Falling Apart

[peteyj]

First time poster. I've been married to my wife for 3 and a half years. We've been together for over 5 years. We've known one another for about 8 years. There have been some rough patches due to deaths in her family and some financial troubles when I lost my job, but we always worked it out.

 

Then a couple weeks ago she shows up at like 5am in the morning. I couldn't sleep and had to work from home that day because we only have one car and she had it so I didn't know what was going on. See said she and her friends went to the pool at her friends apartment. Problem was the pool closed at midnight. She said they just hung out at her friends place after that. I didn't really believe it but went with it.. But she went crazy accusing me of not trusting her and this and that. A big argument ensued and she started talking about the whole "i don't understand her" and this and that.... I go out to get gas and food and when I come back she's gone. I call her and text her and she never gets back to me. I call up my friend and hang out with him for a few hours, come back and she still isn't home.

 

Low and behold we finally talk to one another and she comes home. We discuss our relationship and things we need to work on. Everything seemed ok at that point. But I work during the day and right now she's not working and hasn't for about a year. So I don't know what went on then.. Anyway Tuesday evening rolls around and we go shopping for some clothes for a holiday party my company is having. We had a decent time and later we went out to meet with friends.. It was fun at first but then she started texting somebody and most of the night she was ignoring eveyrbody and just texting somebody and laughing. Later we go dancing and she's sort of into it having fun and kissing and making out but then she gets more text messages and she kept pulling the phone away from me. She told me to trust her. Well later I did see get a glimpse of one of the text messages and it said something like "are you coming tonight" so it sort of made me mad...

 

Later as we were all leaving she tells me she's going over to her friends house and knows I have to go home because I work the next day. I didn't buy it. I told her I don't believe her and she told me to trust her and she even swore on her father's life that she wouldn't do that to me.

 

Low and behold she never returned my calls or text messages or emails the next day. I called her friends and she was never over there. They dropped her off someplace else. She finally got back to me at like 4pm. We met up and discussed things. She admitted she was seeing somebody else but she still loved me and wanted an open relationship. I didn't like that theory but I was willing to find a way to work things out. So we hung out and were going to work things out. But later she complained that she needs to go out and have fun and I'm trying to control her because I don't want her to go out. She tells me she'll be home by 2am she promises. She did get home at 2am but still.

 

The next night the same stupid crap. SOmebody starts texting and suddenly it goes from us working things out to her going out for a few hours. Except she didn't get home until like 5am. And this was during a week where I had a lot of tough assignments for work to do. A big important week she knew about. Her getting home with our only car at 5am when I have to wake up at 6am is not good. She never answers the phone or returnes calls or texts me back either.

 

We fight but I still try to work things out with her. She agrees and we try to work it out. Except this is the night of our holiday party and she's supposed to pick me up at 3pm. She needed the car to buy some shoes. So it made sense for her to drop me off at work while she goes and get shoes and then pick me up. Low and behold she didn't pick me up until like 4pm and I almost missed the holiday party cause of her. She said there was a lot of traffic and she didn't find shoes. We go, have fun, but she keeps saying she wants to go home cause she's tired. She even tells me that she isn't texting all night cause she left the phone at home. Later after the holiday party is over, a few co-workers and their spouses go to a bar for a few hours. She doesn't want to go at all, but she does and after awhile everybody leaves. We get home around 1am and she tells me that she wants to go out for a few hours. A few hours turn into 12 noon the next day and she had the car once again.

 

Yesterday morning I find out she took money out of the debit card in the place where this other guy lives. She wasn't at the mall. I went out of the way so she could have the car to buy shoes and she goes and drives up to this guys place and spends it with him. Almost made me freaking miss my holiday party. I had enough. I tried to do everything right. I tried to be the perfect husband. But none of it was enough.

