Who should pay?

[Left in a Lurch]

I bet you don't date much do you? :laugh:Ewwww...that's as declasse as our woman in question. Yuch!

 

I remember dating a guy like this once. I dropped him like a hot potato. A cheap and classless guy is no better than a cheap and classless woman.

 

Well lucky him. You as much as admitted you are a cheap woman, expecting him to pay. What did you bring to the table to compensate for not having to pay for anything? Are you so special that men need to throw their money around to lavish you with gifts and prove their worth to you?

The day I have to pay for everything to impress a woman is the day I walk the other way.

If "class" means "pay for everything" to you, then you are a gold digger.

I have yet to meet the woman that is so much better than me, that I have to pay for everything to be viewed as classy in her eyes.

Of course your picture probably says a lot.

[2sure]

IWWH -

 

LOL. You always get it! And here I thought it was just me.

[Left in a Lurch]

If I invite a girlfriend out, even two, and it's my plan, my idea, I PAY! If H and I invite another couple out to a restaurant of our choosing. WE PAY! I don't understand the problem. Whomever invites the other out, PAYS. I certainly would never invite someone out and not expect to pay. NOR do I invite people over to my home and ask them to bring something. THAT is classless.

 

Well part of the problem is until things become a serious relationship (multiple dates) the guy pretty much always has to ask the girl out so the burden will always be on the guy.

I bring a lot to the table. I am loaded, I spend my money wisely on people I care about, but I will not try to impress a woman by paying for everything after the first couple of dates. I don't need someone that needs me for my money.

Why should a guy be on the hook for $1000s in dinners and dates?

[Touche]

Well lucky him.

 

Actually, yes. He IS lucky...as am I.

 

You as much as admitted you are a cheap woman, expecting him to pay.

 

Nope. Not at all. Show me that. Show me where I ever said I expected him to pay. I offered all the time. My man was too classy to ever let me pay in the beginning. After awhile I absolutely insisted and also came over to his house and made him dinner.

 

What did you bring to the table to compensate for not having to pay for anything? Are you so special that men need to throw their money around to lavish you with gifts and prove their worth to you?

 

Actually, I am quite special. He had the enjoyment of my company. I guess he thought I was worth it. You have NO idea what you're talking about me when you're trying to attack me here.

 

I have written about this before on here. I actually gave my H money to pay for taxes when we were only together for a few months. I also helped him pay off school loans. We're equal partners, dear. Sometimes he gives more and sometimes I do.

 

He proved himself to be a gentleman worthy of my company. So I gave back in spades...oh yes I did and 14 years later, I still do. As does he.

 

 

The day I have to pay for everything to impress a woman is the day I walk the other way.

 

Keep walking honey! My man didn't "pay for everything" to impress me. He did it, at the beginning (before I really put my foot down,) because he was a gentleman (look that word up sometime, why don't cha?)

 

 

If "class" means "pay for everything" to you, then you are a gold digger.

 

See above dear. I'm no golddigger. If I were I would have never married my husband who was in debt when I met him. I had more money than he did.

 

The person who asks the other out, as has been pointed out, pays. He asked me out for the first few weeks and he paid and wouldn't let me.

 

After that, I started calling him to invite him here and there and I paid. Yeah, Im a golddigger!

 

 

I have yet to meet the woman that is so much better than me, that I have to pay for everything to be viewed as classy in her eyes.

Of course your picture probably says a lot.

 

My picture? What picture? The cruise my wonderful husband just took me on?

 

Yeah, honey we BOTH earned that. We work very hard and recently took a cruise. What of it?

 

Yeah, yeah I know all women are ho's and golddigers, right?

 

You do know that no decent women is ever going to be interested in a man with your attitude, right?

 

I'm not trying to be mean but come on. What smart and attractive women would be attracted to you with that horrendous attitude of yours?

 

Be real.

[Left in a Lurch]

"Nope. Not at all. Show me that. Show me where I ever said I expected him to pay. I offered all the time. My man was too classy to ever let me pay in the beginning. After awhile I absolutely insisted and also came over to his house and made him dinner. "

 

You said I was cheap and classless for expecting a woman to pay something after the first date.

