BCCA Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 Hey everyone, Now that I've officially turned the corner on getting over my ex, I've been trying to put myself out there and meet new girls. Problem is, where? I've gone through having coworkers/friends trying to set me up, I've hit the bars, made conversations while I'm out, etc...but I figured I would give online dating a try. Problem is, I'm having as close to no luck as humanly possible. I'm a relatively good looking guy, and I don't usually have a hard time getting girls intersted in at least talking in person, but somehow, when I try and email, I just dont get any responses, or very very few. I've been reading online about what to say and how to phrase your emails, but it doesnt seem to be working yet. Should I just chalk it up as a patch of bad luck or are other people having troubles with the online thing as well?
D-Lish Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 What about your pictures? They have the most impact when it comes to online dating. I get a message and I don't read it until I look at the pictures first. I will reject a message when I can't see their face clearly, or if they have pictures up with their arms around random women (reeks of insecurity). I find guys don't take the time to put up good pictures of themselves... and that's important to pay attention to.
edinsvet Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 Well how many e-mails did you send, and did you only send them to the hottest girls? Online dating is a lot of work. Good looking women literally get hundreds of responses, even women that are not that good looking might get 50 or 100 responses, so as a guy you may need to send out hundreds of emails just to get a few dates Also on some sites they ignore the e-mail and just do live chat and they may be talking to 3 guys at once. It is a lot of work. Move fast and expect to spend hours and hours just to get a few dates.
movingonandon Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 Hey everyone, Now that I've officially turned the corner on getting over my ex, I've been trying to put myself out there and meet new girls. Problem is, where? I've gone through having coworkers/friends trying to set me up, I've hit the bars, made conversations while I'm out, etc...but I figured I would give online dating a try. Problem is, I'm having as close to no luck as humanly possible. I'm a relatively good looking guy, and I don't usually have a hard time getting girls intersted in at least talking in person, but somehow, when I try and email, I just dont get any responses, or very very few. I've been reading online about what to say and how to phrase your emails, but it doesnt seem to be working yet. Should I just chalk it up as a patch of bad luck or are other people having troubles with the online thing as well? It's like applying for jobs. (Depending on your industry, you have about 1%-3% success rate.). Your profile should be mostly (mildly) funny, wich a dash of maturity. I consider myself to have done ok on match: without too much work, in the space of 5 months i've been on dates with 6 girls, 1 of which I'm currently dating. You need a lot of patience, and low expectations. Also prepare for many 1st dates with no 2nd date. I'd suggest to only email girls that you find outstanding. That way you'll put less work and more thought into this and thus increase the success rate. Finally, if this would help your mindset, when contacting girls, forget about getting a date at first (and definitely no asking out in the first at least 1-3 emails). Chicks are extremely weird that way. Most of them, although they're on a dating site, still expect to go through a period of casual banter until eventually they're ripe for a date. The rule here is: if you can't make her giggle, you can't ask her out. Finally, the pictures are very important. I assume you know better, but I'm saying this anyway: NO shirtless pics.
Lovelybird Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 On-line dating isn't like meet in person. They say body languages are very important for people communicate "signals". Plus eyes and moves of a person can communicate so much even when one doesn't speak a word. One look can say "I like you very much" Online dating unless you have very impressive messages they probably would be ignored. BUT there are stories that succeed, ever heard that rose story? after 3 years letter communication in war time, finally they meet, and love each other more, they loved each other first from soul. But this belongs to a legend. anyway my advise is "if it means to be, it will be", what you need maybe just right timing and right place. Keep up positive attitude
flc Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 Main thing with online dating is patience. Women get a lot of attention and if anything is off you go into the trash can. Even if things are right it may take a week or two to get a response. Key things are: 1. Make sure you have at least two pictures a good face shot and a full body shot. This will let women know what you look like and determine if they are attracted. 2. Work on your profile, tell women about yourself, what you like and what you are looking for. Don't make it too long or too short. 3. READ the women's profile you are emailing to. In the email mentioned what attracted you to her, mention something from the profile. Ask some questions about her to find out more. Generally emails that say ' Saw your picture, you're hot, let's make out" don't work.
