Bells Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 I bumped into a couple of women, around my age late 30's early 40's, when they found out I had never been married and had no children...they told me they prefer someone who HAVE been down that road. How many "already been married/with children men and women" have this policy?
amaysngrace Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 I have kids and I have never been with anyone who has them. But then again I wouldn't rule that out. In fact if I had the same guy cloned and one had kids and one did not I'd pick the guy without. Marriage too. Before I got married I never was with anyone who had been married. Now that I'm divorced I am with someone who is also divorced. But if he was never married that'd be okay too.
carhill Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 Turn it around. How would you feel about a woman at that age who has never been married? TBH, for me, marriage has been a growth experience, but such growth might have occurred had I been single. At this point I would be looking for someone on the same "growth page" for lack of a better term, regardless of relationship/marital history.
flc Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 I bumped into a couple of women, around my age late 30's early 40's, when they found out I had never been married and had no children...they told me they prefer someone who HAVE been down that road. How many "already been married/with children men and women" have this policy? Not an absolute but I do refer a women who has had kids since I have kids. Women without kids frequently don't understand that the kids will be a priority in your life and you have to work around them and their schedule. If they already have kids then they understand this, however, it is even more complicated when both of you have kids to deal with. Also I don't want to have more kids so I am looking for someone who is also done in that dept.
prettybaby Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 Sounds more like an excuse a coward would come up with, instead of saying flat out you're not their type. I don't think there's an absolute preference as long as it truly clicks and that they can see some potential together. Of course I could be totally wrong; that's just my two cents.
movingonandon Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 I bumped into a couple of women, around my age late 30's early 40's, when they found out I had never been married and had no children...they told me they prefer someone who HAVE been down that road. How many "already been married/with children men and women" have this policy? Bull****. They're feeding you lame excuses (or are crazy). Whichever the case, not good.
Shygirl15 Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 Oh, yes Bells I do have that policy in my book of rules. Like Carhill says, marriage is a huge growth experience and you want to date someone you can connect with at that level. I had a much better experience when I dated a divorced 34yo with 2 kids than when I dated a 39 with no experience. He didn't even know how to interract with my child. He sometimes appeared scared of my child. Ugh. It couldn't work.
Author Bells Posted December 16, 2008 Author Posted December 16, 2008 Oh, yes Bells I do have that policy in my book of rules. Like Carhill says, marriage is a huge growth experience and you want to date someone you can connect with at that level. I had a much better experience when I dated a divorced 34yo with 2 kids than when I dated a 39 with no experience. He didn't even know how to interract with my child. He sometimes appeared scared of my child. Ugh. It couldn't work. What if you were married and did NOT have kids....would that make a diff?
zdheat Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 So there are women who prefer guys with failed marriages? Female logic at its best.
Shygirl15 Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 So there are women who prefer guys with failed marriages? Female logic at its best. Haven't you had failed relationships before? What do you think marriage is?
carhill Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 So there are women who prefer guys with failed marriages? Female logic at its best. IMO, for women, this is important. The man was attractive and supposedly stable enough for a member of her gender to commit to, regardless of whether it worked out or not. It's an extension of how a man appears more attractive to other women when he's with a woman, whether he's married or not. I never experienced this until getting married. My only advice to women would be to ascertain, when considering a man with a failed marriage under his belt, why and how he grew as a person from the experience. What did he learn that can help him have successful and healthy relationships in the future? It's the same process I'd be looking for in a divorced woman as a potential partner. Compatibility of experience....
Perry Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 I don't know about you, Bells, but I sure as h e l l wouldn't want to be with such a woman with thinking like that. Don't you want to be with a woman who isn't a flake, who has her head on straight?
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