sj9ers Posted December 14, 2008 Posted December 14, 2008 So me and my ex met at work at our lifeguard job over the summer and we were together for two months. She was happy for the most part it seemed, but told our mutual friends she was always use to dating jerks and players and wasn't use to dating a guy like me someone who would always try to make her happy. Well the last time I saw her before the breakup she was fine, but then a week later she dumped me which was September 7th. Before we broke up she told one of my friends who told me that she really wasn't sure if she wanted to break up with me or if she wanted me as a bf or friend and that she still liked me but was getting kind of bored with things and wanted to keep me as a friend because something might develop later. Well after she dumped me she told me not to call or text her and that she would call me when she was ready. Well after a month and a half of NC I missed her greatly and emailed her saying basically that maybe we rushed into things before we got to know each other more and that maybe we should be just friends and she emailed me back saying that she did want to be friends. Well since then I've hung out with her once at a hangout with friends which was awkward because it was my first time seeing her and were emailing and texting after still. But the last time she texted or contacted me was November 30th and when she did we were texting for like half an hour then she just stopped and ignored my texts even though she was the one that initiated the contact. I tried texting her again a few days later and nothing. During our contact we haven't ever talked about us getting back together even though I want to, but I don't know how to bring it up. I think she was feeling things out the last time I saw her at the end of October, but I screwed that up and through this whole thing I haven't really acted or said anything to indicated that I still have feelings for her and want to try things again. And part of me thinks feels that shes moved on because I did that and she thinks I'm not interested anymore and has given up on me. I want to send her an email just saying that I want to talk about things and that I miss her. And even if she does say something that she only sees me as a friend I think this is the only way I could get closure on the whole thing and move on because I still think about her and I just want to know if that's it and were done for good.
Angel1111 Posted December 14, 2008 Posted December 14, 2008 If she broke up with you, then she should be the one to make the attempt to fix things. I think you need to just calm down and get control of yourself before you do anything. And then don't do anything. If she said she wants to be friends, then leave it at that for now. If she ignored you, then let her be the one to resume conversation and don't be too quick to respond. Usually the problem in situations like this is that the woman has lost respect for the guy and when she treats you crappy, don't reinforce that disrespect by acting like a puppy dog. If she doesn't value the love you gave her, then you need to make it clear to her (without saying a word) that you have more self-respect than to continue giving it to someone who doesn't appreciate it. I'm usually the first one to tell a guy to go after the girl. But in this case, I'm not going to suggest that because of the things she has done. It's my guess that if you ignore her, it will make her nuts because she doesn't expect you to do that. If you do that, I can pretty much guarantee you that you'll be hearing from her. But even then, you need to tread carefully. There's no quicker death to a relationship than when a woman has lost respect for a man. You need to make sure you act in a way that commands respect. Going mushy over a girl who dumps you and then ignores you is not the way to do that. Silence is a very powerful thing that is too often underestimated. Use it.
Author sj9ers Posted December 14, 2008 Author Posted December 14, 2008 Well it is her birthday today and I was going to wish her happy birthday, but I'm not sure if I should.
samspade Posted December 14, 2008 Posted December 14, 2008 Usually the problem in situations like this is that the woman has lost respect for the guy and when she treats you crappy, don't reinforce that disrespect by acting like a puppy dog. If she doesn't value the love you gave her, then you need to make it clear to her (without saying a word) that you have more self-respect than to continue giving it to someone who doesn't appreciate it. Beautiful advice. She did get bored with you, dude. You sound kind of young. You don't need to be a jerk or a player, but you shouldn't be a "nice guy" either. The path to your own independence lies with you forgetting this girl and finding someone new, plain and simple.
Angel1111 Posted December 14, 2008 Posted December 14, 2008 I'm not necessarily saying that you need to let her go. If she comes back to you, then that's fine as long as you make sure you have stronger boundaries this time. The thing is, she doesn't expect you to ignore her or to walk away. She's expecting you to get all hurt about it and come crawling back to her. Which will only convince her further that you have no self-respect. What I'm suggesting is that you do something she doesn't expect so that she'll start to reconsider her opinion of you. Once that happens, don't be too quick to take her back. By your actions, by not being too quick to jump back in her life, you will send a different message that will get her respect. If you can't do that, you'll continue to lose respect from women. There's nothing wrong with being nice. But there's a lot wrong with being nice when the person has hurt you.
