lostgirl_2981 Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 Ok, here goes, I have been with my boyfriend for over 4 years. We have not ever lived together because he has "commitment" issues. I moved out of state for a new job and since the commitment thing has been a far away memory. So to the now...his ex wife left him 5 years ago for another man. She married that other man and she has my boyfriends son. She uses that against him in every way. I am a mom and have gone through divorce, so I know what is for the child and what isnt. This woman made it nearly impossible for my boyfriend to see his son, and he has had to put forth all the effort. He has done a great job of that too. So a couple months ago him and I talked about him moving in with me and so he let her know what was going on...Her answer: well I wanted to move to your city because I want to leave my current husband, but if you are going to move then I will just go back to my home town. Since that, yeahhhh, the talks have become more on what should I do, who am I going to hurt and whatever. I told him that I didnt want him to have to choose so I tried to be the bigger person and let him go. 1 1/2 months later we are back together. So since things have been great...however, she is moving to his town now. AND moving in with him! It is completely temporary, and since she is such a flake about things, I dont think it will last much after the holidays, for her to just pack up and go back to her home town anyways. So I am in complete caos right now. How would anyone out there handle something like this...is this normal? Is this crazy? let me know if you need more info...thank you
Geishawhelk Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 Loud and clear: You are the second option. He's using you as an emotional prop. I'd cut your losses, and let them get on with it. And when the next particular drama comes to an end, don't, whatever you do, be there as second-best back-up.
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 WHAT?!? Nooooooo. OMG...seriously, she's moving IN with him and leaving her current husband. Um, let's see...RERUN? I agree with Geisha - do NOT be there as 2nd choice. Doesn't matter how big of a flake she is - he's a jerk for not considering your feelings before allowing his ex-wife to move in with him with their child. He's made his choice and you are not in the picture...at least until he gets lonely.
burningashes Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 Right, don't do it! This guy is a total jerk and user, no man who loves you would let his ex wife move in with him!
moonshadow Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 Ok, here goes, I have been with my boyfriend for over 4 years. We have not ever lived together because he has "commitment" issues. I moved out of state for a new job and since the commitment thing has been a far away memory. So to the now...his ex wife left him 5 years ago for another man. She married that other man and she has my boyfriends son. She uses that against him in every way. I am a mom and have gone through divorce, so I know what is for the child and what isnt. This woman made it nearly impossible for my boyfriend to see his son, and he has had to put forth all the effort. He has done a great job of that too. So a couple months ago him and I talked about him moving in with me and so he let her know what was going on...Her answer: well I wanted to move to your city because I want to leave my current husband, but if you are going to move then I will just go back to my home town. Since that, yeahhhh, the talks have become more on what should I do, who am I going to hurt and whatever. I told him that I didnt want him to have to choose so I tried to be the bigger person and let him go. 1 1/2 months later we are back together. So since things have been great...however, she is moving to his town now. AND moving in with him! It is completely temporary, and since she is such a flake about things, I dont think it will last much after the holidays, for her to just pack up and go back to her home town anyways. So I am in complete caos right now. How would anyone out there handle something like this...is this normal? Is this crazy? let me know if you need more info...thank you Do you think he's really "over her"? Do you think he's ever really gotten over her having cheated on him and left him? Do you think maybe his commitment issues have been due to him maybe holding out a little bit of hope that one day he and her would get back together? Whose idea was it that she'll be staying with HIM? Did he offer? Did she ask? What the h*ll is she up to? Did she find out the grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence and she's feeling threatened by the fact that he told her that you 2 were going to be living together and suddddddddddddenly she's decided to leave her husband and "temporarily" move in with him? Aren't you a little bit suspicious about the timing of everything? I would be. Let's be honest here...............he's been with you for 4 yrs and after all that time he can't make a proper commitment to you? Why is that? He must know enough about you and the kind of person you are to decide whether he wants to make a real life and future with you but gee, he can't seem to do this...........and now his nutty ex is moving in with him. If I were you, I would end things with him. You deserve much better than this. There's no reason that his EX needs to be living with him, none whatsoever. That is disrespectful to you and he can't stand up for you?
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