pollywolly Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 ...please try not to be too brutal on me this morning... So, you can read my other post about our break up to get up to speed. We haven't talked yet, not too much; a couple of brief chats online. He still maintains he loved/loves me and all that. But is confused and not ready for a relationship. I think I understand now though. I think he doesn't want anything "real". He was hurt very badly by his divorce two years ago and THOUGHT that he and his wife were very much in love when she cheated on him and subsequently left him for that man. I think that, although he does care for me very much he is just refusing to allow himself those feelings. I don't totally understand why except for the fear of being hurt again. Thoughts? And remember, please be gentle...
DSM-IV Tom Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 In any case, I do not believe this guy deserves you. Because you are ready to commit, whereas he clearly is not. This is clear as night and day. What your ex needs to do is heavy self analysis. And potentially seek professional help in order to find out how to correct himself/trust issues (you said he's afraid of being hurt due to a divorce). It's important to understand this is a weight on his shoulders and you do not have the strength to lift it. He has to fight his own battles to win. Then and only then can he move on to you. (Or anything).
Author pollywolly Posted December 15, 2008 Author Posted December 15, 2008 You're right...I've never thought about it that way. It being a weight on his shoulders that I can't lift. He did say (to our friend) that he didn't want to ruin a relationship with his issues (too late) and that he wanted to be able to bring his "A game" to the table. I guess now what I am wrestling with is whether or not we can continue light contact and, one day, even lunch or something as friends. I suspect I already know the answer though...
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