 

So I accept the relationship is over. When she got home I spoke to her about divorce and ending it. Obviously she has no respect for me or something. She says she loves me but doesn't know if she's in love with me anymore. But after discussing divorce she doesn't like that idea. Since she has no money or place to live she doesn't want a divorce. I tell her she should go live with her new bf then. She tells me she doesn't want to do that. We don't have any kids and we don't have tons of assets as we live in an apartment. She did say she wanted the car though. I didn't want to just give it to her as it's the only car we have... But later I told her she can have the car but she has to pay the payments and we can move on. IT seems she moved on and is sleeping and almost living with this other guy. But she didn't like that idea either.

 

I don't get it really. She tells me she thinks she doesn't love me anymore, we're not the same people, blah blah and this other guy is just a casual thing. Yet she doesn't seem open to being divorced or moving out.

 

I don't know the laws enough to where I can just throw her to the street and I know in California it's almost a no fault state when it comes to divorce.,,,,,,

 

I haven't had a chance to speak to her about what we are going to do cause she hasn't been home since last night. And she never answers when I call her or text her.... She didn't take most of her things though.

 

I still love her and wanted it to work, but it's obvious she doesn't want it to work. It's like I don't know her anymore or something. She never acted like this until a couple weeks ago. She met some guy online and here we are now.

 

Maybe it's about control. She never has total control over me. All I know is when I first started dating her years ago we didn't spend every second of every day with one another. I don't know how long she's been emailing this guy but they've only been together for at most two weeks. Before that she wasn't going out much unless I went out with her. I don't know what it is.. It hurts and I'm sad and I miss her, but I just don't get it really.

[skinman]

Dude,

sorry to hear that you are going through this BS... My advice is let her go... worry about yourself they will end up screwing you in the end... Do you think I sound bitter.. well yes your right I have been married for close to 16 years and my wife up and decided she wanted to find someone she had things in common with and she didnt love me anymore.......... cut yor losses now buddy. I am 44 and my chance of finding love again are slim... you still have a lot left to give so drop her like a bad habit and get on with your life... You know in your heart that she is screwing around with this guy so do something about it........... Tell her to kiss your *** and get on with your life...

 

best wishes dude.... grow some balls and move on

[LakesideDream]

Pete, Sad to say I actually began laughing reading your story. You got the "I love you but am not in love with you" speach, your wife is balling some other dude, and she wants to remain unemployed, to have the car (with you making the payments) and a place to live full time while she's doing it?

 

No children, no Real Estate, no assets to speak of? Do you have a long term lease? When's it up? At the very least I'd be out the door the day the lease expired, find my own place and leave no forwarding assets. Oh, close the bank accounts, cancel any joint credit cards, and file for divorce. Hell, that's a lie. In your situation I'd just leave, move out the next time she's off banging her buddy.

[peteyj]

No credit cards as I don't use them. Our bank accounts are sort of separate now. Hers goes to pay the bills and mine is sort of a savings account.

 

My apartment lease which her name is on too lasts until July. The car is in both our names but we have like 4 or 5 more years on it. Other than that there aren't many assets besides a tv and chairs but I could care less about that crap.

 

The just moving out sounds like a good idea but if I have to pay for two rents, don't think i can do that.

[lkjh]

Just divorce her! Have as little contact as possible with her.

[LakesideDream]

No credit cards as I don't use them. Our bank accounts are sort of separate now. Hers goes to pay the bills and mine is sort of a savings account.

 

My apartment lease which her name is on too lasts until July. The car is in both our names but we have like 4 or 5 more years on it. Other than that there aren't many assets besides a tv and chairs but I could care less about that crap.

 

The just moving out sounds like a good idea but if I have to pay for two rents, don't think i can do that.

 

 

Don't worry about it. No court is going to make you pay for her dwelling for more than 90 days. No kids, wife spending time balling another guy, you are in the drivers seat my man. Show her the door, or reach for the knob yourself.