Author sj9ers Posted December 15, 2008 Author Posted December 15, 2008 Thanks Angel I calmed down and took your advice and didn't send her any birthday wishes (although I doubt that she would notice). I was also wondering since my Birthday is coming up on the 24th and if she wishes me a happy birthday should I acknowledge it or even Christmas for that matter since its the next day? She did wish me a happy thanksgiving.
BikerBeagle Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 IF she sends you a "happy birthday" or "merry christmas", simply reply back with a "thank you" ...and that's it.
hopefulInFuture Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 You both sound very young. The fact that she got bored with you because you treated her well sounds to me like she needs jerks in her life to feel alive and to have fun. Unfortunately, this is part of being young. I have been through this when I was younger that I liked guys who did not deserve me. It's part of growing up. Don't kill yourself over this girl and don't change for worse just because you had this one painful relationship. Trust me, nice guys win in the end. Because when we, girls, mature, we understand that nice guys are the ones we want to marry, but who knows why, when we are mature nice guys are just so diffucult to find... Take care of yourself and don't let her play with you. Move on with your life.
Angel1111 Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 IF she sends you a "happy birthday" or "merry christmas", simply reply back with a "thank you" ...and that's it. I totally agree with this.
Author sj9ers Posted January 3, 2009 Author Posted January 3, 2009 Well I was at a New Years party the other night with a bunch of our mutual friends and one of her best friends was there. Well I got pretty drunk and was making out with a girl that me and my ex knew with who was also drunk and my ex's best friend was right there and saw the whole thing. Well the making out with the girl meant nothing and just happened because we were drunk. Afterwards when I was still drunk I get to talking to my ex's best friend and the topic of my ex comes up and start telling her everything about how I don't know what to do about my ex because I don't know what she wants, and I start asking if my ex was seeing anybody or liked anybody (she said no) and how I'm tired of waiting around for her and just a whole bunch of stuff about how I don't know if I want a relationship or just some girl and how I don't want to talk to my ex unless it's about us. Well then her friend told me that I was my ex's first legitimate boyfriend because I brought up the point that I don't want to be a jerk or hurt her like the other guys she's been with. She said that my ex did bring me up once about a month ago just to say that me and her were texting all day. Then she told me she would talk to my ex for me and that she might tell her about me and the other girl to get her jealous and that she would tell her to give me a call so we could talk. Honestly I didn't want this to happen. I hadn't heard from my ex for a couple weeks except for an xmas text and wasn't really expecting anything. So yesterday she texts me and asks about the girl. So I told her that I was pretty drunk and it didn't mean anything and she goes on to say thats a hell of a way of showing that I wanted her back. Then I got mad kept on telling her it didn't mean anything and said some stuff about how she shouldn't be jealous since we haven't been together for 4 months unless she still had feelings for me to which she replied basically that she didn't care about what I did and the only reason she brought it up was because I mentioned her and how it's obvious that I still had feelings for her. I tried to keep asking why she kept on bringing it up if she didn't care and said I was drunk and I don't really remember anything and then she said ok bye have a nice life. Then I said so that's it I'm out of your life just like that and she said "Its not like I want you in it CUZ you haven't been in it for a while. and the real you comes out when your drunk". Then half an hour later I felt bad and texted her that some of the stuff i said during New Years was true and told her the girl was nothing again and that I didn't want her to hear about it because the last thing I would want to is see her get hurt and that she still meant something to me. Then I told her to tell me what I was to her and if I'm not anything to just tell me. And she never replied. I don't know what to do now. I was going to apologize for saying all that stuff and ask her to just talk, but now I'm just really confused about what to do.
Geishawhelk Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 Why don't people listen? GO NO CONTACT!! Don't you get it? She's mad with you because of your jerky behaviour, but she doesn't want anything to do with you ever again! GO NO CONTACT!! Sever all ties, don't get in touch with her, don't text her, don't write to her, don't try tlking to her, don't hope, don't wish... Delete her from your 'phone, delete her from your PC, deleter her from your life. No good, no go, no dice no hope NO CONTACT!! Clear enough for you now?
darnay Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 GO NO CONTACT!! Sever all ties, don't get in touch with her, don't text her, don't write to her, don't try tlking to her, don't hope, don't wish... Delete her from your 'phone, delete her from your PC, deleter her from your life. No good, no go, no dice no hope NO CONTACT!! Clear enough for you now? Geishawhelk, I love you!! You saved my life last year with your advice x
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