Try to breaking NC after 5 months

[againstallodds]

Me and my ex've been together for a year and a half. We broke up 5 months ago over some arguments. I haven't talk to her since. It wasn't a mutual breakup and we didn't actually talk about it. She was very upset and I was too. I try to talk to her after the breakup but wasn't successful. So I decided to go NC.

 

I am moving on but I felt that I have no closure. I still felt that there's a chance between us to work things out. Maybe it's false hope but I need to have that one last talk with her to have a piece of mind. Now that the dust settle after 5 months. Should I contact her?

[againstallodds]

I know where she work should I just drop by? I know breaking NC is not a good thing but I need to get her out of my system. I can't seem to shake it off after 5 months. Something is still bothering me. I want to make peace.

[hopefulInFuture]

I don't believe in generalizing things. Therefore it all depends on if you think you can handle talking to her and if you think this will help you. How are you going to react if she does not want to speak to you or if she has moved on? If you think that this is going to help you to move on with your life, then do it. But if you think there's a chance that you might have a relapse after a 5 month NC just in case she refuses for you to talk or she no longer wants you, then please don't do it. You will only hurt yourself. So, it all depends on your current state and on what you and can accomplish from talking to her.

[againstallodds]

Below is what I am planning to email her.

 

Hi T,

 

 

How are you T? I haven't talk to you in a long time. I know you were upset and I was too when we split. The last few months of our relationship I was stressed out at work and you were too. I know you want to open your own business and start doing your own thing but you changed so quickly and I didn’t know how to handle it. I know you think I didn’t care about you but I do. I was just stressed out. I know I made mistakes, I am not perfect. I know you were hurt and I am deeply sorry. Christmas is around the corner. Its season forgiving and I hope that you can put the past behind. Whatever made you upset I hope you can forgive me.

 

The last 5 months after you were gone I was thinking a lot about us. I realized that we both put a lot of effort in this relationship for 1 ½ year living together and I realized how important you are in my life and I don’t want to let you go. I hope that we can work things out.

 

I want to meet and talk to you one last time and give you your mail. I need to move on with my life. Even if we can make peace with each other I will be happy with it.

[BCCA]

The first question to ask yourself, honestly, is what do you expect to come out of this? If you really, truly feel that you'll get some answers for her or a chance to talk things out, you might want to consider the fact that she's made no effort to contact you, either, so she may not need the same closure that you do, or she's made her own, moved on, etc... I think a lot of people convince themselves that they'll be able to get answers they can live with or talk things out, but honestly, in my experience, it never works that way. You either have to make your own closure, or let things go. Please consider every possible outcome before doing anything, including the highly likely posibility that she wont respond or want to talk. I know its easy to think you can handle that, but I can promise you its not, and its like ripping a scab off thats almost healed.

 

Next, again honestly, ask yourself how mutual the breakup was. Were you REALLY ok with walking away from what you had or did you not have much of a choice? I'll be blunt, I hear people say that a break was amicable, but more often than not, its one persons idea that that the other person just went along with. I've never heard of two people deciding at the exact same time that breaking up was a good idea and both people are perfectly happy with the decision.

 

Lastly, why do you want to talk things over now? What do you think has changed in both of you that would allow things to be talked over now that couldnt be dealt with before? How sure are you that your ex even wants to rehash everything? Can you handle going through a whole new round of talks if it leads you to the same place you are now?

 

Here is my advice - let it go. If she wanted to talk, she would let you know. Chances are that youll send this email and she wont respond, or she'll make excuses about why she cant meet up. As much as you probably dont think so right now, if you get another rejection/ignored, youll set yourself back all over again. Is it worth it? No, find someone else who doesnt question being with you.

[againstallodds]

The five months has been a roller coaster for me. I was doing fine with NC but I heard about her again from my friend. My friend live 5 minutes from where she works. The urge all come back again. She moved out, it wasn't my decision to break it up. I really don't want to know what she's up to but it's so hard. I got some of her mails. Should I give it to my friend to give them to her? I guess back to NC for me.

[BCCA]

The five months has been a roller coaster for me. I was doing fine with NC but I heard about her again from my friend. My friend live 5 minutes from where she works. The urge all come back again. She moved out, it wasn't my decision to break it up. I really don't want to know what she's up to but it's so hard. I got some of her mails. Should I give it to my friend to give them to her? I guess back to NC for me.

 

 

Has she filed a change of address form? I assume she has in 5 months, and whatever youre getting is either old or probably not that important. Either just send her a package with her mail in it, nothing more (no love notes or anything from you at all), or have your buddy drop it off in her mailbox at home. Dont take it to her work, dont bring it anywhere yourself, and dont make any contact here that doesnt need to be made.