[Gunny376]

The problem isn't so much you as it is so much her, she's not mature enough to handle being married to you nor anyone else. Were I you, I would just bide my time until July, get out from under the lease and move on with my life. Meanwhile sandbagging my money (every nickle, dime and penny I could scrounge back) and work on getting my own car. I would recommend a used Toyota Corrala or Tacoma single cab pick-up truck, those babies don't stop for anything but gas, tires, and oil.

 

Think I'm kidding? Go to your local "ChinaMart" or mall and view how many 20 year old Toyota Camary's, Corrallas' and single cabs Tacoma's are in the parking lot? They may look like Hell, but they're still running. Can't go wrong with a Nissian, Masda, and a Honda.

 

You can't dump this gal fast enough. Trouble is? Relatonships? Easy to get into, can be hard to maintain, and sometimes difficult to get out of. Your young, and you still have the opporunity to have a great Life.

 

That's not so NOT going to happen in so long as you're with the so-called DW!

[BikerBeagle]

First of all, TAKE your car back. It might have both of your names on it, but you need it to retain your employment ...she only 'needs' it only because it affords her the freedom to move around and screw another guy at will.

 

Second, kick her to the curb. If she wants 'freedom' within your marriage, open the door and say, "there you go, the world is your oyster, get out". Don't ask her, tell her.

 

"Maybe it's about control. She never has total control over me."

 

I beg to differ, it looks to me like she has controlled pretty well. Where's your pride, dignity, and self-respect?

[pelicanpreacher]

If the vehicle is leased in both of your names then, unless she can have the paperwork redone to have your name removed, you must keep the car and have the paperwork redone to remove her's. Even if you two get divorced the leasing company will not recognize the assignment imposed by the courts for both of your names are enjoined to that contract which makes all parties liable to any damages, mileage, or general liability for that vehicle. I know lawyers will beg differently but I'm an LO and I've had to explain this to mortgage applicants too many times to count why and how they remain liable for cosigned car debt or lease contracts so it's best to get the car issue resolved right now!!!

[hopefulInFuture]

I read your story and thought that your wife has too many issues and needs some serious medical help. I don't think you should stick around until she messes around with other men. the fact that she doesn't have total control over you is good. Excellent. Pick up the pieces of your broken heart and move on. You don't need someone like that in your life. She's too selfish to think about anyone else and don't you need a loving and caring partner in your marriage? I certainly would not want someone like her. I understand you love her, but understand that she's no longer the person you loved.

[Woggle]

If you have no kids get her out of your life as fast as you can and find a woman that is worth your time and energy. Do not waste your time trying to make this work with a woman like her because it will be nothing but drama.

[Posco_Proudfoot]

Far as the car, sounds like she wants it if you make the payments, else you might as well take it since you're the one paying on it.

 

It also sounds like your W has found a loophole in the marriage, where she can do whatever the **** she wants and still expect a free paycheck.

 

It's very unfortunate that she will learn the hard way. I would start separating everything, tell her to either make payments on the car or you're taking it, don't put gas in it, don't give her any money. Isn't there a way to file legal separation in CA? Once the lease expires get it in your name and have the locks changed. It's time for a wake up call for her.

[LakesideDream]

Pete is in the drivers seat here. All he needs to do is turn the key, and begin driving. He's not the one who has abandoned the marriage.

 

File,

File,

File,

File,

File,

File,

File,

 

Start breaking up this train wreck. Don't wait for her to get knocked up by her boyfriend so she can muddy the waters for another 9 months. Don't wait for her to steal everything in sight. Don't wait for anything.

 

Who cares about the damn car. Don't pay the bills on it. Don't make the payments. Who cares if it's repo'd? This is your life buddy, not an auto loan. Ditto the apartment. File! In the seperation agreement you can negotiate who gets the apartment. Then go to the apartment office and change the lease. If she wants it, she can sign a new lease. Ditto if you do. It's not like the apartment managment company has never delt with this situation before. I'd be suprised if they don't deal with it weekly.

