess these people are more confident, not afraid of loneliness and have healthy mindset because they have constant family support. As intuitive as it seems, I never accepted this. I guess it was my own youthful rebellion (which I might have squandered posting here on LS as a different user, back in the days before political warmongering had its own forum; during the whole Bush/Kerry thing the personal vendettas would spread across all sorts of posts and totally derail LS's mission) that wanted desperately to believe that we're not the sum of our parents. But now I work with at-risk youth and it becomes really predictable. I think it has a lot to do with kids having someone stable that they can trust with their emotions but who still gives them room to assert their own identity. Providing structure and support for a kid, with a clear boundary as 'parent' rather than 'best friend,' is actually quite difficult; too many people, especially who have kids by accident, just seek companionship in their children. Others are simply mean to them. These kids, though wonderful at heart, are truly nightmares behaviorally because they don't know how else to survive. I'm not sure if I can be as happy as those galfrens of mine with stable family environment. Or if I can ever enjoy a happy relationship with my partner in the future. Seems that I lack of self-respect, healthy self-image and strong attitude & personality in each relationship I've been in. I guess that's why I failed many times? I had the biggest aversion to counseling until I found myself on the other side of the case-note. I thought it was about paying someone to listen to you, a hired friend who doesn't really care. But the perspective and therapeutic scope of a trusted counselor, especially for mild mental health rehabilitation, is invaluable. Give it a shot.
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