Not sure but I think I may not attracted to my husband so much anymore.

[I'mLost]

Hello. I Googled for help to my marriage question and I stumbled upon this website...I hope someone can help me.

 

I have been married for two years, no kids, and I don't seem to be physically attracted to my husband so much anymore.

 

Other aspects of the marriage are good, it's just..., he has been losing his hair for a little while now but lately it has been more noticeable. Because we are openly honest with each other I mentioned/suggested treatments. He just got mad saying it's like I'm saying "he isn't good enough". That isn't what I meant, I love my husband. I just wanted him to try, for me. I'm really not a shallow person.

 

I don't what to do or why it even bothers me so much. Can married couples lose physical attraction to each other? Can it be fixed, and if so how? Or is it just me? What is next?

 

Please help. This is driving me crazy.

[Geishawhelk]

He doesn't want to try.

"For you".

Why should he?

 

people shouldn't implement changes to please others.

Now you've given him a complex.

 

You are shallow, actually.

 

I've been with my partner for 4 years, and in that time, he's gotten a little tubbier, a little heavier.... he's a fit guy, but age catches up with anyone.

It's something he could actually do something about, quite easily.

But I wouldn't dream of asking him to try to lose a little weight, "for me".

If he's going to lose a little weight, he'll do it for him.

 

Which is a lot less costly, than doing something about your H's hair loss.

Incidentally, short of implants, nothing actually, really works.

[imagine]

 

Other aspects of the marriage are good, it's just..., he has been losing his hair for a little while now but lately it has been more noticeable. Because we are openly honest with each other I mentioned/suggested treatments. He just got mad saying it's like I'm saying "he isn't good enough". That isn't what I meant, I love my husband. I just wanted him to try, for me. I'm really not a shallow person.

 

Honesty is GOOD.

 

Rephrasing your circumstances:

An attractive spouse is prominent Emotional Need for you. Spouses NEED to be able to express their desires in a comfortable environment. He, likewise, should be able to express strong feelings that he may have on the matter.

 

This is an opportunity to share something deeper of yourselves. For example, do you want him to be cosmetically attractive for your own pleasure or are you embarrassed by his appearance in company.

 

Go on deep thinker, think.

[Dexter Morgan]

Hello. I Googled for help to my marriage question and I stumbled upon this website...I hope someone can help me.

 

I have been married for two years, no kids, and I don't seem to be physically attracted to my husband so much anymore.

 

Other aspects of the marriage are good, it's just..., he has been losing his hair for a little while now but lately it has been more noticeable.

 

 

Well gee, that settles it. Just get a divorce. Bald guys don't deserve to keep their wives.

 

Or he can go out and get a transplant and become an adonis again, then look for a better woman.

 

 

Because we are openly honest with each other I mentioned/suggested treatments. He just got mad saying it's like I'm saying "he isn't good enough". That isn't what I meant, I love my husband.

 

Uh, if you aren't attracted to him because he is losing his hair, then you are EXACTLY telling him that he isn't good enough. And if you love your husband, his losing his hair wouldn't matter. Otherwise, you do not love him.

 

Better you go out and find someone with a full head of hair.

[quankanne]

I don't what to do or why it even bothers me so much. Can married couples lose physical attraction to each other? Can it be fixed, and if so how? Or is it just me? What is next?

 

I'm guessing it bothers you because it's happening LONG before you had ever expected it to! And that's a normal response, because even couples in a healthy relationship go through stages where they're not attracted (or attractive!) to each other, where they want to rip each other's hair out by the roots because their spouse just pisses them off so badly ... or they're so disappointed by bad/negative/unexpected behavior that they question the whole reason why they're with this person.

 

instead of looking at those things that make you feel less attracted to him, think about what it was that initially caught your eye ... and held it ... when you were getting to know him. And focus on that, not whatever physical changes or stupid shxt he does. Believe me, doing this will go a LONG way toward helping you keep your marriage and the things that affect it in a healthy perspective.

 

hugs,

quank,

who has yet to really and truly kill Mr. Q

after almost 17 years of wedded bliss

[burning 4 revenge]

Well a guy does have to accept hes not so attractive anymore once hes significantly bald. If its important to his wife and shes important to him and they can afford it then he should maybe get a transplant. She has to contribute financially to it as well as that would only be fair

 

Otherwise I think their marriage is over

[wildflowerchild98]

Well a guy does have to accept hes not so attractive anymore once hes significantly bald. If its important to his wife and shes important to him and they can afford it then he should maybe get a transplant. She has to contribute financially to it as well as that would only be fair

 

Otherwise I think their marriage is over

 

Excuse me! but what is this???? there marriage is over if they can't afford for him to get a transplant???? And both parties SHOULD contribute to it financially well that is showing equality in the relationship isn't it?? ok thanks for your comment! I am sure all advice is appreciated.

 

I think that if a person really truly loves someone that as a person ages they get more beautiful to the other person and the baldness or such would not matter! True love tends to love completely and is unconditional I am not sure how old your husband is? But baldness is common in men sometimes even men in their 20's can experience baldness. You really should not ask him to change for you as that would make him feel inadequate I think and as someone mentioned cause him to have a complex If you REALLY love your husband you will be able to overlook this I hope this helps!~Chrissy

[BentSpine]

Love has two ingredients: Strong Caring and Sexual Attraction. If something causes you to not being sexually attracted to your partner anymore, you stop being lovers.

 

In this situation, you discovered that baldness turns you off. Since there isn't much your partner can do about it, he feels very threatened, understandably so.

However, our sexual attraction isn't under our conscious control. We cannot choose to become attracted to someone. And no, it's not true that if you really loved him your juices would flow like Niagara Falls, regardless of his appearance.

