RogueAC Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 I am interested in your thoughts about the “intermediate” healing/grieving process. I feel stuck somewhere between the initial breakup and complete acceptance.
Geishawhelk Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 Well, you're further along than you were, put it that way. It's different for everyone: The three stages are an unquantifiable length of time. But the first stage always seems to be the hardest one to get through, no matter what the length.
Author RogueAC Posted December 15, 2008 Author Posted December 15, 2008 Thanks for the thought GW. Lately I feel like if the instructions are wash, rinse, repeat; and I am stuck on rinse. I feel a general sense of melancholy and like I am just going through the motions. Today is exactly 4 months from break up day. I am doing far better than in Aug and Sept but I am still going through so much. I thought (hoped) that I would be a lot better by now… I got back to functioning okay enough after my break up but now I feel stuck somewhere between 4-6. I want to get "unstuck" and keep the healing process going.
BikerBeagle Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 Sounds like you are in the depression stage. Google "overcoming reactive depression" and start reading. Make sure you focus on "reactive depression" and not "chronic depression" ..."reactive depression" is caused by an event (death, breakup, significant loss) ..."chronic depression" is a mental disorder.
Author RogueAC Posted December 18, 2008 Author Posted December 18, 2008 Thanks for your thoughts BikerBeagle. Reactive Depression is possible but IMO, what I am feeling is related more to general stress. It has been a very difficult and stressful December and when I am hit with so many different things at once, my ability to cope with this stupid break up starts to suffer. I also fixate on the break up. A very close family member has been in the intensive care unit at the hospital since December 1st. I am starting to wonder if she will recover at all. I am totally scared that she might not… I can’t even say it. It is awful. Then yesterday morning a close friend went into the hospital with some complications with her pregnancy. They may deliver today. I don’t know enough about babies but she is several weeks early. Add in my birthday in a few days and the holidays, and I'm a near mess.
BikerBeagle Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 Stress can be a symptom of depression (you feel unable to deal with what life is throwing at you) ...or depression can be a symptom of stress (life is throwing more at you than your emotional state can handle). You say potato, I say potatoe.
Author RogueAC Posted December 18, 2008 Author Posted December 18, 2008 Stress can be a symptom of depression (you feel unable to deal with what life is throwing at you) ...or depression can be a symptom of stress (life is throwing more at you than your emotional state can handle). You say potato, I say potatoe. I'll give it some definite thought. I just need extra support today.
Surfer Dude Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 Thanks for your thoughts BikerBeagle. Reactive Depression is possible but IMO, what I am feeling is related more to general stress. It has been a very difficult and stressful December and when I am hit with so many different things at once, my ability to cope with this stupid break up starts to suffer. I also fixate on the break up. A very close family member has been in the intensive care unit at the hospital since December 1st. I am starting to wonder if she will recover at all. I am totally scared that she might not… I can’t even say it. It is awful. Then yesterday morning a close friend went into the hospital with some complications with her pregnancy. They may deliver today. I don’t know enough about babies but she is several weeks early. Add in my birthday in a few days and the holidays, and I'm a near mess. Same thing used to happen to me, any stressful or unwelcoming event that would normally be just an annoyance, was greatly amplified by my breakup. We become depressed, our attention spans become shorter, we become pissed off much easier etc... It seems like your whole life is collapsing when a few of those stressful events take place in a row. But rest assured, if you do self work and if you are commited to getting better, you will get better. Any healthy individual will grieve for a few months and then overcome it. If it becomes chronic, then it's a symptom of some deeper issues, but I don't think this is the case with you.
Author RogueAC Posted December 18, 2008 Author Posted December 18, 2008 Same thing used to happen to me, any stressful or unwelcoming event that would normally be just an annoyance, was greatly amplified by my breakup. We become depressed, our attention spans become shorter, we become pissed off much easier etc... It seems like your whole life is collapsing when a few of those stressful events take place in a row. Glad to hear that this happens to other people. The past few days have been so challenging. I do have friends and family that I can lean on when times get rough like this but I miss just being held and having someone to hold on to. I miss the moral support that a positive r provides.
