mitsubro Posted December 14, 2008 Posted December 14, 2008 hey guys, im new to the forums but need some opinions I’m 22 and been having a blast with my girlfriend for 4 months. She’s 19 and a legit model blonde that is on her way to becoming a doctor. She pays for almost everything, I try to pay but she just yells at me when I do even though I have a great paying job. She is also always down to participate in my adrenaline junkie ways. However, there are some issues. She had been raped when she was 16 (by her BF at the time) and had an abortion because of it, She became bulimic because she felt that I was skinner than her (Mind you that I’m 6 foot athletic 167 and she’s 5’10 122), She at times would be anorexic so that way she can look good and impress my friends and she used to cut herself in her private area (no permanent damage was done) as a result of being mad when she was in another earlier relationship. Now, when we first started, we had agreed to be open and honest with everything which was the reason she told me all her issues. However, when the issue of how many people we’ve been with popped up, I hid the fact that this was my first relationship, instead I told her that I’d had been in other relationships. For three months as she kept asking about my past hookups, I kept lying to her and make up stories. At one point I had forgotten some of the details and she caught me but still I would not tell her the truth. Finally, I got tired of the lies and told her the truth. At first she didn’t believe me at all for certain reasons. Anyway, I apologized and assured her that now that she knows, no more lies. She was so happy, thanking god, not mad at all, etc. However, week and half later, it hits her that I’ve lied to her for the past 4 months and she now has no trust in me. Moreover, she questions my love for multiple reasons and states that she doesn’t know who I really am which I find to be complete bull. She offers me a month policy where I can sleep with whom ever and still be with her to see if I am really in love with her, I don’t accept since if I wanted to do that, I would have before I met her. But she continues to offer the policy. As for her questioning my love, she argues that when you are in love with somebody, you don’t lie to them (I know she’s lied to me but I made no big deal of them). Also she notes I cannot be in love because I haven’t been in love before, that I am infatuated, (even though I’ve been infatuated before and this was stronger) and that because I fell in love with the new nice, polite girl, she wonders if I would have loved her in her past when she was an evil, game playing bitch. Now she wants to take a break, be friends, so she can get to know who I really am, I try to get her to understand that I’m still the same person that she supposedly fell in love with herself but I've had no success. On a side note: She had said during the relationship that I was her soulmate, her future husband in which the day before she wanted to take a break, she asked ME to marry her-I said maybe when I’m 30 but not now. She wont let her past stay in the past-she still feels guilty for being a huge bitch to one of her ex’s. She wants to go back to her younger years when she had no responsibilities, did drugs, and would get in trouble without consequences. Moreover, She would complain that I never call her even though she calls me, no joke, EVERY two hours from the time she gets up till she goes to sleep. What am I supposed to do, call every other hour? Also, she had gained two pounds and started an argument on how I didn’t notice, and other stupid little arguments. Anyway I don't know what to do now. Should i be her friend? I still care about her and maybe want to try to get her some therapy. But at the same time is it worth all the drama and bouts of crazy?
D-Lish Posted December 14, 2008 Posted December 14, 2008 I'd wager that remaining entangled with her will bring you a life full of drama. She sounds incredibly needy and messed up. Not a great combination. Do you want a healthy relationship, or do you want to drive yourself crazy by trying to save this girl? I wouldn't put myself through it if I were you. I guess you have to decide whether she is worth the risk and trouble. So many red flags waving here...
crazy4you Posted December 19, 2008 Posted December 19, 2008 mitsubro.. I too went into a relationship where I hadn't been in one beforehand. At first I did the same thing, told her I had been a player before, built myself up...but in the end I just admitted to her that this was my first relationship and I had no clue what I was doing. She wasn't mad though, she found it cute. Anyway she offered me the same thing (sort of). Since I'd never kissed anyone before her, she let me kiss whoever I wanted so she would know I really liked her. I guess in a way its an assurance thing for women. She made me kiss a few of her friends and in the end we stayed together. We had some rough patches here and there (due to different reasons) and broke up once but we ended up getting back together and we love eachother.
Author mitsubro Posted December 22, 2008 Author Posted December 22, 2008 hey thanks guys, i no longer speak to the girl, theres been so much more craziness and its got out of hand. too much trouble even for a friend. but crazy4you...you said in your situation.. "Since I'd never kissed anyone before her, she let me kiss whoever I wanted so she would know I really liked her. I guess in a way its an assurance thing for women". im not understanding that assurance thing. if you really liked the person why would you actually go through with it? At the same time, my view is that if you love somebody, why in the world would you offer to let the person your in love with be with another person just so you can see if they still love you. seems like you would just be setting yourself up for hurt.
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