 

It's very sad, but if you cannot find your attraction again, you will probably both have to find other people to love and get love.

[restlesssoul]

I can understand - and I think you were very brave for being honest with him instead of trying to hide your feelings. Sad thing is, he was obviously very hurt by this. Imagine for a moment if you had just gained a massive amount of weight due to circumstances beyond your control (ie: medication for a condition that causes weight gain). Imagine your husband coming to you and telling you he is turned off by your appearance and perhaps you should lose some weight. Wouldn't that make you feel terrible and hurt? By someone who is supposed to love you?

 

Anyways, that being said, personally I think "total" baldness can be very sexy, as opposed to the attempts to hide the problem. Has he considered shaving whats left of his hair off completely? Instead of trying to fix the thinning, maybe its time to just let it all go.

[LovieDove24]

I agree with Bentspine to a certain degree about sexual attraction being a main factor in romantic relationships.

 

Where I disagree is that you don't have control over it and you should look for other partners.

 

I've always believed that if we want the perfect mate, we have to become one. I'm sure there are certain things about your appearance that you have let slide as well. And although going bald is not something he can control there are certainly other things that ARE in his power (and without having surgery at that!) Start leading by example and if your efforts are honest and pure in nature he is sure to follow suit. But unless you offer to fork over the cash for a hair transplant expect it to be more subtle changes like the way he dresses, works out, carries himself, etc.

[tomswife]

Buy him a wig or a cute hat that he can cover his head all the time so that you don't have to look at his head. :bunny:

[LavendarGirl]

Thinning hair seems like such a minor issue. Are you sure that's what's really bugging you? Maybe your libido is waning, and you're looking for something, anything, that's changed with him physically, and the baldness is the first thing that comes to mind?

 

Maybe what you need is to revive the passion in general. Are you guys still having romantic nights out? Time together? Putting each other first and foremost? Is the day to day routine getting to you? Make an effort to go for the passion. Whatever might work for you. A romantic dinner out (try a dimly lit place where the hairline isn't so prominent). Sharing with him an erotic fantasy and play it out. Something.

[sb129]

My fiance has had thinning hair since we got together. He shaves it all off, and I think guys with really really short hair are HOT.

 

Surely you must have known when you got together that he would end up with this problem?

 

What about his other redeeming qualities? THe ones that attracted you to him in the first place? You can't have married him just because he had a full head of hair, there must have been other things that you found attractive.

 

Or are those things diminuishing too?

[SierraRose]

marriage = unconditional love....

He's loosing his hair, so what

Not-for-nothing, but personally, I think shaved heads are hot...

[moonmosaic]

marriage = unconditional love....

He's loosing his hair, so what

Not-for-nothing, but personally, I think shaved heads are hot...

 

I thought unconditional love is something you have for your children, i.e. when they do horrible things in life and we still find the heart to love them.

 

Both partners need to try to overcome this problem; him showing a desire to do something about it and you showing support by standing by him if nothing works.

[annieo]

If you get married, and you actually mean to stay with this person for life, you have to EXPECT that they are going to change physically. Wrinkles, grey hair, a little extra weight, baldness, sagging happen eventually, to us all. If that is grounds for a total loss of attraction, we're either doomed to sexless marriages or divorce.

And I concur with some of the previous posts - bald guys (or guys with thinning hair cropped short) can be exceedingly hot. Jason Stratham, for example. However, the none on top long on the sides look isn't the greatest (for me - I'm sure other women might disagree).

[Nikki Sahagin]

Uh some people here are acting like losing your attraction to your partner is CRAZY. Well actually it ISN'T shallow. And actually you DO have a responsibility to maintain your physical appearance. Baldness is something that can't really be helped - a bit like wrinkles. There are some things you can't change but to say that it's shallow to find something unattractive. Physical appearances ARE important to relationships. There might be a lot more important things but your partner is the person you have to kiss, have to have sex with etc for the rest of your life - so do they have a duty to keep you interested? YES!

[atwitsend]

You need to read some of the posts of the women who felt the same way about their husbands. Went out screwed some guy. He finds out and divorces her ass. A LOT OF THOSE WOMEN WOULD SHAVE THEIR HEADS TO HAVE THE MAN THEY LOVED FORGIVE THEM AND TAKE THEM BACK.

 

I wonder if he looks at you the same. Maybe he doesn't think you look as good as when he married you. But he doesn't say anything because he loves you and his love isn't based on what happens to your looks.

 

Hey, you know what I think. I think you can't make it for the long haul. I'll bet you are already checking out other guys. It's just a matter of time. If you have any love for him left at all. Tell him before you cheat and let him find someone worthier then you.

[brothelmaiden]

Excuse me! but what is this???? there marriage is over if they can't afford for him to get a transplant???? And both parties SHOULD contribute to it financially well that is showing equality in the relationship isn't it?? ok thanks for your comment! I am sure all advice is appreciated.

 

I think that if a person really truly loves someone that as a person ages they get more beautiful to the other person and the baldness or such would not matter! True love tends to love completely and is unconditional I am not sure how old your husband is? But baldness is common in men sometimes even men in their 20's can experience baldness. You really should not ask him to change for you as that would make him feel inadequate I think and as someone mentioned cause him to have a complex If you REALLY love your husband you will be able to overlook this I hope this helps!~Chrissy

 

Oh really? As if sagging and aging tits as well as a woman's loss of hair doesn't matter to the husband.. yeah right. Men are just as shallow which is why they demand porn, strip clubs, and stare at under-aged girls! LOL!

 

Everyone on these boards acts like it is so wrong for a woman to lose attraction towards her husband when it is something she cannot help! Men do it all the time and trade in for younger wives!