I guess you know as much about me as I do about you.

You keep associating class and being a gentlemen with paying, and claim you were so special the guy couldn't wait to pay for you.

Look up the term, "Lady".

Hate to tell you, you're not special just because you tell everyone you are. In fact, it's pretty clear you're just like every other wallet sniffer out there. You've made that abundantly clear.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Why should a guy be on the hook for $1000s in dinners and dates?

 

The same reason he should pay $1000's for a high end car or the bests of neighborhoods, restaurants, haberdashers, ect... because he wants to buy the best. Forgive me, but I know plenty of wealthy men, they don't skimp on anything that's important to them.

 

Granted I'm from the south, but whomever invites, pays. PERIOD. That's common etiquette. Would you expect to pay for something someone else invited you to???? Seriously, that eliviates all of the guess work. No decent man or woman invites a guest or guests, that she/he doesn't expect to treat as a guest.

[Touche]

Why should a guy be on the hook for $1000s in dinners and dates?

 

The same reason he should pay $1000's for a high end car or the bests of neighborhoods, restaurants, haberdashers, ect... because he wants to buy the best. Forgive me, but I know plenty of wealthy men, they don't skimp on anything that's important to them.

 

Granted I'm from the south, but whomever invites, pays. PERIOD. That's common etiquette. Would you expect to pay for something someone else invited you to???? Seriously, that eliviates all of the guess work. No decent man or woman invites a guest or guests, that she/he doesn't expect to treat as a guest.

 

Again, EXACTLY!

 

What don't some people get about this?

 

HE asked ME out. So HE paid. Got it Chat? I already told you that after awhile I wouldn't let him every time.

 

You may not think I'm a "lady" and you may think I'm a "wallet sniffer" but my man knows that I'm not. "Wallet sniffers" don't pay their boyfriends tax bills honey.

 

And that's why he got someone like me and you probably never will unless you change your very poor attitude.

 

Hey listen, I'm sure what you're doing is working for you though right? So what's the problem? Just keep doing it.

 

I can predict with 100% certainty what kind of woman you will end up with (if one at all) if you continue with that classless attitude.

 

Horses, you can't teach people class. They either were raised with it or they weren't.

 

Clearly some here were not raised that way.

[Gremio]

I need a little advice. I have been out of the dating scene for a while. I recently started dating a woman about 60 days ago. It appears that she takes default position that I should pay 100% - 100% of the time. She asked me if I wanted meet up with some of her family for new years at a cost of $150.00 and said - "is that ok? Can you handle that?" I said sure. She the told me yesterday that her brother is getting a room at a hotel and asked me what I thought about that idea - she mentioned a room would cost approx $250.00 and made no hint that she would pay for it. While I can afford it, I will not get the room because I think since she suggested it, she should pay for it and not put the burden on me. While I normally don’t mind paying for dates in the beginning, I think once a "relationship" is established - the cost of dating should be a shared jointly. She makes good money, has plenty of money in the bank, I am divorced with 2 kids that I support. There are plenty of other things she can but on my shoulders i.e...Calling her regularly, opening doors, putting my sport coat over the puddle she is about to walk through, etc - why must money be so important? Perhaps I need to have a sit down with here and have her explain her financial expectations. What if we decide to take a little vacation – am I expected to buy airfare – hotel, etc?

 

I was with a woman like this for two years. Her family was a wealthy man, her mother a housewife. Now she had an associates degree and a good paying job, so well that she actually made more than I did. Based on her upbringing though, she expected me to pay as your girlfriend does. She was never abled to understand reason nor logic.

 

I would subtly hint at it. Bringing it up directly (the way I prefer it) usually backfires with women. They become too emotional and can turn any situation into a negative one. If she doesn't show that she can communicate and work on the relationship with you now, it will never work in the long term.

[SoulSearch_CO]

She kinda sounds like a spoiled brat to me. When the dating is new between a man and woman, I think it's natural for the man to AT LEAST offer to pay if not INSIST on paying. But when it starts getting more serious (especially a trip SHE planned to go see HER family), it's time for the woman to pitch in. I'm embarrassed for her and I don't even know her. Poor manners.

