Author desertmoon Posted January 5, 2009 Author Posted January 5, 2009 I dont like shippy, He likes to insult people that he dosent know at all sometimes. he likes to give the some words judge them and laughing at them. And he likes to acting that he knows everything about the world. even whole universe. seems he belives he is so smart that know what the best part you missed in your life even dosent know you. and i am a Isociopath etc.. guess he trying to showing the whole world how smart he is.sort of like that he thinks he is a god. Maybe he dosent think that. But from his words, Bring me this idea. Sure,you will say you dont care what i think of you. I dont care either. I just dont like your talking way with this lady. hello notinthemood!, I don't think shippy knows the meaning of sociopath. He is quite irresponsible and careless when it comes to labeling people. Makes you kind of wonder if this is the reason or at least , part of the reason, why he is in the predicament he is now.....
Author desertmoon Posted January 5, 2009 Author Posted January 5, 2009 I can't believe I'm posting this...I guess I'll give this one more try... DM, if your daughter were to live as you are now - with all the same details, the cheating H, having an A, and whatever else you haven't shared - what advice would you give her? I would tell her to take care of herself first-to make peace with herself, to let go of people who cause her pain and by that I mean, do not hate them, just set them emotionally free , as you set yourself emotionally free from them. Emotions are volatile, fleeting, try not to make life and death decisions based on emotions. Understand that nobody is infallible but everybody has the capacity and the responsibility to rise above the pain. It is ok to succumb to want-be sure you have the strength to withstand the possible backlash....etc.etc.
shippy Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Sociopathy (a portmanteau from the English prefix '"socio-" meaning "society" + "psychopath" from the Greek "psyche" meaning "mind" and "páthos" meaning "suffering"; literally: "social-mental suffering ") is a loosely-defined psychological condition that may be used to refer to: A. Antisocial personality disorder "The essential feature for the diagnosis is a pervasive pattern of disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others that begins in childhood or early adolescence and continues into adulthood." Deceit and manipulation are considered essential features of the disorder. B. Dissocial personality disorder 1. Callous unconcern for the feelings of others and lack of the capacity for empathy. 2. Gross and persistent attitude of irresponsibility and disregard for social norms, rules, and obligations. 3. Incapacity to maintain enduring relationships. 4. Very low tolerance to frustration and a low threshold for discharge of aggression, including violence. 5. Incapacity to experience guilt and to profit from experience, particularly punishment. 6. Marked proneness to blame others or to offer plausible rationalizations for the behavior bringing the subject into conflict. 7. Persistent irritability. As in: “I don't think and care bf love me or not, he was just tool to comfort me. This question no sense to me.”
Author desertmoon Posted January 11, 2009 Author Posted January 11, 2009 Sociopathy (a portmanteau from the English prefix '"socio-" meaning "society" + "psychopath" from the Greek "psyche" meaning "mind" and "páthos" meaning "suffering"; literally: "social-mental suffering ") is a loosely-defined psychological condition that may be used to refer to: A. Antisocial personality disorder "The essential feature for the diagnosis is a pervasive pattern of disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others that begins in childhood or early adolescence and continues into adulthood." Deceit and manipulation are considered essential features of the disorder. B. Dissocial personality disorder 1. Callous unconcern for the feelings of others and lack of the capacity for empathy. 2. Gross and persistent attitude of irresponsibility and disregard for social norms, rules, and obligations. 3. Incapacity to maintain enduring relationships. 4. Very low tolerance to frustration and a low threshold for discharge of aggression, including violence. 5. Incapacity to experience guilt and to profit from experience, particularly punishment. 6. Marked proneness to blame others or to offer plausible rationalizations for the behavior bringing the subject into conflict. 7. Persistent irritability. As in: “I don't think and care bf love me or not, he was just tool to comfort me. This question no sense to me.” Ok, so now we know, you know how to use the dictionary ( what an extraordinary feat!)...perhaps you should also check on how psychiatrists make their diagnosis, I am pretty sure you will LEARN that it takes just a statement such as that one quoted above to call a person a sociopath---or even the many statements that person has shared on this board..but what do I know? I am not the one enrolled in a graduate program anyway, all I am saying is, you need to keep your "tone" and choice of words less agressive, surely not vile nor abusive--it's a poor reflection of you--not that you care, of course...
