xero Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 My ex dated a guy for 2 years, started a thing with me immediately following that lasting for 5 months. Proclaimed that she couldn't handle a relationship last time I talked to her in September. And last week I saw a message on this guy's myspace recently saying "Love you". Does that mean she's already jumping into something? WTH is wrong with her? Anybody else have any insight?
norajane Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 My insight is you should stay away from ex's MySpace, Facebook, etc., after you break up. There is no good that comes from that. What did the Love you mean? Who knows? Probably nothing. The word Love is thrown around so much that it is meaningless when it comes from people who throw it around like that. Some women use that with friends, with people they're flirting with, and with people they love. You know her better than we do.
AlektraClementine Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 People toss that around all the time. Could just be a really good friend. I agree though, that you're only tormenting yourself by checking out exes online.
Author xero Posted December 15, 2008 Author Posted December 15, 2008 Well I've stayed away for the most part but I was under the impression she was going through a "single phase" so I considered, at one point, sending her a card. I was advised not to and then soon after got curious and saw what I saw. But idk, I haven't had contact with her for 3 months so idk if I'll ever hear from her again. Unfortunately for me I have a smidge of hope that's not gone yet. As far as how often she says things like "love you" I don't remember hearing it that often when said to guys. It was kind of a big deal when she decided to start saying it to me, or at least returning it since I was already saying it. Back in September she told me she doesn't think she was in love with me but that it was merely infatuation and newness since she had just gotten out of something. So the fact that she may already be saying it to someone else considered how big of a deal it was for us...seems pretty looney and hurt me pretty bad. I guess I'm also assuming the worst because I know she was talking to this guy a lot back in September. However, when I did see his myspace it said he was single so I guess either a) they aren't that serious yet or b)there is nothing going on. I guess I shouldn't be worried about it anyway. Too bad I still am.
T-town Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 Well I've stayed away for the most part but I was under the impression she was going through a "single phase" so I considered, at one point, sending her a card. I was advised not to and then soon after got curious and saw what I saw. But idk, I haven't had contact with her for 3 months so idk if I'll ever hear from her again. Unfortunately for me I have a smidge of hope that's not gone yet. As far as how often she says things like "love you" I don't remember hearing it that often when said to guys. It was kind of a big deal when she decided to start saying it to me, or at least returning it since I was already saying it. Back in September she told me she doesn't think she was in love with me but that it was merely infatuation and newness since she had just gotten out of something. So the fact that she may already be saying it to someone else considered how big of a deal it was for us...seems pretty looney and hurt me pretty bad. I guess I'm also assuming the worst because I know she was talking to this guy a lot back in September. However, when I did see his myspace it said he was single so I guess either a) they aren't that serious yet or b)there is nothing going on. I guess I shouldn't be worried about it anyway. Too bad I still am. Seriously dude delete this girls myspace, facebook, delete her phone number etc...cut this girl completely out of your life and move on. If it is meant to be it will come back...however sitting around looking at and wondering about what a message on her myspace might mean won't do you any good. It will just prolong the healing process.
edinsvet Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 I am totally with T-town. Yes, I still have some of my Ex's as friends on Social sites. I am happy if they find love. But If you are going to get upset, You need to remove her from your friends list, delete her page, number, old SMS messages, photos everything. She is your X it didn't work. The comment is probably nothing. For all you know it is someone she doesn't know who she just randomly added to friends. But even if it is love you are seeing it all wrong. you should be happy if she eventually finds love.
Author xero Posted December 16, 2008 Author Posted December 16, 2008 Yeah, I'm trying to keep my distance now. But I found out a few months ago she was talking to this guy a lot so that's my perspective on it. The reason it burnt isn't because it didn't work for us and and should work for others..much more complicated. She told me she wasn't getting involved or having sex with anyone and wasn't interested in it...and said this feeling would last "a long time". Well we see how that turned out. She didn't even give me a chance to fix anything. She dumped me while I was gone over the summer without even working on things with me or telling me what was wrong. It was just...I don't want to be in a relationship anymore period. Mainly because she had been in one two years prior to me..and she's young..22. Eh. Crazy girls.
norajane Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 It's a useful lesson to learn that, often, when people say they don't want to be in a relationship, they really mean they don't want to be in a relationship with you. They leave off the "with you" part, so as to make the rejection a bit easier on you, or on themselves if they're cowards. But you'd save yourself a lot of trouble if you mentally add the "with you" part in there, because then you can at least just write it off as you weren't right for each other, period, and stop second-guessing why it's over.
Trialbyfire Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 xero, if she started a relationship with you immediately following a break up of her last relationship, you have to assume that she's capable of rebounding again. Someone like this transfers their affections from person to person, never realizing that they haven't dealt with the real underlying issues. Stay away from the social networking sites until you've moved on. If you keep looking, you're going to slow yourself down.
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 I don't understand why you even care. Why like somebody that wasn't that into you? Easier said than done, but it's time to move on - stay away from her page. I may sound like I'm being tough, but it's only because I can only see pain coming from this - nothing good at all. Don't do this to yourself.
Author xero Posted December 16, 2008 Author Posted December 16, 2008 Maybe I didn't make this clear enough. I'm not looking anymore. The reason I care about someone not into me is because this person lived in my room, ate with me everyday, picked me up from work daily and walked me home, slept in my twin sized bed with me, went on birth control for me...etc etc. By actions alone it seemed she was into me ya know? Anyway, my question is with trialbyfire: what are the real underlying issues with people who can transfer emotions like that?
Trialbyfire Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 Anyway, my question is with trialbyfire: what are the real underlying issues with people who can transfer emotions like that? Here are three possibilities I can think of, offhand. I'm sure there could be a lot more. 1. Co-dependents can transfer supposedly strong emotions from one person to the other. As long as the other person has the proper codependent characteristics, they'll latch onto the next person like a suckerfish. 2. Not always but most often, when relationships dissolve, there are issues on both sides of the fence. In rebounding from relationship to relationship, people never examine, fix or change their portion of the issues. 3. They are only capable of shallow emotions, therefore, don't feel much when they move from person to person, once the infatuation period dies off.
Author xero Posted December 16, 2008 Author Posted December 16, 2008 Her dad is a bad alcoholic, I wonder how that could play into her ability to open up. I'm sure it affects other things too. She still lives at home with her unfortunately for her. But I think most of the time it's not too bad, just at times. I do know that in the past it has been worse.
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