 

Stop making excuses, start taking control of your own life.

 

There is always a price to pay for our mistakes. Your problems are tiny. An apartment lease and a car loan. Gawd, if they were all that simple. You are getting off easy.

[Posco_Proudfoot]

Who cares about the damn car. Don't pay the bills on it. Don't make the payments. Who cares if it's repo'd? This is your life buddy, not an auto loan. Ditto the apartment. File! In the seperation agreement you can negotiate who gets the apartment. Then go to the apartment office and change the lease. If she wants it, she can sign a new lease. Ditto if you do. It's not like the apartment managment company has never delt with this situation before. I'd be suprised if they don't deal with it weekly.

 

Stop making excuses, start taking control of your own life.

 

There is always a price to pay for our mistakes. Your problems are tiny. An apartment lease and a car loan. Gawd, if they were all that simple. You are getting off easy.

It is not getting off easy if he's credit is wrecked from not making payments on the car. There is a big difference in getting out of a relationship and then damaging your own life in the process.

[Confused9]

I am so sorry you are going through this but I agree with everyone else on here, stop allowing her to make all the decisions and tell her to move out, and you take the car to go to work, which, in my opinion is more important than her having it to go to her daily booty call.

 

I know you are in total shock but the quicker you let go and move on the better for you in the long run. I know this hurts like h*ll and you have no idea where it came from and think you can still win her back but it's not even worth it. Let her crawl in to that hole she's in and tell her to go feck herself.

 

Sorry, that may be a bit harsh but she is being so selfish right now, she deserves some 'talking to'.

[LakesideDream]

It is not getting off easy if he's credit is wrecked from not making payments on the car. There is a big difference in getting out of a relationship and then damaging your own life in the process.

 

 

You get to answer on your credit. Divorce is the #1 reason for tempory down blips in credit. If the car is the only blip it won't "wreck" his credit, it will only damage it a little for a few months.

 

But who cares? If the woman gets knocked up he's on the hook for ALL the bills as long as they are married, and until paternity is settled by a court of law. That's regardless of who's sperm created the baby. Ditto if she gets drunk and has a car accident (big credit ding). There are many things that can damage your credit. He already says he doesen't believe in credit cards, lives in an apartment, he probably wouldn't notice a "ding" if it was there.

 

Quit being a ninny Posco. There is no question the OP's live will end up "damaged" as you say. The question is how much damage. Often it's better to take a small hit instead of a fatal beating farther down the road.

[Posco_Proudfoot]

You get to answer on your credit. Divorce is the #1 reason for tempory down blips in credit. If the car is the only blip it won't "wreck" his credit, it will only damage it a little for a few months.

Umm, no. I'm not sure what country you live in but here in the states that is EXACTLY what doesn't happen when you don't pay for a vehicle. It is default of a loan and will live with him for years. I know relationships that have ended with both party's credit ruined. Ever think he might want a house in a year? He needs a car anyway for **** sakes. What are you thinking?? He'll be able to race out and get another one on a loan when he defaulted on his last one??

 

 

This is about as bad advice as I can think to give someone.

[peteyj]

There is no saving our relationship at this point. There are days when she's being nice, seems to want to be friends, maybe even seems like she wants to get back together, but that all ends as she texts or talks to or instant messages this guy. Then she goes and hangs out with him.

 

I'm trying to do the nice thing so I can get the divorce at this point. But she won't even read the papers, yet alone sign them. In California there is the simple divorce or the general normal divorce....Which means probably getting a lawyer... I'm trying to avoid that.... I figured since she left me and continues to see this other guy..... it shouldn't be that hard to get her to sign divorce papers. Yeah I was wrong.