Mr. Lucky Posted January 11, 2009 Posted January 11, 2009 I would tell her to take care of herself first-to make peace with herself, to let go of people who cause her pain and by that I mean, do not hate them, just set them emotionally free , as you set yourself emotionally free from them. Emotions are volatile, fleeting, try not to make life and death decisions based on emotions. Understand that nobody is infallible but everybody has the capacity and the responsibility to rise above the pain. It is ok to succumb to want-be sure you have the strength to withstand the possible backlash....etc.etc. That's all you want for your daughter - that she manage the pain in her life? I wonder if that damaged perspective is what keeps you in your untenable situation? Mr. Lucky
Author desertmoon Posted January 12, 2009 Author Posted January 12, 2009 That's all you want for your daughter - that she manage the pain in her life? I wonder if that damaged perspective is what keeps you in your untenable situation? Mr. Lucky hmmmm....did you finish reading what I posted? or you just read the first two sentences or so? at any rate, what I really did was to answer the question directed at me by the previous poster. As to YOUR question, no, that's not "all I want for my daughter"- I want what every normal parent wants for her child, and probably more since I am Asian and we traditionally set a very high standard for our children as what is the stereotype -but none of that is as important as what she ultimately makes out of her life... "damaged perspective"? why is that? pray tell. Is it because I teach her it is not right to wallow in despair? to stay in a quagmire of pain? The each one of us while allowed to mourn and experience pain have the responsibility to ourselves to get over it?
Owl Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 "damaged perspective"? why is that? pray tell. Is it because I teach her it is not right to wallow in despair? to stay in a quagmire of pain? The each one of us while allowed to mourn and experience pain have the responsibility to ourselves to get over it? Is that what you're teaching her? Or are you teaching her to remain in a bad situation, and to shut herself off emotionally to it? Are you teaching her to DO SOMETHING to fix the situation, or to accept it and not emotionally react to it? Staying with your husband who's cheated on you repeatedly, but shutting yourself off emotionally/physically to him...what does that teach her about relationships/marriage? What example does that set for her? What does it teach her to expect/accept for her own future?
Mr. Lucky Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 Is that what you're teaching her? Or are you teaching her to remain in a bad situation, and to shut herself off emotionally to it? Are you teaching her to DO SOMETHING to fix the situation, or to accept it and not emotionally react to it? Staying with your husband who's cheated on you repeatedly, but shutting yourself off emotionally/physically to him...what does that teach her about relationships/marriage? What example does that set for her? What does it teach her to expect/accept for her own future? Yes Desert Moon, I read your entire post. And I couldn't have said it better than Owl has here. Is your circle of Husband, his OW, you and your OM and the various broken and damaged relationships involved an example of the "very high standard for our children" that you're looking to set? Mr. Lucky
jwi71 Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 I would tell her to take care of herself first-to make peace with herself, to let go of people who cause her pain and by that I mean, do not hate them, just set them emotionally free , as you set yourself emotionally free from them. Emotions are volatile, fleeting, try not to make life and death decisions based on emotions. Understand that nobody is infallible but everybody has the capacity and the responsibility to rise above the pain. It is ok to succumb to want-be sure you have the strength to withstand the possible backlash....etc.etc. To me, her answer was pretty clear. She would tell her daughter to live with an abusive, serial cheating rapist husband. That she should hide her emotions from the H and all others and simply "bear it". And if her daughter feels the "want" to have an affair...its ok. Basically, she wants her daughter to live as she does. I find it sad but as DM herself said "she neither wants nor needs help" (That's a paraphrase). I would like DM to explain the phrase I "bolded" above. I'm not sure what she means and I'd like to know - provided she's willing to share.