Posco_Proudfoot Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 1. Make sure you have at least two pictures a good face shot and a full body shot. This will let women know what you look like and determine if they are attracted. I wonder how many emails girls get when they don't put up a picture it all. Seems like a crap shoot when a guy has no idea what the girl looks like.
applepie1989 Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 expect to get alot less emails back then you send and dont expect there gonna contact you first. Dont mention meeting, whole point of this online thing is to get to know the person alot better before meeting, you could say you will most likely be friends before meeting. if you act desperate in your emails that wont work, instead looks through her profile and ask lots of questions about it. Big emails are the best if there is a huge epic email for someone to read it then they can tell your interested, but make sure its not boring she has to laugh a few times. After a few emails ask for her msn and then after a few days of that get her number. if you go through that you will seem like a genuine guy. im no expert by the way, but i have had a few dates from these sites.
flc Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 I wonder how many emails girls get when they don't put up a picture it all. Seems like a crap shoot when a guy has no idea what the girl looks like. I certainly never sent an email to a women without a picture and would prefer to see a full body shot. Too many people fudge their statistics in the profile and physical attraction is very important to me. The women I am currently going out with I met online, she sent me an email and at the time she did no have any pictures posted yet. In my reply to her email I thanked her for her interest but I needed to see some photos before I would go any futher. She sent me a couple of pictures, we met and have been going out for about 6mos now. It is no crime to have specific qualifications when it comes to looks, I expect it for myself and I work very hard to stay attractive.
Posco_Proudfoot Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 I certainly never sent an email to a women without a picture and would prefer to see a full body shot. Too many people fudge their statistics in the profile and physical attraction is very important to me. The women I am currently going out with I met online, she sent me an email and at the time she did no have any pictures posted yet. In my reply to her email I thanked her for her interest but I needed to see some photos before I would go any futher. She sent me a couple of pictures, we met and have been going out for about 6mos now. It is no crime to have specific qualifications when it comes to looks, I expect it for myself and I work very hard to stay attractive. I often wonder if women think "if your too shallow to only go by looks then I don't want you" without admitting to myself that I actually do go by looks, among other things.
Benique Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 You got so good advices ,I wont add anything .
Author BCCA Posted December 16, 2008 Author Posted December 16, 2008 I appreciate all the advice. A few things: 1. I have about 5 recent pictures of me, with a shirt on and no other women in them, and they look good to me and those I asked. 2. I've litterally sent out about 35 emails and gotten one response. 3. I looked all over the net for tips about writing emails, and always read someones profile before emailing so I can personalize my email to them. 4. I'm about done, I think Im going to cancel my account. I can pay $30/month to not get responses or dates on my own. I'm sure women get a lot more emails, but I just want to meet some new people and date, not win the lotto.
flc Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 I often wonder if women think "if your too shallow to only go by looks then I don't want you" without admitting to myself that I actually do go by looks, among other things. Well, I don't go by looks alone, but of I am not physically attracted to the person not much else is going to matter and physical attraction is something you respond to quickly and a easy way to screen. I appreciate all the advice. A few things: 1. I have about 5 recent pictures of me, with a shirt on and no other women in them, and they look good to me and those I asked. 2. I've litterally sent out about 35 emails and gotten one response. 3. I looked all over the net for tips about writing emails, and always read someones profile before emailing so I can personalize my email to them. 4. I'm about done, I think Im going to cancel my account. I can pay $30/month to not get responses or dates on my own. I'm sure women get a lot more emails, but I just want to meet some new people and date, not win the lotto. Well, 1 in 35 is probably about what you can expect. I did this for about 6-8 mos and signed up on two sites. During that time I probably sent out 100 emails and probably got 10 or so back and of the 10, 7 or so progressed to dates and 2 to a relationships. But it is very hit or miss and sometimes I would send 10 emails and get no response and another time send 3 and get 2 responses. Just don't limit yourself to only online, meet people other places as well. Also don' put any pressure into it look at it as a ay to meet people and have some fun. That hlped me.
tincanman99 Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 I think the odds on online dating favors women. As other said, even average women get tons of responses. My sister did it for a while and literally got hundreds of responses in the space of a week. Way to many to go through. I have not had good experiences with it and I have used both Match and Yahoo. Lots of people are content to email forever, some are using it to stroke their egos, others are very bitter about past relationships, it all depends. I would do it again but I would not put all my eggs in one basket so to speak.