 

As far as the car....well if i just give it to her and she doesn't pay it...I'm the one screwed... She probably won't even give a crap that her credit gets ruined.. I had bad credit in the past and I've been working to improve it.... Bad credit sort of screws up your life and makes it a living hell. High interest rates...hard to find decent apartments to live in... Can't always get bank accounts. So if the car goes bye bye cause she doesn't pay....i'll be the one who probably winds up on the street or live in some rat hole cause I won't get approved elsewhere. I've been down that path where I was making good money but got rejected for a nice apartment cause of bad credit. A repo on an expensive car isn't going to do anything but screw me over....

 

But I can't pretend that her living here is working.. Everytime she talks to this guy or goes out to see him, it's killing me... I think I'm just going to move out, get off the lease, but I don't know...

 

If the divorce becomes a difficult one because she thinks I"m the one who screwed her over...it probably means I"m going to be paying spousal support to her for years. I spoke to an attorney and the reality in California is that most of the time the courts don't care why the marriage ended.. Her sleeping and dating another guy won't make a difference. NO fault state he told me.. .Kind of sucks. I'm basically the one who got screwed over and yet she still can do whatever she wants...

 

I don't know..... At first it was about wanting to save the relationship. Then it became about being nice and caring for her.. Now I really can't stand her anymore.. What kind of respect does she have for me where goes out with this other guy every day in front of me...... I really can't handle much of this anymore.. I can't stay here anymore because I know something bad is going to happen....

 

I think my best bet is to just move out one of these days she's with him....It sucks though. TOnight was a holiday party over at a friends house. They are a married couple and I"m friends with the husband, she with the wife. I met the husband cause she's friends with the wife. But we became friends over time.... Well I told him that I wasn't going it would be too awkward. She's bringing her new bf to the party......

 

As far as taking her off the lease...well my landlord is an a-hole and they aren't going to change anything until July when the lease is up.

[pelicanpreacher]

At this point you should only look at your wife as a parasite. Your 1st step is to contact the car leasing company to trade in your vehicle to have another lease drawn up in your name only. The fact that you enjoined your wife on the lease does give her right of refusal but if you contact them to have the vehicle voluntarily repoed and transfer the loss differential to the new vehicle your credit won't suffer too bad a hit, you'll have a car in your name only, and your stbx will be left twisting in the wind.

 

If it is her intention to use and abuse you then open an individual checking account while removing your name from the joint one. Pay all obligations on the apartment, your utilities, phone, cable, internet, et al on time (remove her name from them as well), and maintain a pay history on the car et all so that no payment is made more than 30 days late on any of the aforementioned (30 days is a financing standard in the mortgage industry to determine delinquency). If you have any outstanding collections or judgments then establish a payment plan for them and stick to it religiously. Remember to make all payments on all the above by personal check, and go online to get a copy of both front and back of each check to establish a paper trail, and keep a copy of these records in a safe place since you don't have much by way of commercially established credit being reported to the credit bureaus.

 

Within 1 year you should be able to produce records establishing an alternative credit history based on timely payments of all your bills that will allow you to secure financing for a home at an excellent rate. Do not bite your nose to spite your face by folding your arms and refusing to pay your bills just because you don't want your stbx to leech off of you. If you can remain focused and not lose your head you should come out of this smelling like a rose with a new home and car sans stbx to boot!

[ReeWoo]

First time poster. . .

 

Open the door of your apartment, put your foot on her boody and push her out.

 

She doesn't have a job nor money to make auto payments. You need a lawyer, what ever you spend now will save you 10 times that down the road, believe me.

 

Don't give her anything - especially the keys to the car that you need to get to work with.

 

Step one, go to a bank and open an account only for you.

 

Step two, empty the joint account.

 

Step three, get a lawyer.

 

P.S. if you worry about where to live, get a new place right now before any effects of bad credit set in.

Tell the lawyer what you need and he should be able to minimize your credit effects. If you try to do it yourself, well . . . I once saw a guy try to be a lawyer for himself - it was very funny and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone, hahaha, I still laugh about it.