JustBreathe Posted January 12, 2009 Posted January 12, 2009 Desert I have not read all the posts -- too many for me. I know how it feels. It's 8 years post d-day for me. This has been my experience; has it been more or less yours as well? At first you feel like maybe you can paste things back together. You didn't have a "back up plan" and your kids are young. Then, it's more disappointment and hurt after hurt. You go into wait and see mode while your children grow older. You start to build your own career so that you will not be dependent on him. You make an shaky sort of exit plan, maybe go back to school. You find a middle ground upon which to cohabitate with your husband that involves no fighting, no expression of anger really - apathy. Letting go in stages, very slowly. You might not even know you are doing all these things, it's subconscious. Your daughter is 16. In the back of your mind, you know that in a couple of years you can move out and move on without breaking up your daughter's home. She will be old enough to understand, or at least, better understand than she would have were she, say, 10 or 12. You feel trapped and you use your affair as an outlet. Desert, paint it with any brush you would like, but an affair is injurious and reprehensible behavior as you well know, having been on the receiving end and knowing the devastation you could cause to another woman. I am not trying to make you feel like a bad person, but I think when a woman ends her marriage she should do so with whatever self-respect she can keep. What you are doing with this man is wrong, nevermind what your husband has done to you. It is an unnecessarily painful way to end a marriage. Leave it with dignity.
Author desertmoon Posted January 12, 2009 Author Posted January 12, 2009 To me, her answer was pretty clear. She would tell her daughter to live with an abusive, serial cheating rapist husband Absolutely. Satisfied? Now pat your saintly self on the back and feel good that you are holier than I am. You are going to heaven!
Author desertmoon Posted January 12, 2009 Author Posted January 12, 2009 Is that what you're teaching her? Or are you teaching her to remain in a bad situation, and to shut herself off emotionally to it? Are you teaching her to DO SOMETHING to fix the situation, or to accept it and not emotionally react to it? Staying with your husband who's cheated on you repeatedly, but shutting yourself off emotionally/physically to him...what does that teach her about relationships/marriage? What example does that set for her? What does it teach her to expect/accept for her own future? owl, you want me to say I am suffering, but im not. I have risen above the pain and DID something about it. Like I said in my previous posts, perhaps in the future this arrangement I have in my marriage won't be enough and I would want to opt out, until then, I am ok. Again, I am teaching my child there are options and she is free to take whatever works for her.... that she has the responsibility to rise above the pain and the capacity to excel....do YOU think those things will happen by just sitting down and marinating in whatever bad situations one finds herself in? c'mon this is too simple to understand....really, I am beginning to think YOU want to break me...you want me to succumb to self-pity and self-disgust...its not going to happen...sorry.... I think it is difficult for many people to accept that I have made a life of my own. My husband is a flawed individual, there is nothng I can do about it....but so am I....
Author desertmoon Posted January 12, 2009 Author Posted January 12, 2009 Yes Desert Moon, I read your entire post. And I couldn't have said it better than Owl has here. Is your circle of Husband, his OW, you and your OM and the various broken and damaged relationships involved an example of the "very high standard for our children" that you're looking to set? you know the question on your first post was silly, because you missed the point of my response to jwi71's question, but I forgive you skirting the issue and now riding on owl's. <sigh> Now I have to explain the joke. Mr. Lucky, in America, Asians particularly, Chinese,Indians, Japanese, etc. we are dogged with the stereotype of being NERDS-perhaps the only minority group who can get into an Ivy League school without the benefit of affirmative action and solely on academic merits--sorry you missed the punchline...and I thought it was pretty obvious since I put the smiley there! Im not sure what you mean by the "various broken and damaged relationshps"-I only know of mine. The intimacy is gone, the marriage partnership is strong. The OM's marraige? I have not broken their marriage, if it breaks , it is the OM's problem.
jwi71 Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 Absolutely. Satisfied? Now pat your saintly self on the back and feel good that you are holier than I am. You are going to heaven! Well that reply is lost on me. I would ask you to explain the "everybody has the capacity and the responsibility to rise above the pain" quote. Even though you do NOT need help in your emotional life - I do. I would like to know what you meant by so I can perhaps apply to it to my own sad situation.
