upside down Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 I think I should explain the situation first, I try not to make you all fall asleep reading this! My wife and I have been married for nearly two years and we have a wonderful son who is nearly 2 also. Our relation began long distance and was quite intese then due to a change of circumstances a few months later, she had to move out of her house. We decided she should move in with me see how what happens e.t.c., it was a big move for her the country girl to move to the big city. Shortly after the move (5 or so months), we found out she was pregnant and although a little shocked I really enjoyed the prospect of becoming a father. This meant having to change my fast paced, adrenalin fueled life style, but it was something I didn't mind doing. Not long before the birth of our son the arguements started, they got really bad and I caught her texting and calling an ex "bed partner" (she sent me a text meant for him by mistake). After a big arguement, she decided to move in with her parents... but came back the next day proclaiming she really loved me and wanted it to work. Skip forward to birth of our child and we both couldn't have been happier, our son perfect and my career started to blossom (pay rises and promotions). Sadly, she had to return to work after the maternity pay was gone as she had massive debts when we met and needed to pay them off. Things were still going very well and we got married when our son was three months old. We decided to move house, bigger and better area etc and then the real problems started... she became incresingly arguementative and short fuesd, but I dealt with it thinking it was just a rough spot. However things got worse, really bad arguements mostly due her thinking I was looking at other women (which I wasn't btw). Our bed time "relations" at this point started to get worse too, she then claimed she'd fallen out of love with me and blamed me for changing her in to the bad person she had become. I took this quite badly as I've always been very mild in manner. We moved house again and the arguements are just going on and on. Then last night I caught her looking at female porn, the female thing was not a supprise as she had been in relationships with women before we got together. But she said was over that "stage" of her life, but I now get the feeling she could be cheating her best friend. They constantly text each other and often go out to bars together. We are taking steps to improve the arguing, but her jealously and temper are so bad that she makes problems where none existed. I'm a little unsure of what to do, I really love my son and wife but I get the feeling she just doesn't care anymore and could be cheating. I often feel like I'm just being paranoid but what can I do to find out the truth without following her around?
Diamonds&Rust Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 Change your post into a letter. Leave out the parts about you.
whichwayisup Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 One thing and I hate to say it, but get a paternity test to make sure your son is yours. Your wife seems immature and not wife material (yet), it's like she has abandoned her duties as a wife and a mom. Going out all the time, leaving you and your son..It's one thing to have fun with friends once in a while, but continuious? Nope.. Is she willing to do marriage counselling?
Mr. Lucky Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 We decided she should move in with me see how what happens e.t.c., it was a big move for her the country girl to move to the big city. We decided to move house, bigger and better area etc and then the real problems started... We moved house again and the arguements are just going on and on. You are both thinking and acting like single people. Three moves in two years? Marriage is about stability and providing a structured environment for your child. It's not about hanging in bars, moving "house" like a college student and petty jealousies. As WWIU suggested, MC would certainly help get you two on the same page... Mr. Lucky
Diamonds&Rust Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 One thing and I hate to say it, but get a paternity test to make sure your son is yours. Your son is yours by virtue of you taking care of him. If you're the kind of person who needs their chromosomes inside a kid in order to consider a child theirs, you certainly lack the maturity to be called a father.
Davey McG Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 Your son is yours by virtue of you taking care of him. If you're the kind of person who needs their chromosomes inside a kid in order to consider a child theirs, you certainly lack the maturity to be called a father. I kinda disagree. If he entered into a relationship with a woman who had a kid and he decided to treat the kid as his own, then that is very admirable and a sign of maturity. He would have made the decision for himself. If the woman lied to him about the paternity, cheated and then he still decided to be the father and pay the associated money, raise him etc, that makes him a chump. I don't think its immature to want your chromosomes in your child or to be angry about it if you'd been lied to. Luckily we don't know this is the case so I think the OP should get a DNA test to make sure.
jwi71 Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 It sounds like you two moved in together and didn't fully know the other. I mean a LDR jumping to straight to living together jumping straight to pregnancy then marriage is a relationship at warp speed. It, to me, sounds like you two jumped in feet first without truly knowing one another. I think you two could benefit from both MC and IC. Would you be willing to go?
Diamonds&Rust Posted December 16, 2008 Posted December 16, 2008 Davey McG, I stand by what I said. Anyone who thinks like you should never have kids until they grow up. A child is not an expression of genetic vanity, nor should they be held emotionally responsible for their mother's indiscretions, which is exactly what you're suggesting.
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