[peteyj]

I can probably live wherever at this point, that's not really the issue. The issue is if I do leave and she doesn't pay the rent, my name is on it and it looks like an eviction. If they really want their money they can come after me and sue me and garnish my wages to get the money owed on the apartment. That would only make her make out in the deal if she winds up getting another guy to support her while I'm screwed with horrible credit and have a hard time finding places to live and who knows about jobs if I need one in the future if my credit has all these issues on it.

 

I spoke to the leasing manager yesterday to change the locks, to get her name off the lease. They told me that I can change the locks but since she's still on the lease, she can just come in and get the new keys from them. And the only way to get her off the lease would be to fill out a piece of paper both of us have to sign.

 

As far as bank accounts, as I said, we really don't have joint accounts anymore. We kept my stuff away from hers because of my bad credit and I couldn't get a bank account a couple years back anyway. So she got a bank account so we could pay bills with checks and when we needed to I'd put the money in there to cover it.. Other than that there is no money in her checking account and I don't have a checking account. I have a savings account, but that's in my name and it's an online thing I got long before I was with her. I really haven't put much money in that account over the years so it really doesn't matter.

 

If it were as easy as just walking out and not giving a damn, I'd be all for it.. The problem is I did that in the past and got screwed for it. I had a couple of friends who were my roommates like ten years ago.. It's not the same as being married but they stopped paying rent, started getting into some bad things, and I had enough. I was the only one responsible at that point and paying rent. Started to make me broke covering their halves. Then my job moved me a little further away and I just wasn't going to do it anymore. I told the landlord, even wrote up a signed doc he never signed, and I left. I moved on, bought a house, got promoted at work, and everything looked decent. My old friends/roommates stayed.. Except come to find out they never paid rent for like six months but somehow could never get kicked out until the end of the lease. A few years later my HR dept at work calls me in and somebody is suing me. It's that landlord. And I got a lawyer and they told me nothing I can do. They looked for those other guys, couldn't find the one, found the other but he was bankrupt or something......... So essentially they landlord came after me for six months worth of rent, damages, lawyer fees and who knows what else....

 

I fought it, got it somewhat reduced but they still garnished my wages and it screwed up a lot of things.. As it made me have a lot less money to pay bills with.

 

 

So fast forward to now...... If I just walk out I guarantee the same crap is going to happen and it took me years to recover from that mess and to finally get back on my feet with money and some sort of credit. So in the long run if I just walk out and don't pay anything, I'm the one getting screwed over, not her. She'll just find some other guy to support her. I'll be the one who has a hard time doing anything.

 

So while those circumstances aren't the same, I've been down that road where leaving seems like the best option. But when it comes to 2008, bad credit and evictions is far worse than putting up with a bunch of crap for a few more months.

 

We did speak last night and the deal is she can no longer use the car. Never. I tried to refinance the car only in my name and I'll see how that goes. She has to pay me 500 bucks a month in rent if she still wants to stay here. And we will get divorced. If she doesn't pay me she'll be out on the street or I'll leave and we'll sign some form saying I'm off the lease. Not sure if she'll actually come through but we'll see. First time she is due to pay me is middle of Jan. While it's not much and it'll be a pain.... if she's only here when I'm not around and she's always over somebody elses house... I can live with that. It hurts now but I'm beyond the point of liking her anymore. I can move on if the only thing she's doing is sticking around until the divorce is final and she can move in with this other guy or find a place on her own. Not the best option, but it's better for me this way in the long run then me running away from everything and then paying with horrible credit, repos, and an eviction for the next ten years. I can live with heartache for six months. I can't deal with horrible credit for ten years. Because horrible credit isn't just not getting a home or car or anything. It also might mean not getting a job because of it.

