I miss him ...

[shesmiles]

I dated this guy for almost three years - we broke up this past august.

We had literally been through everything, We broke up many different times before this break up, but they were nothing that serious, he cheated on me six months into the relationship but I didn't find out until a year later when we had another dumb little break up and I 'tricked' him into admitting to me that he cheated with a girl that I had suspected from before but never really owned up to asking him about it, that was my bad.

 

 

I was really hurt and then I told him if there was anything else I needed to know that he should tell me, And yes there was one more girl he cheated on me with. Nothing serious though (Kissing) but then again what's the difference, Cheating is cheating at the end of the day. I forgave him and we continued dating, we had some good times we were together all the time - everyday after school I was at his house. I loved his family as if they were my own, His sister and I had a great friendship that I cherished. His mother loved me as if I was just another one of her daughters, and I cherished that as well.He had met most of my family, been upnorth to my dads house with me. I had been there for him when his nonno passed away, and I know he was very appriciated by that.

 

 

We thought we'd get married eventually, we knew we'd be eachothers highschool sweet hearts we'd talk about telling our ' grandchildren ' how we met in highschool ... we had out future pretty much figured out, he was my bestfriend and my boyfriend for three years. he knew everything about me, and even after he was unfaithful I still had so much trust for him.We broke up this past august because I wasn't feeling happy anymore, I think it's because we had been so close for the past three years I just needed space, I needed ' out ' for the mean time ...so we broke up and I did something that wasn't very smart. I started dating someone not even a week later: I guess my way of getting over him? I never had a rebound before.

 

 

The new guy and I lasted almost three months until one day I came upon Videos and photos of my ex and I ... I was crushed it was so hard to hear his voice and see us together, It made me open my eyes to reality.. I wasn't over him, infact I lied to myself for three months and did a good job at that, I was still head-over-heels for him..at the same time this all happened I was told he had sex with one of my ' girls ', it didn't hurt me at first, until now. I broke up with my ' rebound ' and then decided I would contact my ex to see where he was with all of this.

 

 

He did not seem happy to hear from me at all, he was rude and told me it was done and he had nothing for me anymore, I was nothing to him and he wanted nothing to do with me... There was no future for us, not even as friends.. That crushed me but I continued texting him, Joked with him a bit and mentioned some old nick names we had for eachother, I could somewhat tell he wanted to budge but he was standing to strong so he texted me back and would say some hurtful things. He told me ' this ship has sailed so you can go back to your new man now '. I'm guessing he's very hurt, I also told him I cheated on him when we broke up just because I hoped he'd never try and messege me,

 

so when I texted him I told him that I lied and it never happened and he said well ' you told me, I believed it and now it's too late'? he's also a very stubborn person just like myself ... I don't know what to do at this point, I've sent him a messege saying I'm done bothering him, I'll leave him alone.. I wished him a good life, but now I have no motivation, I feel like If I bugged him just a little more we could of been talking right now and sorting things out... I feel as if he wants me to contact him he's just being stubborn . I've been having ' morning ' dreams of us ... good memories of us laying down together and kissing saying we ' love eachother ' and memories up at my dads, swimming together and going for walks, holding hands and falling asleep together.. why is this happening now?

 

.....Almost three months into my new relationship I was on my computer with my cousin and I came across videos of my ex and photos of us that were on my memory card for my cell phone.

 

I broke down right there and then with tears that were un-stopable. I told myself that everything would be fine if I gave it a few days and that I wouldnt make any decisions I may regret. Further more things just got worse for me, I became depressed and had to end things with my boyfriend. He still sticks around, as we are very attached to eachother and he knows the situation in detail. I am very honest with him, he says he'll wait around for me because he loves me and wants to have a future with me. Some days I'm doing well and others not so good, I have moods that are unbelievable and I end up going off on my friends and saying things I later regret because I am so frustrated with myself.

 

I have no motivation and for that - I've given up on school for this semester. I dont know what to do with myself in the meantime I am working, But I can't help but think about him and wonder if he thinks about me. The only thing that helps me cope is my ipod which magically has alot of songs that remind myself of him, this sounds bad but listening to those songs and crying somewhat helps.. I've already tried contacting him and it went nowhere from there, he wants nothing to do with me so i've given up..

 

Where do I go from here?

[alwayssme]

I dont know what to tell you...

 

it hurts. simple as that. we just have to ride it out. its really dumb when u think about it how someone you once shared everything with becomes nothing at one point.

[alwayssme]

you go NC for awhile. clear your head and allow him his space. School would ahve kept you busy, I think that was a wrong move. Me and my ex broke up about 4 months ago. It was the worst thing i ever had to go through but slowly im getting better. it doesnt mean it doesnt hurt, but after awhile you just get to that point where you realize life goes on. good or bad its still going on. just keep posting here.

[shesmiles]

Yeah , I don't know ..he definitely hates me .. mind you - I broke up with him . I have that kinda habbit .

[lofi_tokyo]

you go NC for awhile. clear your head and allow him his space. School would ahve kept you busy, I think that was a wrong move. Me and my ex broke up about 4 months ago. It was the worst thing i ever had to go through but slowly im getting better. it doesnt mean it doesnt hurt, but after awhile you just get to that point where you realize life goes on. good or bad its still going on. just keep posting here.