[againstallodds]

BCCA, The last time she txt me was on yahoo. I was travelling oversea. She said "call me when you get back and I'll come to pick up the mail. Have a good trip".

 

I txt her back "I don't have your number (she changed it)" Have a great Christmas if I don't hear from you." This was a few weeks ago.

[9Lives]

Man, I dont think this is a good idea. The rule is

 

Until you are completely over your ex, do not be the one to open communication with that person.

 

YOu are chasing pain right now cause you are not ready. You are not

over her. It is up to her to contact you and she has not. So you

are going to have to fight the urge to contact her and let it be.

You are not ready. It sucks I know. I would love to call my ex but I cant take the chance of being crushed. It has already been so damm hard so no way will I add to this. Im barely making it now. I would not do it if I was you.

[BCCA]

BCCA, The last time she txt me was on yahoo. I was travelling oversea. She said "call me when you get back and I'll come to pick up the mail. Have a good trip".

 

I txt her back "I don't have your number (she changed it)" Have a great Christmas if I don't hear from you." This was a few weeks ago.

 

 

Then the ball is in her court. If she doesnt call you about her mail, so be it. I would just set it aside for a while, and if she never asks for it back or makes any attempt to get it for another few months, just mail it to her.

 

I'll be honest, Im not getting the feeling that this woman is interested or hoping to hear from you.

[bkaz01]

hey man i feel you did u say she changed her number...im going through the same **** my situation is so screwed up its so hard when u dont have their number and the only way to talk is on im. that is what im dealing with and i would say do what ur heart tells u if it says to give her let letter or email do it u have nothin to lose...holidays make break ups 10x more difficult i swear

[BCCA]

hey man i feel you did u say she changed her number...im going through the same **** my situation is so screwed up its so hard when u dont have their number and the only way to talk is on im. that is what im dealing with and i would say do what ur heart tells u if it says to give her let letter or email do it u have nothin to lose...holidays make break ups 10x more difficult i swear

 

I have to point this out...

 

If she's changed her number and not given you the new one, then I think its pretty clear she doesnt want to talk to you. I know, it sucks, we've all been there. But dont spend anymore time looking for a silver lining, because there isnt one. Its a crappy situation, and the sooner you focus on getting over it, and not just getting by until you talk to her/see her again, the better off you'll be.

 

And do what your mind tells you the right thing to do is. Chances are, you have an internal conflict going on right now, with your mind saying to walk away, but youre heart wanting to stick around just in case. Listen to the voice of reason. The best thing to do is walk away and never look back.

[9Lives]

hey man i feel you did u say she changed her number...im going through the same **** my situation is so screwed up its so hard when u dont have their number and the only way to talk is on im. that is what im dealing with and i would say do what ur heart tells u if it says to give her let letter or email do it u have nothin to lose...holidays make break ups 10x more difficult i swear

 

What did you do to her to make her change her number? I did the same thing for reasons. What did you do to make her change her number?

[againstallodds]

Man, NC wasn't easy at all. I battle all kind of demons. I was able to maintain NC for at least 4 months just IM here and there about her mails. I thought she cheated on me when we broke up. I didn't know if she ended up with a guy I over heard on the phone or not. Yesterday I heard from my friend that she had a business with a partner but the guy is 50 years old so it can't be her bf. She's only 22. After I caught her I was so paranoid and couldn't trust her anymore and things when down hill from there.

 

I am venting here guys. It've been 5 months and I still have false hope to get back together with her. I just want to reach out to her one last time. I know it may be in vain but at least I know I tried. Ever since we broke up I listen to the advice here, to go out, keep busy, workout almost everyday.

 

There is something that bother me though. I don't know if she breakup with me because of another guy or because she was just upset because things didn't workout. I just need an explaination. With my other exes I was able to move on pretty easy. This one is so hard. I guess maybe because I live with her the longest.

[againstallodds]

What did you do to her to make her change her number? I did the same thing for reasons. What did you do to make her change her number?

 

I got no clue. I had her new number all this time until recently maybe a month ago? But I never call her. I started to call last week but the number is out of service. I don't think it's because of me she changed her number because after I cancel the phone I had with her she called me with a new number. This was a few months ago.

[againstallodds]

After thinking it over and reading your advices I decided not to send the letter. This is one of the low point of NC. Thanks god for LS otherwise I would really screw up my NC and getting hurt again. I realize that I am not over her yet and wouldn't know what to do if we meet. I emotion got the better of me and clouded my judgement. Back to NC.

[9Lives]

After thinking it over and reading your advices I decided not to send the letter. This is one of the low point of NC. Thanks god for LS otherwise I would really screw up my NC and getting hurt again. I realize that I am not over her yet and wouldn't know what to do if we meet. I emotion got the better of me and clouded my judgement. Back to NC.