[Hurt_and_Stuck]

Hey, you gave me really harsh advice, but you were 100% correct in the things you said. I recommend that you take some of your own advice. It really sounds like your wife is over your relationship and has already moved on, but just hasn't left completely because she still needs your money and other resources. Take back your dignity and self-respect and move on with your life. Unless you're open to an open relationship, which it seems you're not, this will never go anywhere, so you might as well cut your losses and move on now before the pain is even worse. You're the one that told me that I shouldn't settle for being second choice, and I hate to break it to you, but that's exactly what you're doing. She is more interested in seeing the other guy and spending time with him than she is with you. You know about her seeing this other person, and you're accepting it. From your advice, I know that if you were thinking rationally, you would never accept such a behavior. I think you need to really search within yourself, and find out what you, under normal circumstances, would be willing to accept and what would be too much. It sounds like you're broken hearted and confused and willing to compromise your standards. Don't forget what you believe in and what your standards are just because you're in a desperate situation. I think it's very easy to lose yourself a little in these situations and forget what's important to you, so just make sure you keep that in mind before you settle for anything less than your worth.

[mark982]

you have nothing to keep you there. total disrespect here. just up and go or toss her out.but do cut off her $$$ supply.

[peteyj]

I'm over her.. Yeah it still hurts but I look at her as nothing more than a you know what... She goes out with a different guy every night now.. Or girl sometimes... But she still dates this other guy.. her bf.... We are getting divorced, papers signed and all... But she's not moving out until the lease is up.....And I'm not going to get screwed over doing that crap by moving out and her never paying...$2K per month and six months is $12K plus lawyer fees and so on....To get out of my lease early it's like 3 months rent and loss of deposit....Too much lost money..... So most of the time she's never around.. She rarely gets back by 7am when I leave for work and many times she's not even home at 5pm when I get home... .. Sometimes she's home in the evenings for a few hours but I go to happy hour, to the gym, to the book store, to ninjutsu class and so on... So I rarely see her the few moments she's at the apartment..... It's almost like it's her address and storage place but she's never here.... That might change once she gets a job, but who knows.. .

 

I am done with everything.. I have no desire to ever see her or talk to her again once this is all over. We have no kids so nothing that will force us to keep in touch.. I'll be civil and I'm not going to be mean or say harsh things about her....but at this point I hate her more than anything else.... It's almost like the past few years were meaningless to her...Yet she still wants to be friends with me.. Yeah ok....

 

And even with all her guy friends and bf.... Her old crappy car broke down yesterday and the first person she called to help her out was me... I told her why the hell was she calling me... We aren't together anymore.

 

I just want the next few months to be over with so I never have to see her again. I can't be friends with her. I can't stand her. I can't stand her bf either. He knew she was married when he continued to not only sleep with her but date her like I didn't exist......He only backed off not to hang with her as much when he found out I knew who he was and where he lived. But they still hang out and talk... But they never talk on the phone.. Just texting and messaging....

 

I'm gonna just accept it for what it is....I just feel like the last six years (3+ married) were a waste of time with her. Wasted 6 years of my life for her.

[pelicanpreacher]

At this point you should go all out to make life uncomfortable for her to remain in your residence. If she states she didn't like your "controlling" behavior before then turn up the heat until she yowls like a scalded cat! Make sure she get "0" financial support while in your stead and that includes food for the refrigerator and cupboards. Make it abundantly clear that your residence is "yours" and she is only to consider it a place of storage until the lease is up. You are to cut off the phone, internet, cable, and anything else that she can soak up as a luxury of living with you. If need be, go wireless and set up all of these luxuries for your room only without her knowledge and live unto yourself. To put a nail in the coffin, the next time she flakes at being nice tell her in no uncertain terms that there is no reason for her to maintain a facade for you don't know her and don't want to know her ... as a matter of fact, if you could dig a hole and throw her in it you'd be tamping dirt over her right now! Even though you live in a no-fault state you haven't been married long enough for her to obtain alimony for it normally takes a marriage duration of 10 years or more to attain that. She doesn't have leverage or a leg to stand on in this divorce. You know it and she knows it so let her stew in her new harsh reality and dread the day she has to truly make it on her own!