spike7165 Posted December 14, 2008 Posted December 14, 2008 Hi Situation is split up with my gf a year ago, she cheated, thought the grass was greener. We were however both at fault, I was controlling, jealous etc. We have never stopped talking and seeing each other, I didnt want to stop seeing her and although it was highly painful at first we seem like we are now closer. She's for the first time admitting what she did wrong, apologizing and also I can see for myself she has matured and doesnt behave in the same crazy way she did before. I have recognized what I did and trying not to make those same mistakes. Anyway we just spent a weekend away together, unknown to the guy she lives with now, and it was pretty much mutually great. We could both see we had changed and although we see each other every week not for long enough to see the changes we have both made. She actually jokingly mentioned about future and marriage and then corrected herself. Problem is I guess that we are both scared, but we are best friends and still do have passion with each other but also she does need to leave him. I need to improve my financial situation to have some security in my life first. So if that wasnt enough to mess with my head, I came back home on the flight (domestic) and got chatting to an air hostess who gave me her phone number and wants to go for dinner! I'm scared and not really sure what to do, I'm happy now getting successful in what I am doing but I still do love her. But in a sensible way not head over heels, shes my best friend and I cant imagine life without her when we have both struggled to try and work through problems albeit separately. Then there are other women around who are interested now I am sorting myself out. What to do....
johan Posted December 14, 2008 Posted December 14, 2008 She cheated on you, and now she lives with some other guy. But she sneaks around with you. And you've just had a weekend together. And you have your eye on someone else. Brilliant! I see great happiness in your future.
Author spike7165 Posted December 14, 2008 Author Posted December 14, 2008 Maybe that didnt come out the way I meant.... We both made mistakes, she left and we both discovered we had a connection we couldnt break. She discovered also that the grass isnt greener. My point being when two people acknowledge their mistakes, have clearly changed and are potentially at the start of trusting and loving each other again should I take that step... I havent been looking for anyone else, it was a nice ego boost to have another woman interested in me. Im just confused because we have both changed and I can feel myself being attached to her again when I sorted my head out but not sure I should go down that road...
johan Posted December 14, 2008 Posted December 14, 2008 All the things you mention are possible. It seems to be a little disingenuous for her to claim regrets about her past mistakes while she's in the process of doing exactly the same thing to someone else. Here's a scenario you can't be sure won't occur: she'll come back to you, but sneak around on you with him, and give him hope that she's in the process of changing and learning. Do you want her or do you want someone you can actually trust? I understand the need to patch old wounds by winning back the person who wounded you. But it doesn't work that way. Once you settle back in, the reality of who you're with hits you (and her).
Author spike7165 Posted December 14, 2008 Author Posted December 14, 2008 It is a little bit messed up, she has basically never stopped seeing me, we split up and she moved out but we never had any break from stopping seeing each other. So I see your point but on some level we have never broken the connection. He has never at any point had her 100%. Im 34 and world wise and know that is possible, she does genuinely seem to have changed though, not just words but actions as well. I would be the first to agree that just taking someone or even thinking about a future and not even fixing mistakes is crazy. Thats whats got my head messed up I guess. I was doing good and even though I was seeing her it was at arms length for short periods of time, then we go away and spend 72 hours straight together and both of us surprisingly in some ways realise the good time we had and the changes we have both made, not 100% and not fear free but a pleasant good time. Thats worried and excited me, because I guess I had got to the point where having her as a friend albeit one with occasional benefits was something I was good with, I was happy to have her in my life but had got over her enough not to need her in my life all the time, just some of it. Now we had a great time and we both can see changes in each other, Im feeling old emotions and missing her again and its scaring me. On one hand, if we have both changed, we could be great, forever great seriously I know that if these changes are for real and things move forward so she feels comfortable to live with me again and on the other hand if its not for real I am back to square 1 feelings wise by mentally comitting to her again. I didnt think people could change but maybe a year of someone else and if I am to believe her a lot of arguing has made her more mature and has actually changed her, I dont know!
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