brenda collins Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 I met this guy at a friends party a couple of months ago. I spoke to him for a little bit and then lost him throughout the evening. AS I was going home he asked me what my full name was so he could add me on facebook. I soon got a message from him asking me out for a drink etc etc... We went out for a drink and had a really nice time,we kissed at the end of the night. Since then he was calling and texting me lots. We arranged a second date a week later. This time he came nearer to where i live and we went to this amazing bar and had a fabulous night again... he ended up staying at mine as he lives a good forty mins from me. He stayed in the spare room as I live with my parents, but was a total gentleman about it all. Two weeks then went by before we saw each other again as we were both busy with work and social events. I saw him last weekend for the third time... This time I went to his neck of the woods. Same thing, we had an amazing evening. We ended up having sex all night long. I stayed at his place. He told me I was beautiful and lovely etc etc... He also said he found me quite guarded and asked me how i felt about him. he siad most girls he had previously dated were constantly asked him where they stood with him and that I seemed so chilled out... he told me to be nice and open up how I felt. I told him I liked him etc... I left quite early in the morning as I had plans for the day. He stayed in bed and asked if I could let myself out as he was tired. From that night on, he has been very strange with me. he text me later on that day saying he had had an amzing time as usual but then I did not hear from him the whole week. I had left my necklace at his house so I sent a jokey text saying I was just checking in to make sure he had not done a runner with my necklace. He replied saying no he hadnt and asked how i was and that he wasnt free this week but was free the next. I replied jokingly saying I did not see one night stands again. He replied saying ok. if thats all it was, thank you it was amazing.. I then decided i had to stop playing games and sent hima nice text saying that it was not just a one night stand for me and i hoped it wasnt for me either. He calle dme that night, but I missed it... But he left a voicemail saying he was sorry he didnt know i hadnt been well that week and to call him back when i could and that he wanted to see me next week.. I called him bk the next day when i was free.. He was compet;ey cold on the phone to me. he said he couldnt see me this week after all, so did i want him to post my necklace to me. He then said after some brief chat I will give you a call in january when we are both back from holiday. I am not going until next wek and neither is he.. I did not know what to think... So I text him asking him why he said those things and asking him if he wanted to see me again as I felt the things he said meant he did not. He text me back saying he was moving back home that week (i forgot to mention before that he lost his job last week and has had to move back home ) and as i was going away too could not see me regardless and just wanted to know if i wanted my necklace. I then text back saying ok. wasnt trying to be clingy but just want u to know that this is not jsut a casual fling for me and i dotn want u to think im that kind of girl. I did not ear anything back. Now I am so confused? will i hear from him again? did he want just sex? Why did he persue me for a month if thats all he wanted? help!
EYECANDY000 Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 First, it doesnt seem like the only thing that he was after was sex. SEcondly, I think you should just remain friends. It seems like he has a lot that hes dealing with right now.. lost his job, moving in with parents, and also moving a way to another surrounding. Thirdly, tell him to fed ex your necklace!
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 Yeah, this sounds really strange. I can see why you are confused. At first I thought maybe he thought you were serious about the one night stand thing, but it seems as though you cleared that up. It sounds like he was interested in more than sex, so I'm not sure where things went off the rails. I do agree with he other poster about the job thing, though. He lost his job and has to move back in with his parents. That's kind of a buzzkill. My experience with guys is that they need to have their shyte together in order to feel good about themselves enough to pursue a relationship. The ones who don't have it together either just don't date or they stick with hook-ups. I think you've done all you can do. I would leave it alone. Sorry you're sad.
Author brenda collins Posted December 16, 2008 Author Posted December 16, 2008 Thanks for all your advice so far ...he is not going to be in touch again is he? Thats it.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 Probably not. Live and learn. Besides, do you want to go out with someone who is this sensitive? It seems like he is really sensitive.
LovieDove24 Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 I'm sorry but 75% of guys fade into the distance after sex so soon. Its not necessarily that they dont like you...its just that theres no mystery left to pursue anymore. We as women all have to a fine line to walk. Is it fair that "giving it up" is seen as slutty for women and not for men? Hell yes, total double standard. But I'm tellin ya...guys lose interest if you do it that fast. I promise, and this is coming from experience.
Author brenda collins Posted December 16, 2008 Author Posted December 16, 2008 I know. I never normally give it up that fast. But we have been involved over 6 weeks. Also if he just wnted sex why would he have bothered pursuing me for so long? He switched from hot and cold over a weekend. On friday he was leaving me that nice voicemail. By Sunday, he was saying he would post my necklace and be in touch in january.. It just foes not make sense
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 6 weeks is not "giving it up" too soon. Man, I hate that expression. Really, though, please do not feel bad about yourself. You've been dating for a while now. It's not like you had sex on the first date or anything. I would be pissed if I were you.
LovieDove24 Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 I am only referring to it as "giving it up" because I truly believe this is what it is. Power switches. Sex IS a big deal. I'm not saying I agree with it, but there is no denying that it almost always changes things. I truly believe men have a neandrathal brain when it comes down to sex.
