40+ guys and dating..

[Shygirl15]

Usually not very expressive... at least verbally. My sister says it's because they've been through a lot of dissapointments so have their guards up.

 

I have dated 3 in LTRs so far. All acted the same way.

 

2 weeks ago, my current BF openly declared that he doesn't love me. Not yet. But then same week he goes out and buy 2 perfumes, mine two times more expensive than his.

 

Then when we make love, he slowly whispers "You're the best"..

 

Now, I have dated 30 something guys who said the word 'love' on a 2 date or called me 3 times a day just to see 'howam doing'. Bored the hell out of me.

 

I guess we all need to compromise at some point. I think I would rather go with less verbally but more action expressive guys. I would rather have a guy do loving stuff for me, than the one screaming 'I love you' all day and do nothing. What do you ladies think?

 

Or guys. Whatever. lol

[alphamale]

Usually not very expressive... at least verbally. My sister says it's because they've been through a lot of dissapointments so have their guards up.

what does your sister say about women 40+? actually, i've become much more "expressive" as i've gotten older. if i like something i verbalize it, if i don't i verbalize that too

[Nemo]

Try dating hundreds of guys, and then you can complain. Dating 30 something guys or even 40+ guys is just the beginning. One needs to be patient in this game, but I feel sure that your reward will eventually come.

[shockandawed]

I agree with alpha and would think if anyting, we would be more expressive.

 

I understand the thought that the more disappointments, the higher the wall. Looking back at my situation though, I realize some of the mistakes I have made in previous relationships or my marriage. One of the biggies was not being very expressive.

 

Now that I am older and wiser, I feel I am much more expressive.

[Woggle]

By that age most men know to keep their mouth shut around women unless you want a screaming match.

[sunshinegirl]

I guess we all need to compromise at some point. I think I would rather go with less verbally but more action expressive guys. I would rather have a guy do loving stuff for me, than the one screaming 'I love you' all day and do nothing. What do you ladies think?

 

I have learned the hard way that words without action mean nothing. But I've also learned (also the hard way) that actions without an ability to say the words is also trouble.

 

My guess is that there are plenty of men out there who are capable of both (showing you AND telling you they love you). I won't settle for less anymore.

[flc]

I have learned that communications and making sure you meet your personal needs is critical. My marriage failed because of this and I was in my 30s when I got married. I will not repeat that mistake so I am completely up front with my partners at this stage in life and the chips fall where they may. Of course I fall into the ove 50 camp.

[Bells]

 

But then same week he goes out and buy 2 perfumes, mine two times more expensive than his.

 

 

He wears perfume...yeah, I'd be concerned.

[Dexter Morgan]

Usually not very expressive... at least verbally. My sister says it's because they've been through a lot of dissapointments so have their guards up.

 

I'd say your sister is fairly on the mark. Not with all men, but I know I have a guard up. I express myself and engage in conversation, but for a while I keep my emotions in check.

 

Don't want to give a woman ammunition to use against me;)

[Shygirl15]

I am talking about verbalizing your romantic feelings to your partner, not your wants and needs. Do you guys do this, because my experience tells me otherwise. Older guys tend to be more analyzing and look at pros and cons for everything while younger guys are more risk taking when it comes to exposing their feelings.

My guess is that there are plenty of men out there who are capable of both (showing you AND telling you they love you). I won't settle for less anymore.

At the age group in topic, guys tend to be more action less words, IME. I wish there would be a balance but appears they're more concerned about protecting their feelings than anything else. So assuming you have to choose between these two guys: one does not verbalize his feelings but sends you flowers every now and then, romantic e cards, spends every free time he has with you; and you have another guy that verbalize his feelings, he loves you, he misses you, you mean the world to him etc, but his actions support only 50% of what he says. Which one will you date? Would you consider someone who settled for the 1st guy, settled for less??

[Shygirl15]

what does your sister say about women 40+?

LOL.. Well since she falls in that group, I'll ask her and let you know her thoughts. I do not think women change with age though. Women at all ages are always more expressive with their feelings. It's a feminine trait.

[movingonandon]

LOL.. Well since she falls in that group, I'll ask her and let you know her thoughts. I do not think women change with age though. Women at all ages are always more expressive with their feelings. It's a feminine trait.

 

 

What I like about older women is that they're finally disabused of the juvenile notion that just because they have vaginas they rule the universe . So they're a lot more fun to communicate with, and, once you get past a wrinkle or two - also a lot more fun in bed.

 

As for guys, can't tell. I'm still in my early 30s, but the change from my 20s is that i will verbalize anything - good, bad, in between, and not only rely on actions so much. Also learned the hard way.

 

But overall, my idea of a healthy guys is one that shuts up for the ost part and only speaks when there is an actual need to. But I see that it does not work very well over extended periods of time. Not with the constant need for reassurance women (of all ages) seem to have.