 

Good for you. You are not ready and YOU looked out for YOU. You dont know how much I would love to ctc my ex but I am going to do myself a favor and giving end to the urge. It is hard every day but you will be fine

[Oscar51]

I would only advise making one more effort if you were abusive or cheated on her. But if she's changed her # and has made no serious attempt at even speaking to you, why bother? Something I've learned over the years is women need to know you care but that you will walk away from them if they throw any BS your way. And when you don't walk away you look needy and desperate which will destroy any attraction a woman had for you.

[9Lives]

well do you have her email address?

[againstallodds]

I do have her email address. But I am afraid to email her since I don't want rejection and get hurt. I am not even sure if she has a new guy or not. She left and I don't know wtf happen to her afterward. I can only assume she has someone esle.

[BackonTrack2]

I would only advise making one more effort if you were abusive or cheated on her. But if she's changed her # and has made no serious attempt at even speaking to you, why bother? Something I've learned over the years is women need to know you care but that you will walk away from them if they throw any BS your way. And when you don't walk away you look needy and desperate which will destroy any attraction a woman had for you.

 

that statement is right on

I learned that the hardway, the ex and I broke up few months back, it dragegd out for like 6 weeks for me atleast, I hit her up about 3-4 months after the break via text, called her once too but that was it, she never responded, i left it as that, that was maybe 4 or 5 months ago.

[againstallodds]

I am not abusive or cheating. But when I was upset I gave her the silent treatment. She moved out a few times but only for a few days and I was able to get her to come back. This last time was impossible. For the first few weeks I was desperate and come to her work a few times and also try to talk to her about the problem but nothing works. I don't really know the real reason why we breakup. She tell me to leave her alone. Then I follow LS advice to do NC.

 

She quit her job a month after the breakup. Also she distance herself from all her friends and family. I called her friends and family recently but they don't hear from her very often not like before when we used to be together. She used to talk to them every week.

 

I think this breakup is tough for her as well. When we broke up it was before my birthday. I was upset at her for comparing me to a girl I know. I gave her the silent treatment and she moved out. The problem is I don't know anything about her after she left. I got her number but I never called until she changed it recently. Every time she called me it's about her mail. She keep it very short. So it didn't give me any hint that she want to try again. I played it cool too and keep it to the point.

 

I got her email password so I know where she is now but I don't check it anymore because it will bring me more pain to know. I know that she started a business with a guy. I don't know if it's her bf. I think I should leave her alone. My friend live 5 minutes from where she works. He said he can talk to her but I don't think he should. I can write her an email if I want to.

 

This is my dilemma. I still have the urge to contact her but I can control myself not to. I know from my past relationship that begging works but because she feels sorry for my a##. But the problem is still there and if you can't solve it then breakup will happen again. We breakup for a reason and whatever that reason is she is the only one who knows. I can only guess.

[againstallodds]

Just an update,

 

 

Yesterday, someone called me with a block ID. I picked up but that person hang up. I got a feeling it was my ex. Funny thing is today my ex txt me about her mail after 5 months NC. She said she want to come over to pick them up next week.

 

I told you guys that she changed her number but I don't think it was because of me. Anyway with this txt I got her phone number.

 

Even though I wanted to contact her for the past month but somehow when I got her number I am afraid to call her. She caused me so much pain. I know where she worked for a few months now but I didn't bother going there and break NC. My friend confirmed it.

 

My friend live around the corner from where she works. I'll ask my friend to bring her the mails so that I don't have to see her.

 

 

I had this letter in my head for a while now but never go through with it. I think it's manipulation what do you guys think. Here goes.

 

 

Dear ex,

 

 

We haven't talk for a while. I need time to heal from the breakup and I am ok now.

 

Attached is a check for 2K. This is for some of the rent you paid me ( btw, I paid for everything, she paid 300 a month for rent to me). I thought I would save this money for a rainy day but since we are not together anymore I want you to have it. Since you don't have family here you'll need the money more than I do.

 

We also plan a trip to xxx which I promised to paid for the ticket (cost 2k). I think you should keep the money. You should go back home to see your mom, although I know she made a lot of mistake in the past and hurt you I know deep down she love you a lot.

 

Take care of yourself

[diskey23]

holy **** youre generous. i hope youre not giving back the money in hopes shell reconsider, id cash that ****. it sounds like you really want to get in touch with her & sounds like its only a matter of time till you do. i would say get rid of the 2nd sentence in the first paragraph for sure. I would personally leave feelings past or current out of the letter, it makes it sound like you really want to talk about 'the relationship' and not the $. At the end of the letter just put, if you wanna catch up sometime, give me a call, somethin' like that.

[bubblegum]

Wait a minute. She might have called and then hung up, and then she sent a text about coming over to get her mail, after all this time? Maybe she wants something more than her mail. Are you up for a reconciliation?