Amalia Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 I have been in LDR for over a year by now and I still have the same feeling for him as in the beginings. Nevertheless, my feelings are stronger now, I feel he is the right person. But sometimes things can be very hard, and I find myself wondering do the relationship have to be so difficult? He is lives in Italy, more than 1000 miles away. We have different culture, language, tradition. Unfortunately we didn’t have the opportunity to meet each other for more than 2.5 months, I am looking forward for Christmas because I decided I would spend it with him (although it was always tradition to spend it with my family). I feel this is my limit, often it is very difficult to stay far away for him. When happens we cannot be in contact I have various thoughts. I became worried, jealous, suspicious, thinking why he didn’t contact me, has his feeling remained the same and so insecure. I think about every detail, every thing he did say and analyse it over and over again. Usually I just need to hear his voice to make this thoughts go away. Lately I feel there is some kind of distance between us, sometimes I wonder maybe it is only in my head. When we talk, lately he responds very shortly, sometimes I think he is annoyed speaking with me. Yesterday we have a little argue, I told him I don’t want to annoy him. He is also in very stressed period. I believe he feels regret about his studies and university. Several moths ago he take a break of his work and tried to concentrate on his exams. He studied telecommunications and gave almost all exams but because of program change and some unfortunate situations many of them he has to do all over again. He said there is one subject, where he feels blocked, and just cannot pass it (or at least cannot pass theoretical part, because problems he passed with 95%). He cannot even study it because he start to feel bad, he feel seek when he only open the book and starts to think about all bad things this exam has done to him. Several years ago this exam was the reason why he discontinuened his study programs and started to work. Lately he started to work again (it’s work that doesn’t satisfy him, nor his intellectual ability, but he thought he could earn some money at least) because he couldn’t enforce him to study, he felt regret, guilt and it was all worse. I have tried to speak with him many times about that, I have tried to help him and even told him can use me, to check his knowledge or for any other kind. When he feels down like this, I believe he also has thought about me; unfortunately I have done things in my past that he doesn’t approve (softly speaking) and when he feels like this he cannot forget it and go away. Now I don’t know how to help him any more, I don’t what to say and I feel he is down. It influences me also, I wish he is happy, I wish to see him without regrets, content about his achievements. This work he is doing is very demanding, so he can’t study together with work. He also said if he find a decent job he would come in my country, but he doesn’t speak the language so it is little difficult at least at start… How can I help him? Please write me your opinions…
Bearandsue Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 Now I am no expert this is just my two cents. I have been in a LDR since March 2007 and I have been through all those feelings, jealousy, worry, even depression. Its very hard being away from the one you love. It took me a while to get used to it and most of the time I found it was all in my mind. You CANNOT have an LDR without complete trust on both sides. As far as him being down. I find that men like to work through problems by themselves. Its the whole "macho gene". There is nothing you can do but let him know you are there if he needs you. It doesnt mean he doesnt love you. He is just going through stuff. Be supportive and he will be expressive about it when he is ready. Dont pressure him about it or he will just push you away. That's my opinion.
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