californiadreaming Posted December 14, 2008 Posted December 14, 2008 Okay so my heart is pounding, I am completely lost right now. If you all know my situation help asap, If you all don't know read up and reply. Ok, now the text I got is not good, but it is not bad. Here is the situation. My ex bought a car in her name for me almost 3 years ago. I have paid for the car with the exception of maybe 4x, Last month I was not able to pay for the car, and she paid it. She knows I am not working, and am kinda iffy with the payment because I ran out of savings last month. But, because GW Bush gave us a second extension I now have the car payment for months. Here is what her text message said. "I sorry but I am still not ready 2 talk 2 u. I need to know if u can help me with anything 4 the car?" Now, the car payment is due on the 26th, I just sent out my claim and the check will be here by next weekend, So the money is not a issue. My question is, I understand she is not ready to talk, but I feel that me showing the responsibilty to pay for the car is a first step, and I know it will show that I am trying. If you read my old post I highlighted this. I know my ex, and I know that this one thing can either ruin or make a second chance. How should I reply to her?, How long should I wait?, She I wait til she physically calls? or what should I do? Help asap!
Dmoney28 Posted December 14, 2008 Posted December 14, 2008 Hey whats up Cali first off, DO NOT call her. Reply with a txt. Tell her you are going to take care of the car payment, and for her not worry about it. I think at this point she just wants to know if you are going to be a man of your word and take care of it. Do not mistake this as what some people call "premature reconciliation". Just tell her you'll take care of it...nothing else, maybe throw in a "hope you are well"...a statement that dosent require a response...therefore no hurt feelings if she dosent call back. Consider this a first baby step in proving your self a better person....please do not try and express your ever dying love and devotion to her...it will scare her off. she is not ready to talk....which means at some point she will be....do not screw up this possible conversation in the future by jumping the gun and violating her request of space and time...just my 2 pennies. Good luck
Author californiadreaming Posted December 14, 2008 Author Posted December 14, 2008 She just called from a restricted number, and I didn't answer, she left a message, she sounded normal, kinda sad, she sounded like she was home, this is what she said in the message: " Hi, Its me, I sent you a text, and got no response, so I decided to call and see if you could help me out with the car this month, when you get this messgae can you please give me a call back." wtf? if she didn't want to talk wouldn't it be easier to text the answer? and she texted me then called me 20min later from a restricted number.. doesn't sh seem a little pushy now? The car payment isn't due until the 26th, why is she contacting me so early? It is not like she has to prepare for the payment by saving up. She makes a shi* load of money and could easily pay the payment. sounds like someone is giving in? what should I do?
Geishawhelk Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 text back: "Will send payment in time for due date". She's making sure you'll pay up, because it's Christmas. She has gifts to buy, and doesn't want to leave herself short, in case you don't pay up. She sounded kinda sad, because she was hoping she wouldn't have to actually CALL you to get a response. Don't read any more into it than that. That way, you won't give yourself ammunition to shoot yourself in the foot with.
Dmoney28 Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 Dont try to read into things that may or may not be there. If you call try doing what i left in your past post about phone conversation. Just let her know you'll take care of the car payment and for her not to worry about it. If she wants to talk more...cool. Let her lead the conversation...answer any questions she may have...and for god sake, do not come off needy or desperate. And do not bring up the relationship...let her if she choses to. Keep it short as possible. A long conversation might result in negative speech regarding your previous behaviour
Author californiadreaming Posted December 15, 2008 Author Posted December 15, 2008 Dont try to read into things that may or may not be there. If you call try doing what i left in your past post about phone conversation. Just let her know you'll take care of the car payment and for her not to worry about it. If she wants to talk more...cool. Let her lead the conversation...answer any questions she may have...and for god sake, do not come off needy or desperate. And do not bring up the relationship...let her if she choses to. Keep it short as possible. A long conversation might result in negative speech regarding your previous behaviour Ok, so should I call or text? Which is more powerful in the long run? Also should I wait a few hours or do it now?
Author californiadreaming Posted December 15, 2008 Author Posted December 15, 2008 text back: "Will send payment in time for due date". She's making sure you'll pay up, because it's Christmas. She has gifts to buy, and doesn't want to leave herself short, in case you don't pay up. She sounded kinda sad, because she was hoping she wouldn't have to actually CALL you to get a response. Don't read any more into it than that. That way, you won't give yourself ammunition to shoot yourself in the foot with. Not that it matters, but this woman has Christmas covered, and way more then enough money in one pay check to cover the car.