Author desertmoon Posted January 13, 2009 Author Posted January 13, 2009 Well that reply is lost on me. Is it? Don't patronize me. I would ask you to explain the "everybody has the capacity and the responsibility to rise above the pain" quote. Even though you do NOT need help in your emotional life - I do. I would like to know what you meant by so I can perhaps apply to it to my own sad situation. It is too simple, if you can't figure it out, what makes you think I want to help you? Besides, I do not really think YOU need MY help. You are sad? Ironic, despite knowing all the answers and finding the faults of others, you can't fix your own life....
Author desertmoon Posted January 13, 2009 Author Posted January 13, 2009 Desert I have not read all the posts -- too many for me. I know how it feels. It's 8 years post d-day for me. This has been my experience; has it been more or less yours as well? At first you feel like maybe you can paste things back together. You didn't have a "back up plan" and your kids are young. Then, it's more disappointment and hurt after hurt. You go into wait and see mode while your children grow older. You start to build your own career so that you will not be dependent on him. You make an shaky sort of exit plan, maybe go back to school. You find a middle ground upon which to cohabitate with your husband that involves no fighting, no expression of anger really - apathy. Letting go in stages, very slowly. You might not even know you are doing all these things, it's subconscious. Your daughter is 16. In the back of your mind, you know that in a couple of years you can move out and move on without breaking up your daughter's home. She will be old enough to understand, or at least, better understand than she would have were she, say, 10 or 12. You feel trapped and you use your affair as an outlet. Desert, paint it with any brush you would like, but an affair is injurious and reprehensible behavior as you well know, having been on the receiving end and knowing the devastation you could cause to another woman. I am not trying to make you feel like a bad person, but I think when a woman ends her marriage she should do so with whatever self-respect she can keep. What you are doing with this man is wrong, nevermind what your husband has done to you. It is an unnecessarily painful way to end a marriage. Leave it with dignity. Justbreathe, thank you for your post. At first, I felt lost, broken AND trapped-the embarassment, the repercussion, the questions, etc.etc. I couldn't bear it...but that was so long ago. If my husband walks out on me, I will be sad but I won't be broken. If I walk out on my husband, I think he won't be surprised either. But we have a good partnership-we are civil and friendly-despite the very rare glitches here and there. I think a woman only feels trapped when she is not financially viable. I am financially viable and I am young enough to still be able to set out on my own....I have no urgent need for it....perhaps I am not "there" yet...life is a journey after all-it is a solo journey.....
jwi71 Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 It is too simple, if you can't figure it out, Use little words and speak slowly? <<Insert Canada joke here>> How about sign language? Braille? Pictographs? A series of audible grunts?
Author desertmoon Posted January 13, 2009 Author Posted January 13, 2009 Use little words and speak slowly? <<Insert Canada joke here>> How about sign language? Braille? Pictographs? A series of audible grunts? why? so I can help you? surely, you jest!
jwi71 Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 why? so I can help you? surely, you jest! Oh. No. Very. Serious. About. The. Pict-o-graphs. I. Am. Very. Good. At. Them. Oh. Wait. My. Mis-take. I. Was. Think-ing. Of. Pictionary.
