Kamille Posted December 17, 2008 Posted December 17, 2008 I'm afraid I can't tomorrow, as I'm busy. If you'd asked yesterday, I could have slotted in a wedding today. Hang on though. It's Wednesday today, right? That's okay then. I can marry you on Saturday. :lmao: As to movingonandon's last post: dude, we all have days when we're on or off, guy or girl - so I perfectly understand! And sometimes, on those off-days cheering men up and flirting isn't my first priority.
Ruby Slippers Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 OK enough of the dry science stuff.. but it makes total sense. Funny how things change ... 'cougars' go after what they want. They've been through all the other things and just wanna have some fun. I agree. If all I wanted were sex, I'd have no problem going after exactly the guy I wanted to have sex with. I mean, it would be stupidly easy to get what I wanted (same is true for most women). Because I want more than that, his pursuit is just one piece of evidence in a larger series that shows me he wants me for more than just sex, that he intends to invest in the relationship.
Isolde Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 To an extent it is the man's job. It depends though on what you mean by pursue... It is the guy's job to set up the first and second dates in my opinion. And to kiss the girl first, and to let her know he's into her enough to go for a third date... and then, from that point on, it should be even and the girl should start calling. If by pursue you mean relentlessly call her until she says yes, well, then, I don't think either sex should "pursue."
Isolde Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 I agree. If all I wanted were sex, I'd have no problem going after exactly the guy I wanted to have sex with. I mean, it would be stupidly easy to get what I wanted (same is true for most women). Because I want more than that, his pursuit is just one piece of evidence in a larger series that shows me he wants me for more than just sex, that he intends to invest in the relationship. I agree with this. I'm not shy about pursuing guys per se, and if all I wanted was sex or a fling I would have no problem pursuing him. However since I want a relationship, I'm VERY wary of going after someone who's shown no sign of true interest. I really, really think that men tend to go after what they want--it's really not hard, and it's bound to bring them more success than being passive. If a guy thinks pursuing doesn't work for him, being passive would be even less successful. Women SHOULD do their part by showing enough interest to let a guy know she's interested. Ex. enthuastically responding to his phone calls or writing long emails or suggesting things to do on the next date. In this way it's pretty even. I just think the guy should initiate at the beginning.
GoodOnPaper Posted December 18, 2008 Posted December 18, 2008 I really, really think that men tend to go after what they want--it's really not hard, and it's bound to bring them more success than being passive. It sounds like you are picturing a man you would be interested in as opposed to a representative sample of the male population. When you learn that you are not what women appear to be interested in, it can certainly call into question whether pursuing is worthwhile. Going after what we want can turn into going after what we think we can get and it spirals downward from there. That being said, you are probably still right about this . . . If a guy thinks pursuing doesn't work for him, being passive would be even less successful.
Rubix718 Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 In the past I would tend to agree that the man should step up. But seeing as the entire world has grown from a man's world to a more level playing field...jobs, rights, custody of kids, stress...etc etc. I'd actaully say if you like a guy and he isn't all gung ho persuing you then get off your heinie and get him! Never ceases to amaze me how women state all the things they wish men would be but forget that men has his own needs and maybe wants the same or simlar from a woman. There are great guys who are shy out there. First woman to discover them wins!! Some men are have been fed up with rejection...first woman to persue them wins!! etc etc. You get the point. In this day and age of women not being Susie Homemaker I'd say then play the game equally as a man is expected to play. The main reason I feel women do not do this is because men have dealt with far more rejection in this arena than women when you crunch the numbers and so women aren't wanting or feel incapable of dealing with rejection. Funny story to drive this home. I had a best friend who's GF was wanting to break up with him to gain freedom and a whole laundry list of things she was "needing". Was most likely another man. So before she actually built up the nerve to do it he bit his lip and broke the whole thing off. Now she is wanting to come back bad. Why? Because she was rejected. Rejection does a funny thing to anyone..man or woman. Suddenly because HE broke things off with her she feels this need or dersire to come back and for him to "want her". Such a weird concept. Great post. I wholeheartedly agree. It amazes me how some of the women in here rationalize their reasons for not being active pursuers themselves. We've heard everything from the arguement of "genetics" to the "that's the way it has always been" talk. Things change, society changes and people change. If we ever returned to the holistic approach to "tradition", then I don't think women would be in a better position in our society in this day and age. Personally, I think that it should be a two way street. Anyone who doesn't initiate contact when they have a serious interest in someone is doing themselves a diservice by limiting their options. But then again, some people would rather put themselves through that than risk rejection. I pursue and I've been pursued. I like it that way. I can create choices and I can also allow them to naturally gravitate towards me. That way, I am utilizing every opportunity that presents itself.
Rubix718 Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 Yeah who "pursues" is irrelevant if pursuit is your bag, I always thought it was two way traffic not one way persuasion, at least that's how it works for me.quote] I'm the same way. I can pursue her, but if the interest isn't reciprocated instantaneously, I lose interest myself and move on. If I were to do otherwise, I'd feel like I was wasting my time and money.
Lizzie60 Posted December 21, 2008 Posted December 21, 2008 I think that, nowdays, it's not just the men's job to pursue.. If a woman wants someone... she has to go for it.. otherwise.. she might miss on the love of her life.. I never had any problems 'pursuing' if I felt like it.. and I never got a 'no' for an answer.. in most cases though, men pursued me.. some were successful.. some weren't..
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