sultry33 Posted December 19, 2008 Posted December 19, 2008 Glad to hear that this happens to other people. The past few days have been so challenging. I do have friends and family that I can lean on when times get rough like this but I miss just being held and having someone to hold on to. I miss the moral support that a positive r provides. hi rogue, i find it tough latley too.. its like most of me mentally is ok but the other is soooo not ok:sick: im seen by most as strong and independant as a fulltime mum and weekend party animal..but sometimes i just want to cry ..shout scream . im over my ex but like you i miss having that one person to be there just for a hug when things are really low. This time of year does not help.. everyones happy wishing you happy xmas etc.. im like oh yea its xmas:sick: I won a hamper today which is great as i have bought nothing..yadder nothing.. bought my kids presents online though. Also got news on some money im due so woopee im going to get through this. my advice i guess is hang in there..you will get through it, bad days will turn to good.. look positive even if its far from how your feeling thats my way of coping.. How was the hot..new rs? mine fizzled out.. im no good in a rs at the moment as im only 5% into it i still need a guy to blow my mind..that will help:p come chat to me if your online xx
Author RogueAC Posted December 21, 2008 Author Posted December 21, 2008 Thank you so much for the thoughts sultry. I promise I'll write more when I am at my computer. Today is officially my birthday. I am out and celebrating with friends and I don't know if I've ever felt more alone. I miss my ex so much right now. It feels like part of me is missing. It hurts so much.
Jenny123 Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 Happy Birthday RogueAc- you'd be surprised looking at strangers in the street thinking they're all happy, I am alone too. It will pass;)
sultry33 Posted December 22, 2008 Posted December 22, 2008 Thank you so much for the thoughts sultry. I promise I'll write more when I am at my computer. Today is officially my birthday. I am out and celebrating with friends and I don't know if I've ever felt more alone. I miss my ex so much right now. It feels like part of me is missing. It hurts so much. sorry its late but a big happy birthday hug to you;) years ago i was with someone and i was trully alone.. as jenny says smiles can mask whats underneath. the comments i get is i cant believe your single.. hell nor can i lol still id rather wait it out in singleton and get the right guy rather than the mr complicated that ive had previously. Did meet someone breifly on sat though who i was kinda getting a good vibe from but as yet no reply to my text.. he did ask me to drop call so am bit baffled as to why he hasnt returned my text? guys! I hope you had a good birthday and remember there are ups an downs in this journey we will all get there xx i need baileys;)
sunshinegirl Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 Thank you so much for the thoughts sultry. I promise I'll write more when I am at my computer. Today is officially my birthday. I am out and celebrating with friends and I don't know if I've ever felt more alone. I miss my ex so much right now. It feels like part of me is missing. It hurts so much. Hey Rogue, sorry I missed this yesterday! Happy birthday!!!!!!! I have had my share of crappy birthdays... sad ones where I'm fixated on previous years that were happy... missing people who were in my life then but not now, wondering why the things I have wanted most in life are still elusive milestones, etc. If you're feeling any of these this year, hopefully it helps (a) to know you're not alone and (b) to know that this ickiness is temporary. GreenCove put it pretty well in my thread last week about my birthday. Something great might sneak up on you before you know it...so when you feel ready to, keep your eyes and ears pealed (peeled?) for it! Hope something nice happened for you on your birthday, despite the sadness.
sultry33 Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 oops sorry Rogue, im completly nuts i thought you was Rafa:laugh: i blame the flu meds im on... advice still the same though.. just ignore the hot date bit.. i need to hide:cool:
MWH Posted December 23, 2008 Posted December 23, 2008 I can very much relate to that "stuck in the middle" feeling right now. While I am glad to be out of the nightmare relationship I was in I am also swinging back and forth between a great frustration, anger, indifference, and every now and then hope for my future. The most troubling aspect for me is the frustration with my powerlessness over the situation. Ugh. I started this post thinking I could contribute something but alas no go, huh? Peace, MWH
Author RogueAC Posted December 23, 2008 Author Posted December 23, 2008 Oh everyone, thanks so much for the support and bday wishes. For whatever reason, my birthday was a milestone for me. As the days/weeks led up to it, I felt my self grieving for the relationship and loss the way that I did when it first ended. I was racked with tears and longing. My loneliness was palpable. I was truly afraid to be alone and to have my birthday come and go without my ex. I was also feeling a new level of acceptance. Like yeah, it’s really over and has been for months. No romance novel fairytale birthday/holiday ending here. In the end, I had really wonderful birthday. It was completely different than I expected but great nonetheless. We had crazy, unplanned weather so I had to just stop and go with the flow. Friends and family really reached out to me and showed their love, care and support. It baffles me why I considered my ex’s “love” so much more valuable than theirs. I think, maybe, I am finally letting go. Also, I couldn’t believe all the great posts that were on LS over the weekend. Reading some amazing thoughts helped me get through the hardest parts. You guys are so wise! So. I’m okay AND starting to feel better again.
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