audiojunky Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 I recently met a girl who is attractive, nice, a good person.. has her stuff together. I've been wanting something more than just dating with a person like this for a while now... I'm 30 and have been single for almost 4 years..! but the problem is that I'm just not "totally feeling it." I'm questioning if I'll ever "feel it" with anyone until I grow content with my own self. We've been on about 4-5 dates now and things have progressed beyond just kissing. There have been no "relationship defining" talks... and I'm starting to become a bit uneasy about continuing since it seems that she does want something more a little sooner than I do... and now that the holidays are quickly approaching I'm feeling pressured to let her know where I stand. The problem is that I really feel also.. regardless of not "totally feeling it" with her... that I would be making a mistake by making this decision with this pressure. I was hoping that this relationship would move a little slower in terms of whether it should move in the serious direction... but I quickly knew that it wouldn't happen when she started texting me pet names before even our 3rd or 4th date had passed. So anyways.. I'm confused about how I should approach this. Thanks
4givrnt4gtr Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 I would suggest 100% honesty on this one. Let her know you like her but you REALLY need to take it slow. IF she's ok with it then cool, if not...well at least you have the peace of mind that you were honest with her and true to yourself....
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 There should be no "defining of the relationship" after 4-5 dates. Sorry, but that's generally too soon, unless both people are just really feeling it and it happens naturally and without pressure. Pet names so soon? Another red flag. Do you think you are "not feeling it" because of the pressure or were you already feeling that way?
D-Lish Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 It always takes me a lot longer than three dates to know how I actually feel about someone. In the first month, I can often like someone but still take them or leave them if it came down to it. Who knows what might happen in a another month. Don't let the holidays scare you off from dating. I wouldn't like the pet names so much this early on... She might be getting ahead of herself a bit. Why not set the pace if you're worried about moving too quick?
movingonandon Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 Basically, if you like her enough not to see other people, just shut up and let things move along with the flow... I went through the exact same thing with the girl I'm dating right now, and my "i'm not looking for anything serious" speech served no purpose at all other than cause some awkwardness (and push sex one date away). IMHO, you can't possibly know if you can be with someone long term unless you've dated them for at least 3-6 months...
Author audiojunky Posted December 16, 2008 Author Posted December 16, 2008 There should be no "defining of the relationship" after 4-5 dates. Sorry, but that's generally too soon, unless both people are just really feeling it and it happens naturally and without pressure. Pet names so soon? Another red flag. Do you think you are "not feeling it" because of the pressure or were you already feeling that way? Quite honestly... I was very interested in what might happen with her until she started the pet name thing the morning after our 3rd or 4th date. I remember immediately thinking, "oh no...! so soon?" Even my friend's girlfriend at brunch was like, "No.. she shouldn't of done that! That is too soon." Since then I've felt kind of awkward about taking a casual approach.. but I have nonetheless. Anyways, since then I've heard about her being confused whether I like her or not from a friend of mine. In addition.. I just got emailed an invite to a Christmas party that has her name on it too from the girl who hooked us up... so I'm feeling somewhat of a little push if you know what I mean...
Capricciosa Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 I'd feel pressure too. The whole xmas thing when you're just starting to date someone is a little strange. But it is also a perfect excuse to take a little distance--family obligations and things--and slow things down that way without any big speeches or decisions. You may feel less pressure with less contact. You can set the pace if you want since you do seem to like her. And maybe just don't respond to the nicknames. She'll probably stop.
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