Lizzie60 Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 Could be 2 things: he either just wanted sex and now that he had it..... next. or he didn't like the sex Just move on.. some guys are just looking for sex and 'great' sex that is...
Jilly Bean Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 OK, in the future, when you like a guy, DO NOT tell him that you don't date one night stands. That's why he bolted, hon. He either thought you were an easy slut who sleeps around, or were not dating material OR thought you kicked him to the curb. Easy up next time!
JoeNewbie Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 So I text him asking him why he said those things and asking him if he wanted to see me again as I felt the things he said meant he did not. He text me back saying he was moving back home that week (i forgot to mention before that he lost his job last week and has had to move back home ) and as i was going away too could not see me regardless and just wanted to know if i wanted my necklace. I then text back saying ok. wasnt trying to be clingy but just want u to know that this is not jsut a casual fling for me and i dotn want u to think im that kind of girl. I did not ear anything back. Now I am so confused? will i hear from him again? did he want just sex? Why did he persue me for a month if thats all he wanted? help! By saying "I am not clingy", you actually are (clingy). These things should never be discussed. That being said, it depends how the conversation went. This could be a minor mistake - or an important one. In contrast, if the guy really did lose his job, no wonder he doesn't feel like seeing you... Dramatic events such as losing our job can have a huge effect on our sexual drive and overall motivation.
Meet 4 Coffee Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 You did sleep with him too soon, because although you were in contact via phone/text for 6 weeks, you slept with him on only the third meeting, without being in a relationship. So I will go with the poster who stated you "gave it up" too soon and he soon lost interest. Yes, hard times like job loss can make it tough on anyone but....you slept with him too soon and he doesn't value you now as a serious prospect, just as an easy lay he can take or leave.
Author brenda collins Posted December 16, 2008 Author Posted December 16, 2008 Thanks for all your replies. I think he did know I was joking as he knows that is my personality and said from the beginning he knows he has to take me with a pinch of salt. Im so confused still.. I still havent heard from him since I sent the last text about not wanting this to be a casual fling. He kept saying how he wanted me to open up and be nice and now he seems to have run a mile... The question did I scare him off, was it to do with him losing his job or maybe he has unfinished business with someone else. He switched from hot to cold in one day, that to me is the weird part. any opinions??????????
Author brenda collins Posted December 16, 2008 Author Posted December 16, 2008 oh and also what the hell do I do now? I was starting to like this guy a lot
manugeorge Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 sheesh, talk about being self-absorbed. The guy just lost his job, cut him a break. I'm sorry but you are probably the last thing on his mind in light of that situation. You can analyze it to death, all I see is a guy who's distracted because he no longer has a job.
2sure Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 Having lost his job and having to move back in with his parents is quite a blow - especially to a man. He is feeling down, like a loser, and probably sensitive regarding his self esteem. It is possible he realizes this and just wants to focus on the move etc. until after the holidays. You have not behaved badly in anyway. Shoot him an email and just be honest. It sounds like that is his way of communicating also ( honesty). Tell him would like to see him again. On the other hand, I have known men who are all about the chase. They are always the same ones who require extra strokes like, Do you like me?? How much do you like me?? Other girls have always liked me?? Very insecure and no hanging onto them. So, could be that.
Lizzie60 Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 geeez woman.. just move on.. forget about him.. he's not interested.. period.
Kamille Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 Easy. Handle it gracefully. Tell yourself you can live without this man. Take deep breaths. Visualize yourself in a serene, understanding state of mind. Then write to him that January would be a great time to meet up. Wish him a warm and happy holiday. If you can, insert something positive about wishing him a few great job oppotunities. leave it at that. Let him go. Tell yourself you did the dignified thing. When he sorts himself out, he'll remember you two left things on a good note. He'll remember you're not drama-driven. He might call.
Lizzie60 Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 aaahhh.. Kamille, you're too good.. good advice
manugeorge Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 I don't think you should send him an email, unless you are just sending one to say "hello, sucks that you lost your job, I hope things work out". You don't want to come across as clingy.
Kamille Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 aaahhh.. Kamille, you're too good.. good advice Thanks Lizzie! I wish I could take credit but my best friend is really the one who's trained me in the ways of driving me crazy. Wanted to add BC, and this goes along the lines of what manugeorge is saying: if you write, keep the email short. DON'T explain yourself. First because you don't need to explain yourself to him and second because it will make you appear needy. Don't apologize. Keep to a positive vibes. Short. Three sentences. No more. No explanations, no questions, no nothing.
Charles1978 Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 He lost his job and has to move back in with his parents. That's kind of a buzzkill. My experience with guys is that they need to have their shyte together in order to feel good about themselves enough to pursue a relationship. The ones who don't have it together either just don't date or they stick with hook-ups. I think you've done all you can do. I would leave it alone. Sorry you're sad. Exactly. Good post.
Kamille Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 Thanks Lizzie! I wish I could take credit but my best friend is really the one who's trained me in the ways of driving me crazy. men men, I meant men. Of course I do drive myself crazy too, but fortunately, my best friend doesn't contribute to that.
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