Dmoney28 Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 Baby steps. Me personally, i just replied with a txt when my ex txt'd me. It just seem more appropriate. That way i wasNT comming off all desperate and needy. I kept it short and sweet....throw in a "take care" at the end, letting her know i didnt require a txt back.
Author californiadreaming Posted December 15, 2008 Author Posted December 15, 2008 Baby steps. Me personally, i just replied with a txt when my ex txt'd me. It just seem more appropriate. That way i wasNT comming off all desperate and needy. I kept it short and sweet....throw in a "take care" at the end, letting her know i didnt require a txt back. I felt like the call option would have been the best bet because I wanted her to hear my confidence. The good thing is she did not answer the phone, so I left a message and said: " Hi, I got your call, and yes I will be able to help you out with the car payment this month, next month, and forever on after that. The car payment is nothing you will ever have to worry about, I hope all is well, bye bye. Was that good?
IcemanJB Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 I think you did the right thing. Short, simple, and hopefully without much emotion. Now the hard part will be not letting this contact bug you...
2sunny Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 then send her the payment immediately. also, get the car put into your own name so you don't have this tangled mess any further. along with the insurance for the vehicle. doesn't matter if she has money or not - this is not her responsibility or hers to have to worry about. it's yours - so take care of it like a man should. when you take care of the needed paperwork - all of this nonsense won't be needed between the two of you.
D-Lish Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 " Hi, Its me, I sent you a text, and got no response, so I decided to call and see if you could help me out with the car this month, when you get this messgae can you please give me a call back." Sounds like she is anxious that because you missed last month that she is going to be stuck with looking after things...again! wtf? if she didn't want to talk wouldn't it be easier to text the answer? and she texted me then called me 20min later from a restricted number.. doesn't sh seem a little pushy now? No... she seems worried she has to make your car payment over the x-mas holidays. I know I would be. Do you have the car right now or does she? The car payment isn't due until the 26th, why is she contacting me so early? It is not like she has to prepare for the payment by saving up. She makes a shi* load of money and could easily pay the payment. Are you for real? sounds like someone is giving in? what should I do? Sounds like someone is frustrated and doesn't want to make your car payment for you again. What should you do? Text her and tell her you'll take care of it.
Dmoney28 Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 yeahhhh...the contact is going to be the hardest thing to deal with. Its like a virus. Over the week it will spread into most of yur thoughts. You'll analyze every word and context of the voice mail. Just stay strong and keep your sanity.
Author californiadreaming Posted December 15, 2008 Author Posted December 15, 2008 She called me back, we spoke for 43 minutes. My emotions are weird right now, I am mixed with happy emotions because I know this woman loves me. And sad, because I know she is hurting really bad right now. God please forgive me for the pain I inflected on this woman. - " I will call you so we can figure out the car payment situation, Talk to you soon" Those were her last words.
Geishawhelk Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 Oh good grief, here we go again.......!
BikerBeagle Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 Oh good grief, here we go again.......!Don't you love trying to help people who clearly are NOT LISTENING?
hopefulInFuture Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 I am sorry, I don't want to be harsh on you but I read after your previous thread I thought that you really treated this girl as bad as anybody could. If she still loves you, you're really lucky. I think it's very hard for her to trust you considering the experience she's had with you. And I really hope for you and for her that you really understood all the bad you've done and that you would not play again with her feelings. Are you really sure you love her? I, personally, don't think that someone who loves can behave like this. So, please do her a favor and think well about what your feelings are. Maybe, you don't even love her as much as you think now you do because you think you lost her. What if you get back together, how long your good behaviour would last? Honestly, I think that if you love someone, if you love them enough, once you hurt them so much, you should let them go and pray for them that they will be happy again even if with someone else. If you have clearly thought out your feelings and you're sure about your love towards this girl, just tell her that you love her and that you're sorry to have made her suffer so much. And that you hope that she will be happy one day and that she will be able to forgive you for what you've done. And then let her go. Let her find her her own road to happiness. And if you're lucky and she can still forgive you, I hope you will really be able to treat her right this time.
lonelygurl Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 Do not call or respond. Do you want to be used?? Is it not up to her now how to figure out how to pay for the car?? Since you are no longer together. If you have any legal/money ties together I suggest you get that taken care of ASAP. My XHusband declared bankruptcy to avoid paying his share, therefore, I had to go bankrupt as well....messy stuff.
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