[Vertex]

In general, it's a good idea to be prepared to foot the bill if you're the one doing the inviting. This has been said multiple times so far in this thread, and I think it's a reasonable thing to assume. It's tacky to take someone out to dinner and then sit back and let them do the heavy lifting.

 

I had a girlfriend who was from a wealthy family -- the kind where she essentially got a few thousand per month, free of charge, whereas I had to work for my own money to put myself through a very expensive college, all expenses included. Regardless, she EXPECTED that I pay for everything we did together, even if it was something she invited me to. We fought endlessly on this issue. Even when I was extremely low on money and struggling hard with physical illness, school stress, financial worries, and even food worries, all my girlfriend could do was complain that I didn't have enough money to take her out anywhere. She didn't care one bit that I was having an extremely hard time.

 

However, long story short: This kind of attitude can spill over into more facets of their personality other than how they treat money. In large part, I see it tied to the way in which one empathizes with others. Now that I am no longer with this girl, I find that I have a lot more money and a much happier day-to-day life. People who feel entitled to everything are simply too much.

 

Going to work and earning money is a large part of many people's lives. It represents the fruit of our efforts and the compensation for our time. For someone to be willing to impose -- to EXPECT -- that they are somehow entitled to our efforts is extremely rude, in my eyes. To me, it says "I don't care that you spent time and effort earning that money -- it belongs to me."

 

There is a huge difference between appreciating being paid for versus EXPECTING to be paid for.

 

At the very least, she has told you the costs up-front. It's better than accepting the trip, expecting a reasonable outcome of having her help fend for costs, and then being hit with a huge tab at the end of it. The real red flag, in my eyes, would if turning this invitation down would result in a lot of resistance on her part. If she's willing to insist that you take on that liability, especially so early in the relationship, I'd move on.

 

To answer your original question, though, I think it's very normal for people to share expenses in a relationship. A lot of people like to either get separate checks or just split things down the middle, or alternate paying for the entire meal each time. I think every relationship has their own ways of dealing with it all. I basically forced my ex-girlfriend to accept "sharing costs" together, although it made her irate because she felt as if I should be the one paying for everything at all times, even if something was her idea. If this girl you're referring to has a problem with sharing costs, consider it a major red flag, man.

[Left in a Lurch]

Again, EXACTLY!

 

What don't some people get about this?

 

HE asked ME out. So HE paid. Got it Chat? I already told you that after awhile I wouldn't let him every time.

 

You may not think I'm a "lady" and you may think I'm a "wallet sniffer" but my man knows that I'm not. "Wallet sniffers" don't pay their boyfriends tax bills honey.

 

And that's why he got someone like me and you probably never will unless you change your very poor attitude.

 

Hey listen, I'm sure what you're doing is working for you though right? So what's the problem? Just keep doing it.

 

I can predict with 100% certainty what kind of woman you will end up with (if one at all) if you continue with that classless attitude.

 

Horses, you can't teach people class. They either were raised with it or they weren't.

 

Clearly some here were not raised that way.

 

You're funny. My point was after the first date, women should pay. You called me classless and now you keep saying how you offered to pay after the first date so you disagreed with me, then changed your story.

I don't need to buy the most expensive car, never have. That's what losers with tiny wangs do to compensate for not being able to get women. Also, most people that flaunt money are up to their ass in debt and like to appear like they have it which, like you, is pretty fake.

In my life I have dated seriously 2 professional actresses, an engineer, a company VP, and a dental hygenist. Is that the type of person you are saying I will end up with? What's wrong with that?

I know 100% for sure what type of hen-pecked, middle of the road, husband you must be married to. Ha. Got it Tushie?

I am not surprised you had to pay your man's tax bill. He wasted all his money trying to make you think he was classy and couldn't pay his debt to the country. In my opinion there is no bigger loser than a man that cannot pay his own bills, talk about CLASSLESS. How embarrassing for you and him.