Mr. Lucky Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 Im not sure what you mean by the "various broken and damaged relationshps"-I only know of mine. The intimacy is gone, the marriage partnership is strong. The OM's marraige? I have not broken their marriage, if it breaks , it is the OM's problem. Even though I'm pretty sure that you know exactly what I mean, I'll play along - You and your H - cheat on each other, he rapes and abuses you on a regaular basis You and your OM - Not on the same page emotionally, you don't put any effort into the relationship and you hold disclosure to his wife like a club over his head Your H and his OW - by your description he's a serial cheater so I can only imagine the bimbos he's involved with Your OM and his W - Their marriage is so great the he runs to you whenever he can - and more than you're comfortable with. You care so much about him that you state that "I have not broken their marriage, if it breaks , it is the OM's problem" Does that clear up the issue of "broken and damaged relationships" ??? Mr. Lucky
Author desertmoon Posted January 13, 2009 Author Posted January 13, 2009 Even though I'm pretty sure that you know exactly what I mean, I'll play along - You and your H - cheat on each other, he rapes and abuses you on a regaular basis I think you have confused me with someone else. I never said that he "rapes and abuses me on the regular" bases. I said he forces me to have sex with him maybe once or twice a year, if that. My husband is convinced that if only I would open up myself to him (so to speak) sparks would ignite. He is dreaming. Please Mr. Lucky, check your facts, before you throw your accusations at me, ok? You and your OM - Not on the same page emotionally, you don't put any effort into the relationship and you hold disclosure to his wife like a club over his head how did I do that? i do not ever want to have anything to do with his wife. I do want to hurt his wife but I realize that her finding out about this affair will surely hurt her so part of our deal is that , it is his absolute responsibility to make sure his wife does not know because I do not want to have to deal with her. OM/MM has a stupid tendency of threatening to leave his wife for me....not going to work, I will leave him and he can deal with the demise of his marriage all by himself. I have no need for him in my life permanently that way. As a friend yes, as a partner, no. Your H and his OW - by your description he's a serial cheater so I can only imagine the bimbos he's involved with I am not interested in my husband's liasons. They have no bearing in my life. Your OM and his W - Their marriage is so great the he runs to you whenever he can - and more than you're comfortable with. You care so much about him that you state that "I have not broken their marriage, if it breaks , it is the OM's problem" whose post are you readng? are you getting the posts all mixed up? I never said their marriage is great. I actually don't know how their marriage is...as far as I know nobody is threatening divorce-meaning, "BS" are not doing that-(it's different from the threat that OM/MM is doing-his is dependent on me). I can only assume,their marriage is not so great considering OM/MM is saying he is in love with me...go figure! Does that clear up the issue of "broken and damaged relationships" ??? Maybe in your mind since you have taken liberties of creating a story of your own.
Author desertmoon Posted January 13, 2009 Author Posted January 13, 2009 Oh. No. Very. Serious. About. The. Pict-o-graphs. I. Am. Very. Good. At. Them. Oh. Wait. My. Mis-take. I. Was. Think-ing. Of. Pictionary. this is too funny!!!! how old are you? seriously, you need to quit, you are beginning to look pathetic. I do not know what your deal is, but I am almost sure you are a betrayed husband and thus the palpable static I feel from you. Look, all the negative emotions that you feel is normal in an abnormal situation ( i.e. break-up of marriage, or cheating spouse)but you are not nailed in that craphole, muster enough strength to get out of it....be a man!
Mr. Lucky Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 I think you have confused me with someone else. I never said that he "rapes and abuses me on the regular" bases. I said he forces me to have sex with him maybe once or twice a year, if that. Well, let's see. Rape is defined as the "crime of forcing another person to submit to sex acts". Since you seem to be such a stickler for details, I'd says your statement covers the literal meaning of both "rape" and "regular"... Mr. Lucky
Author desertmoon Posted January 13, 2009 Author Posted January 13, 2009 Well, let's see. Rape is defined as the "crime of forcing another person to submit to sex acts". Since you seem to be such a stickler for details, I'd says your statement covers the literal meaning of both "rape" and "regular"... Mr. Lucky I think your choice of words are inflammatory--designed to hurt. It is like you want to get me on a technicality. My husband knows I do not want to have sex with him, he begs and begs for it, and then pins me down and I submit to it and I lay there singing a song in my head. Do I fight it, no. I know he will feel horrible afterwards, and he does, without fail. Yes, i guess, you can say it is fairly on an annual basis. What about the rest? you may apologize for the inaccuracies, but that would be too much to ask, i think.
jwi71 Posted January 13, 2009 Posted January 13, 2009 this is too funny!!!! how old are you? seriously, you need to quit, you are beginning to look pathetic. I do not know what your deal is, but I am almost sure you are a betrayed husband and thus the palpable static I feel from you. Look, all the negative emotions that you feel is normal in an abnormal situation ( i.e. break-up of marriage, or cheating spouse)but you are not nailed in that craphole, muster enough strength to get out of it....be a man! I should have listened to my own advice! "Don't feed the trolls!!!!" Doh!
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