BlueHarvest Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 For all you new readers: I'm 24, she's 23. I live on my own, she lives with her parents. I work full time, she works part time. I have been seeing this girl for 6 weeks about. Our personalities mesh really well. We both like each other but for some reason I feel like I'm kind of stuck. Sort of like she likes me but is keeping me aloof. I feel like I'm perpetually on the third date. You know the area where the woman likes the guy and feels more comfortable around him but still doesn't quite ....for lack of a better word...."trust" him. We went to a ballet the other night. After the ballet we were walking back to the car and It was a little chilly so I took her hand in mine, thought she might think of the gesture as slightly romantic. Instead I kind of felt like she was only holding my hand because I had held hers. Back at her house we enjoyed watching a few funny clips on YouTube and then she called it a night. She said she had a fun evening and everything... At her doorstep I initiated yet another kiss. But I cannot tell for the life of me if she is just "accepting" the kiss or "expecting" the kiss. I know, as the guy, I'm supposed to initiate the kiss most of the time. But our VERY FIRST kiss together was initiated by her....so I'm sort of confused by her behavior now. I may be overthinking the situation, but I feel like I'm stuck. I feel like we haven't yet made that step to exclusive dating (even though we are dating exclusively). Sigh....so confused. On another note: I got her a necklace for christmas. Since we have only been dating 6 weeks I thought a single simple, yet thoughtful gift would be appropriate. I haven't given it to her yet, but does anyone else think that a necklace (just it) is fine for a christmas gift? Should I get her something else? Am I being cheap? Does the world stop when I don't think about her? (that last one was a joke) And one final other note: Should I talk to her sometime after christmas about our dating situation? You know...the "talk" about where we see the relationship going? Or should I wait till past two months (mid january)? Thanks for the advice in advance.
neowulf Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 You're probably not going to like this, but she sounds emotionally unavailable. For one reason or another, part of her may have shut down (usually due to a previous, painful experience involving relationships). She's able to "act" the part of the dutiful girlfriend, but deep down, she's just not feeling it. As usual, communication is everything. Sit her down and tell her how you're feeling. Go from there. Good luck.
Author BlueHarvest Posted December 15, 2008 Author Posted December 15, 2008 Thanks neo...anyone else care to offer thoughts comments on the three things I spoke of in this thread? Could use more of a consensus here...
Lucky555 Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 Its been 6 weeks...Have you given her any indication you want something as in a relationship with her? If you have just been hanging out with her for 6 weeks and have made no indication of the "future" she may be thinking that your dating other people or not that interested in her as much as she would like. You may need to see if this is what she wants too.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 Have you gone beyond kissing yet? If you haven't, it may be time to propel that part of things forward. I would seriously wonder why the guy I'm dating doesn't seem to want to make out with me. You don't have to make out on the front doorstep. Do it in the car or something. Too bad they don't have drive in movies anymore. That was a great place to make out. My first boyfriend took me to a drive in back in the early 90's and that was the scence of our first make out session. Don't remember what the movie was.....
Author BlueHarvest Posted December 16, 2008 Author Posted December 16, 2008 @cherry: yes we have made out once in my car....about 2-3 weeks ago. During it she said "go slower" and that kind of killed the vibe for me. We haven't made out since partially because...i didn't know if she wanted me to go slower kissing her at that moment or if she meant go slower in the relationship. Regardless...I haven't really had a chance to try and make out with her lately. I'll probably try again when i give her her christmas present....a necklace with diamond-cut svarwski (sp?) crystals. We hang out once a week about. But it's usually at her parents house....and I don't feel comfortable making out within view of the house ..............for rather obvious reasons. @ Lucky: i haven't made any indictation or talked to her about a more serious relationship with her cause I didn't think 6 weeks was long enough to be having those kind of talks. my female friends kind of pushed that point on me...they said I should wait till mid january before I push for a more serious relationship. Thoughts?
Author BlueHarvest Posted December 16, 2008 Author Posted December 16, 2008 Cherry? Lucky? Anyone? Don't like bumping my own thread but still could use some advice on how to proceed. We have tentative plans for Thursday to hang out. We made the plans saturday night before I left her house. I haven't called her since, so that way I am making myself more "unavailable"...is this ok to do? I hate dating games but apparently it has to be done...
applepie1989 Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 Do you ever or more importantly does she ever speak about the future, i dont mean marriage i just mean any plans she has in her life and any indication that they include you? I know its pretty soon but thats a good decider to see if she is serious, usually it will just be phrased as a joke but lets ya know if it crossed her mind. Also does she ever make plans to go do something, are they spontanous or does she do it becuase she feels like she has too because you've made most of the plans before.
Author BlueHarvest Posted December 16, 2008 Author Posted December 16, 2008 she has mentioned a few things like "oh we need to do that" or "that would be fun for a valentine's day adventure" ....she has mentioned future things. She just isn't very vocal on them it seems
BlondeAmbition27 Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 I think if you really like this girl and think she's worth it you should just be up front with her about it. Ask her how's she's feeling because you can't really tell or feel like she's holding back. For me personally, it usually takes me a long time to warm up to people just because I've had a lot of bad experiences and in my family we aren't very "emotional" people, in fact we were kind of always taught to hold back on it because it's "weak". That's a whole 'nother bag of worms, but regardless I think if you care about her talk to her about it. After 6 weeks I feel like it wouldn't be inappropriate to ask either. If she's not worth it or if she doesn't give you a very good answer, maybe think about being with someone who can be there for you too.
Author BlueHarvest Posted December 16, 2008 Author Posted December 16, 2008 Yea. I thought about discussing our emotions and where we stand. I was just afraid it was "too early" in the relationship to talk about such things.
BlondeAmbition27 Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 Well I think there's a right and a wrong way to go about it, if you just keep it casual and not really serious and intense I think it's totally fine. Just say "I'm really enjoying spending time with you but I'm kind of having trouble figuring out if you're into this or not" I wouldn't say something like "I need to know how serious you are about this relationship" or "We need to figure out where this is going".
Author BlueHarvest Posted December 16, 2008 Author Posted December 16, 2008 Well I appreciate the advice so far. Not sure I'm up for this but I guess I'll try. Still open to other avenues of advice from others though.
Recommended Posts