notanymore Posted December 14, 2008 Posted December 14, 2008 It's hard to explain why I am writing...I guess I just need some advice or just some reinforcement. Backgroud: Last Dec. I met this guy who attends grad school with me, things progressed rather quickly I won't call him the love of my life because that is most irrelevant. Anyway, although there was a lot of chemestry between us, I feel like we had a very intense relationship in that when things were good,they were GREAT but when they were bad sheesh, they were awful. In May, he decided that he didn't want to see me anymore. I was hurt (that word does not do justice to how I truley felt). We kept in contact until July, at which pont all we were doing was fighting and I decided to go no contact (he didn't try to contact me at all during this time so I think this was a mutual decision). During this time, I tried my best to heal from this. I scoured these forums for advice and basically tried to come to terms with the fact that we wouldn't be together. I also confronted somethings that bothered me about our "relationship" majorily, he NEVER really wanted to see me outside of school. Like we'd hand out all the time on campus but when it came to doing something like going somewhere for the weekend...he'd always be to busy...and it got to the point where I stopped asking because I was tired of hearing I can't. 53 days later school started and I decided to contact him, mainly because I didn't want there to be awkwardness when we eventually saw each other. In retrospect this might not have been such a great idea because I wasn't even close to over him. None-the-less we remained in limited contact (emailing/ g-chat sessions for the first two months, later a few scattered text messages, and we got together for coffee twice). Honestly, although my feelings for him were still very strong, I had recently come to the realization that is was time for me to let go truely. And I would "fake it until I make it". So even though in the later months the emails and texts and g-chat had become MUCH more frequent, I was still resolved to not get any ideas of graduer. This was working for me (I am usually super emotional and I ALWAYS share how I feel, so for me to just "lie" like I don't love him when I do was quite the fete). Well, we go into a fight the other day about him lying to me and then calling me crazy (even after I showed him proof of the lie). This infuriated me so much that I said I hated him (lol) and that I never want to see him again. I meant this bec I feel like, lying is one thing, but when you try to make someone feel bad about YOUR lie, thats a whole nother (he could have just kept lying and this wouldn't have bothered me as much...but calling me crazy hit a nerve lol). After emailing back and forth he starts telling me how he was previously feeling "why aren't we together?" Which I called BS, and said he is trying to manipulate me. To which he said he's not trying to manipulate me but he was actually going to ask me to hang out soon (presumably after our fight he is not). This bothers me to NO end. If you were going to ask me to hang out...what was stopping you? Or maybe a better question is...what were you waiting for? For us to get into an argument so that you could say you were going to but now you aren't??? The point is, I feel...weak for him again. Almost like I need to be on my best behavior so we can hang out. I just want to go back to how I was thinking before he said this mess. Any tips?? Thanks.
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