tidalwave Posted December 14, 2008 Posted December 14, 2008 ok here is the situation. i talked to someone for only 5 days and it has turned out to be a total mess. i met a girl on an online dating site on monday, we talked all night long took a 4 hour break to sleep, then talked for an hour more in the morning before both of us had to get to work. on tuesday she called 5 or 6 times, sent several text messages and asked me if i could meet her for drinks after work, of course i was too busy so couldn't. wednesday was the first time we met face to face: she came up to my job for about 25 mintues (she had her kids with her) and we talked and joked around. thursday we talked some more, she sent me a couple pictures of herself, some naughty (take the hint) and some nice. we made plans to go out on friday. we talked friday and an hour before we were supposed to do something i called her, got no response, sent her a text and got the same. i made other plans and didnt worry about it, but knew i was stood up. on saturday morning she called (like nothing ever happned) and said she wanted to meet me at the pancake house for breakfast, but i said i was busy (which i was) and couldnt - it was only a 30 sec. conversation and we never talked about her standing me up or whatever. i have her as a favorite on that dating site, and so does one other guy. he left her a testimonial the same night that her and i had plans. the kicker is that now when i visit her profile online she has these pictures up of her at a nightclub in the same city that guy is from (1 hr. 15 min. away from our city), wearing his hat, etc. i dont care about her dating someone else, but why did she go through all the trouble? i never called her first on any day, i always declined going out with her after work (mainly due to family commitments) and i dont believe in relationships so i wasnt hounding her for that either. why introduce me to her kids and waste so much time talking to me and make plans with me only to stiff me in the end? what's her deal? why did she call me the next day trying to meet for breakfast? was this a set up from the beginning? did she only want me to call her to make him jealous? does anyone think she might know someone i know and is trying to "get me" or embarrass me or something? when she stood me up i didnt call her. i havent called since. what do you guys think is going on?
fishtaco Posted December 14, 2008 Posted December 14, 2008 Ahh... the games that people play. It's extremely lame though that she lets you meet her kids this early on. To me that would earn negative points. Also like you said, it is expected that people multi-date, you haven't gone on the first official date yet, you can't expect her to hold you as the one and only. However, to cancel plans with you just to go on a date with someone else, then to post pictures where you could see them, that's a big warning sign - again earns negative points. What she should have done was either not make plans with you and suggest an alternate time because she already has a date with the other guy, or not make plans with the other guy to go on a date with you, if you two had made plans first. It's not that hard. One time slot, one guy, whoever gets in there first has it locked. No one is expecting any exclusivity, so just have some basic planning skills and this could have been avoided. So my guess is: 1) She's totally playing games with you. 2) She's stupid and flaky. She makes decisions and do things without thinking of the consequences. Either way, if you like to proceed, do it with caution, with one foot out the door and ready to bail, since she's stacking up on the negative points. She may regain those negative points by start acting sane, you never know. As for why, people do different things for different reasons. I've learned the hard way never to assume. Maybe she's lonely, maybe she needs to have some sort of human voice, maybe by making you waste your time it makes her feel she's worth something, maybe she's "getting you back" for always being busy (passive aggression alert), or maybe she's just flat out crazy. I always say this - when a woman shows you interest, there could be hundreds of possible motives, but only one of them is because she's genuinely interested. And it is the responsibility of the guy, to figure this out.
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 14, 2008 Posted December 14, 2008 There are a multitude of possibilities, here. I'm female and even I'm having a hard time decoding her. I agree with fishtaco about negative points for introducing the kiddos so early - she clearly cares more about herself than possibly confusing her kids. One thing that comes up is maybe the guy she went out with ranks like one point higher on her scale than you do and when he wanted to go out with her on the same night as your date, she decided to throw courtesy to the wind and stand you up. More negative points, there - no matter what the reason. There is NO excuse for not calling you. Maybe she was upset that you rejected her offers to go out (childish), and so decided to get you back by standing you up. After only 5 days of knowing someone and she's already playing games. She sounds like a winner. My take is that she's very immature. She wouldn't be worth my time. Move on to someone that actually has some freaking decency.
Angel1111 Posted December 14, 2008 Posted December 14, 2008 Taking her kids with her to meet a total stranger??? Sending suggestive photos after only knowing you for a few days??? Standing you up and not saying anything about it??? Well, unless you're actually looking for a brainless female who lives in the moral-free zone, you might want to remove her from your 'favorite' status and walk away completely.
Author tidalwave Posted December 14, 2008 Author Posted December 14, 2008 I always say this - when a woman shows you interest, there could be hundreds of possible motives, but only one of them is because she's genuinely interested. And it is the responsibility of the guy, to figure this out. that is outstanding advice. i like the 'but only one of them is because she's genuinely interested'. good stuff. i am not going to pursue anything with this woman anymore so i am not going to worry about what her motives are. i just don't like the fact that she wasted my time.
Author tidalwave Posted December 14, 2008 Author Posted December 14, 2008 There are a multitude of possibilities, here. I'm female and even I'm having a hard time decoding her. I agree with fishtaco about negative points for introducing the kiddos so early - she clearly cares more about herself than possibly confusing her kids. One thing that comes up is maybe the guy she went out with ranks like one point higher on her scale than you do and when he wanted to go out with her on the same night as your date, she decided to throw courtesy to the wind and stand you up. More negative points, there - no matter what the reason. There is NO excuse for not calling you. Maybe she was upset that you rejected her offers to go out (childish), and so decided to get you back by standing you up. After only 5 days of knowing someone and she's already playing games. She sounds like a winner. My take is that she's very immature. She wouldn't be worth my time. Move on to someone that actually has some freaking decency. the dumb thing is that i knew the whole meeting the kids thing was a red flag, but i tried to just ignore it. this woman has tried to contact me several times but i have not responded to her. this was just a lame situation that i should have never gotten myself mixed up in.
fishtaco Posted December 14, 2008 Posted December 14, 2008 that is outstanding advice. i like the 'but only one of them is because she's genuinely interested'. good stuff. i am not going to pursue anything with this woman anymore so i am not going to worry about what her motives are. i just don't like the fact that she wasted my time. That's why you don't place large bets until you're sure you have a good hand. But being the aggressor (if women pursue men they'd be faced with the same decisions), you always have to place your bets first. So you go one little step at a time. Throw in something-something, then watch for her to reciprocate. If she doesn't, don't throw in anything more significant until she does, or just let it fizzle away. Then you work on the other girls you're dating. This is why multi-dating is important. If everyone was honest, genuine, and considerate, multi-dating would not be necessary. But that's obviously not the case.
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