prettybaby Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 Alright guys, answer this: do you follow the 3 day rule as far as calling a girl after a first date goes? I've read some very mixed reactions on here. Do you call right at 3 days? And if so, do you already make plans for a second date then? Or do you just wait however long until you have a second date idea in mind and only call then to ask her out again? If you've never heard of the 3 day rule, also feel free to say so.
movingonandon Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 Alright guys, answer this: do you follow the 3 day rule as far as calling a girl after a first date goes? I've read some very mixed reactions on here. Do you call right at 3 days? And if so, do you already make plans for a second date then? Or do you just wait however long until you have a second date idea in mind and only call then to ask her out again? If you've never heard of the 3 day rule, also feel free to say so. My views: No, no, and no and no to the ridiculous 3 day rule. I email the very next day, just a one-two liner to say I had a good time, she's lotsa fun, hope we'll do it again, blah, blah (sometimes, the girl beats me to it, which is always a nice surprise, though doesn't mean much). Then, give it a pause of a couple of days (perhaps 2-3), and then call with plans for second date. In this case it is no longer a "waiting game", just a natural acknowledgement of the fact that everybody has jobs and lives, so it makes no sense to latch onto getting a 2nd date a day after the 1st one. Ideally, the 2nd date happens about a week up to 10 days after the 1st one. If there are any "rules" that I think make sense for me are: - Definitely no kiss (on the lips) on a first date - Definitely no plans for 2nd date during the 1st date. - After a 1st date, only call with actual plan for 2nd date. i.e no calling to just chatty banter until at least 2-3 dates later (and ideally never! phone sucks and I'm sure it's invented by a woman) that,s pretty much it. But the 3 day rule is whack . The same applies if we're not talking about a date, but getting the number. I'd call the very next day after getting the number, or maybe a day later, depending on when in the week thigs happen etc.
IrishCarBomb Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 I have no set time to call. Makes me wonder though, if I happened to call at 3 days, would she assume I'm using some rule?
flc Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 No rules just go with the flow, usually call the next day if the date went well. Almost always will suggest the second date if it went well.
Left in a Lurch Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 It really doesn't matter. If you call the day after one woman will think you are too desperate. If you call 3 days after, another woman will say you are not into her. If you call after 2 days, they both will have some problem with it. I just call when I feel like I have something to say and when I have an idea of when I might be free and what might be a good, non-boring thing to do. Typically I will call once and leave a message no later than the third day and then I will call back the next day because 90% of the time women won't return the call/message that day (even though they have a part-time job or no job and I work 14 hours a day M-Sa, THEY are too busy to find 3 minutes to return a call).
Star Gazer Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 I have no set time to call. Makes me wonder though, if I happened to call at 3 days, would she assume I'm using some rule? I would.
edinsvet Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 Check the local rulebook! I live in a country where there is no 3 day rule it simply doesn't exist in this land It is unheard of, and absurd People call right away if they are interested. Sometimes 15 minutes after. I offended a bunch of girls before one of my american friends let me in that there was no 3 day rule.
alphamale Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 Alright guys, answer this: do you follow the 3 day rule as far as calling a girl after a first date goes? no, i follow the "alphamale rule" of calling after a first date. basically it goes like this: at the end of the date if I think we clicked i will tell her exactly when i'm going to call her and then i follow thru. i may tell her i'll call her next weekend or i may tell her i'll call her middle of next week, or i may tell her i'll call tomorrow, whatever...
2sure Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 Not a guy but as a former serial dater and as a woman of a certain age...I feel confident and qualified to answer... If a man is interested he calls within 24 hours. Just like us, they can't help it. He may even call on his way home. Either that or exactly what alphamale says...if a man tells you exactly when he is going to call and then does it...he is a great guy, I love that. If a man were to tell me on Saturday, I will call you on Tues...that is what I prefer. lol. Better: He tells you he will call you next week, and then cannot resist calling you on his way home. Rest assured or stop waiting...if he hasnt called in a day or two, he is just not...well, you know.
BlueHarvest Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 3 Rules for setting up the first date. 1)Text 10 minutes after leaving/getting her number "Thanks for giving me your number. <insert witty joke here>" 2)Be spontaneous. Call her up the next day and say something like you were thinking about doing something and you wanted her to join you. The idea behind this is that you thought of her when you wanted to do something. If she says yes ...great there is your date. If she says no say 'well, what day is good for you?' 3)On the day of your date do not set up plans for a second date. If it didn't go well you will pressure her by doing so.
Trialbyfire Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 The more I read on this site, the more I think there's a generational difference because I've never dated a guy who's played it cool using the silly rules. I'm 33 years old and usually date men who are late thirties to early forties. They usually ask for a follow up date the night of the first date. I don't know what twenty-somethings do.