Author BCCA Posted December 16, 2008 Author Posted December 16, 2008 I think I might just skip the online scene for now. I thought that it would be a good place to meet people, but from what I'm hearing/seeing, its basically a lottery that any woman is going to respond. I have no doubt that women get a ton of mails, and I cant blame them for not responding to all of them. However, with that said, it's kind of annoying to send email after email and not even get a response. Thats like walking up to talk to someone in a bar, and having them turn around and walk away. I definitely haven't put all my eggs in this basket, but its almost like I can just assume that its pointless and stop wasting my money. As frustrating as it can be to try and find someone to date, its even worse when youre paying a monthly service and litterally getting nowhere.
bdreamer Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 There are many reasons that a person might want to go "shopping", but lets be real honest. Mano-E-mano honest. Lets review the facts very quickly: - your rebounding after a failed relationship - you want to explore online dating - you are considering paying for a service - you are wondering if you should "write" better C'mon man, surely these things point out some truth. I think your decision to lean off the online dating is a great idea, have you considered flying solo for a while? Being solo is great, as it gives you a chance to spend time with the *most* important person, which is yourself. You can redefine who you are, build yourself up through education or accomplishment. Find confidence, change your perspective, change your world view, change yourself for the better. Become smarter, work on your professional self, build self esteem, strengthen family and friendships, develop confidence through challenge. Women who look at a online ad might have reservations for any number of reasons. But if a real woman sees a dynamic, professional, friendly, well dressed go-getter then your chances are infinitely higher of attracting someone.
Author BCCA Posted December 16, 2008 Author Posted December 16, 2008 I've been flying solo for the 5 months since the split. I live alone, have a great job, college degree, work out everyday, and consider myself relatively succesful for being in my mid-twenties. I'm professionally dressed, friendly and a go-getter, but none of that alone equals anything. Here is the thing, I don't neccesarily want a girlfriend, and I dont neccesarily just want to get laid, but I would like to meet new people and be able to get a date once in a while. Is that honestly too much to ask? I hear what youre saying, but I'm honestly kind of done going home to an empty house and having nothing to do on the weekends. I DO have hobbies, I do workout, I do try and go out whenever they opportunity comes, and I do try and meet people in ALL ways (I dont just sit in front of my pc, I talk to people everywhere). To answer your question, I've been flying solo, and it sucks. I dont expect to meet my wife in the next 2 weeks, but I just dont think having a date or two every now and again is really that much to ask.
Bells Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 What about your pictures? They have the most impact when it comes to online dating. I get a message and I don't read it until I look at the pictures first. I will reject a message when I can't see their face clearly, or if they have pictures up with their arms around random women (reeks of insecurity). I find guys don't take the time to put up good pictures of themselves... and that's important to pay attention to. Pictures don't do you any good, unless you're a good looking hunk. lol. but that's a matter of opinion of course.
Author BCCA Posted December 16, 2008 Author Posted December 16, 2008 Pictures don't do you any good, unless you're a good looking hunk. lol. but that's a matter of opinion of course. I tend to agree. I really think its a crapshoot.
BobSacamento Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 I hear what your saying BCCA. It's like pulling teeth just to get a response. Like my thinking is even if I'm not entirely attracted to someone why not meet up for coffee? My thinking is maybe they could be a good friend and that could possibly lead to me setting her up with one of my friends. Or me being set up with her friends. I know a lot of my friends are single. It's like women want to keep all the men to themselves, even if they aren't interested lol.
likestolaugh Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 it's odd. I get a response 99% of the time when I send an email to a woman, and I don't have a picture posted... I attach one with my initial email, always. But that's it. I seem to get a response even when I'm not asking a question or even trying to find out anything about them (it could be just commenting on something in their profile). I don't know... perhaps just be casual and polite. Not creepy. humor helps.
BobSacamento Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 How long before you get a response? I have a few messages that have been read but not deleted. Perhaps that's a good sign I'm thinking.
Trialbyfire Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 I don't know anything about online dating but I will say that this is fantastic BCCA. You got your finality and now are ready to burst out of the chute. Wow! Take it easy and don't be in such a rush. You just have to get your single's groove back.
likestolaugh Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 How long before you get a response? I have a few messages that have been read but not deleted. Perhaps that's a good sign I'm thinking. usually the same day. Sometimes it might take a couple days. But see here's the thing: I don't usually msg those girls who have the most activity or notice from the men. Sure, I msg the good lookin ones, but you don't want to get involved with someone juggling a few hundred guy, or someone who goes out with someone new every week.
D-Lish Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 Well, don't give up right away. Yes, as a woman- 30-40 mails a day is average. I respond to perhaps one mail in 100?? All women have different things they look at. For me, it's pictures at first... it's spelling second. Me responding to a guy that says "your hot" instead of "you're hot"... is an issue. It just is. You'll find a match. Keep your account active. Why are you paying? Do plenty of fish. It's free. http://www.plentyoffish.com
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