Lizzie60 Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 these rules are dumb... (grade school rules ) If you really enjoy the company then the next day, you (male or female) text or call to say 'thanks'... then you go from there..
melodymatters Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 The more I read on this site, the more I think there's a generational difference because I've never dated a guy who's played it cool using the silly rules. I'm 33 years old and usually date men who are late thirties to early forties. They usually ask for a follow up date the night of the first date. I don't know what twenty-somethings do. Word ! It's funny sometimes, and I even live with teens ; i'll be like " what's the Myspace generations take on this ?" That was the main point that struck me in movings post, the 'never ask for a 2nd date on the first'. Thats almost obligatory in my book. It makes sense and keeps the lines of communication open and flowing. Alpha's tip works well too. Anything less, and .....don't bother
2sure Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 I think OP is not so much asking about the "rules" as much as she is asking how long she is to be expected to sit by the phone holding her breath. Not that there is anything wrong with that.
alphamale Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 If you really enjoy the company then the next day, you (male or female) text or call to say 'thanks'... .. why would one need to call if they are laying right next to you?
Trialbyfire Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 Word ! It's funny sometimes, and I even live with teens ; i'll be like " what's the Myspace generations take on this ?" That was the main point that struck me in movings post, the 'never ask for a 2nd date on the first'. Thats almost obligatory in my book. It makes sense and keeps the lines of communication open and flowing. Alpha's tip works well too. Anything less, and .....don't bother I would honestly interpret the not asking on the first date to being disinterested. IF the interest level wasn't high enough or if I felt he was gaming me, then latah! Once again, probably a generational difference. When I used to have a myspace account years ago, there would be these silly dating rules circulating. My friends and I used to laugh at them since none of us ever used or experienced them. I'm getting old.
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 LOL...I've never even heard of the 3-day rule. How stupid.
BlueEyedGirl Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 When I first started dating, I used to think that if a guy is not calling he is either shy or playing games and doesn't want to appear depsarate. In almost all (actually make that ALL) cases it was because the guy wasn't interested in me. This is also true later on in the dating process/relationship. When contact slows down it is the sign that things aren't going that well. I have never encountered anyone that has used any rules on me. Humans can't resist doing what they instinctively want to do. It's as simple as that.
Vertex Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 I've heard of the "rule," but always thought it to be a bit silly. There are far better indicators of "desperation" that extend beyond simply calling someone shortly after a first date. Also, I agree with BlueEyedGirl here -- if someone calls back quickly, I basically see that as a good sign that someone's interested. If someone takes a long time to get back to me, then I usually interpret it as a sign of disinterest.
Author prettybaby Posted December 16, 2008 Author Posted December 16, 2008 I think OP is not so much asking about the "rules" as much as she is asking how long she is to be expected to sit by the phone holding her breath. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Honestly, not really. The 3 day topic was brought up in another thread and it made me wonder what people really think about it. In my personal case, I wasn't planning to worry about it lol
BlueHarvest Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 Personally I don't like any of the mind-games associated with dating. Be them present "rules" or past "rules". They all suck because they are all wrought with deception and force you to do things that you normally wouldn't do otherwise. On another note....I notice how people call some of rules "grade school rules" and while I realize that most of the people here are probably in their late 30's...you have to realize dating is not going to stay the same. The rules your parents lived by for dating you scoffed...just as surely as the rules you live by will be scoffed at by your kids. Dating methods change...and to think that they won't is naive.
MadBambi Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 The 3 day rule is silly! When I would meet a guy and give him my number i'd tell him just then - "I know about that 3 day rule thing but don't waste your time with that, just call when you think of me" Which actually worked - they usually would call later or the next day. That was back in my pimpin days - i was surprised tho - it still works! I tried it out over the weekend (since i'm back on the prowl now ) and BAM! dude called the next day in the afternoon! Hahaha...i was like "yup, i still got it"
berrieh Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 Not a guy, but FWIW I've never dated a man who followed this 'rule' that I know of; guys are either very clear when they're going to call/see you again, they call fairly quickly, or they don't call much at all. If a guy did not plan another date with me on or tell me whe he was going to follow up with me and then didn't call me for 3 days (unless the date was like on Dec 23, and he called me on the 26th, or some other holiday time), I would assume he was not interested...based on every dating situation I've ever been in. And I'm of the "Myspace" generation or close enough. 24 y/o. I've never dated guys who worried about "when to call." If they don't call within 24 hours - and they didn't already set up plans - I can be 90% sure they aren't going to call.
CommitmentPhobe Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 well just recently a girl and i exchanged numbers and i lost it and she called me after four days, so maybe there's a four day rule too.
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