 

Perfectly said Always. Glad to hear you're getting stronger and stronger!

[lofi_tokyo]

Okay! So I just read all of your 10 posts, trying to get a firm grasp on what the situation is here.

 

First off, let me say that I dated my ex for 2 years and 7 months, much like you and your ex, AND, after breaking up with me, he started dating another woman about a week and a half later - I don't know if this is the same as in your case, but he was already talking to her quite... flirtatiously... prior to my ex and I's break up - but we would have broken up anyways, regardless (I think).

 

Anyways, onto your story!

 

Coming from the dumpee's end of things - I'll tell you this - having your ex dump you, then start dating someone right away really ****ing hurts. But you know what? Its good for the dumpee. Why? Because it forces you to move on. I suspect, upon dating the new boyfriend, you stopped contacting your ex, and probably sincerely enjoyed yourself - making it all the more clear to your ex that things were done. Wheres a guy to go other then to move on? Three months isn't the longest time - admittedly, I believe I COULD love my ex again. But heres the thing... three months is long enough to get your dignity back, look at the relationship more objectively, and realize that HEY maybe you don't need this person in your life anymore. If my ex was in your shoes, and realized he missed me and wanted me back? Honestly, I would not get back together with him, though I know I have the capacity to love him again. Why? Because... there are other fish in the sea, ones that won't break up with me and hurt me. And you know, if him and I did get back together things wouldn't improve. Eventually, we'd go back to our sad state of affairs. The fact that you started dating someone else - and it took three months - to realize you missed your ex? Thats really done you in. There is no WAY I personally could go back to my ex knowing he loved another, and was intimate with another woman. No thanks.

 

So. Looking at my story - I guess I'm trying to explain your ex's end of things.

 

But you know what? You two not getting back together is not the loss you may think it is. He's now had 3 months of grieving and being in pain while you avoided your grieving of the loss of a relationship. It sounds like hes doing okay without you now, and each day he'll get better. Now, its your time to start graving. Let go of your ex. He cheated on you, he clearly wasn't that amazing anyways. Come to acceptance that things went wrong, its over, and learn from your mistakes, and ask yourself what you really want in a man. Now is the time to heal yourself.

 

As for your rebound, in my personal opinion I think its best to cut him loose. I think sometimes its really hard to realize you're in a rebound relationship when you're in one, because you want to believe what you're feeling is real. So I sincerely doubt you set out to hurt this guy. But if you keep stringing him along while pinning for your ex, you will hurt him. There are no guarantee's you'll go back to him, and he shouldn't be waiting on a day that may never come. Thats just my two cents on that one though.

 

Sorry for the lengthy response. I hope in some way it was insightful. I realize its biased because I'm speaking from your ex's end, but honestly? After all the greiving and pain I've gone through, it would feel pretty nice to see my ex miss me, and to be able to say "sorry but that ship has sailed". Hes getting over you, maybe not 100% yet, but hes seeing the light on his end, and... in some regards, he has probably been waiting for you to miss him, not to take you back, but to let you know hes gone - because being dumped then seeing your ex love another person is disabilitating, and hes finally back on his feet.

[shesmiles]

OUCH, but the truth hurts.

 

You definitely spoke the truth - DEFINITELY! and your right .

 

I knew he'd love the fact that I'm coming back to him ... I hate that !

 

I stopped contacting him anyways, I completely understand his point of view of our relationship .

 

The only thing is, what if there is hope in the future when we are both more matured and experienced?

 

I know I hurt him, and I just wish him the best and I deserve what has been given to me.

[lofi_tokyo]

First of all, don't be too hard on yourself. It sounds like your relationship with your ex was pretty painful for you - even if some of the cheating was just kissing, thats rough! And breaking up several times - thats hard on both the dumper and the dumpee. So you know, I am sure you have already endured a lot, which is probably why a rebound happened - you had a relationship you really tried to make work fail, and you needed to believe you could have a good relationship again.

 

As for the future? When you're both a bit more matured? You know, I believe anything is possible. And its entirely possible that your ex will someday run into you at a random location, the two of you will get talking, and realize you miss the good ol' days. It does happen. The thing is, thats not something you should wait on. Because honestly? For that to happen you're both going to have to get over eachother sincerely, date other people, and have meaningful relationships with others, and after all that, you'll both have to come to a realization that hey - such and such was really the one for me, I hope I see them again sometime. It happens... but not that often, and furthermore, it could take years for that to actually occur. After all, if you're both going to mature, part of that will include seeing other people, and making more mistakes so that you can learn more lessons.

 

You've been dealt some rough cards. So has your ex. But you know what? Break ups happen to all of us.

 

Personally, I think as you DO mature and grow, you'll realize your ex will always hold a special spot in your heart, but that you can love someone more... suitable. The two of your troubles probably stemmed from incapabilities in the long run. Trust me. I know hearing these things and actually feeling them are two entirely different things. But you'll get there someday, and you'll find a new guy you really do love, and you won't even think twice about that ex who cheated on you and whatnot.

[shesmiles]

Thanks so much.

 

You've helped me alot - this whole website has, I'd definitely recommend it for anyone who's in our situations.

 

I miss him and I always will, I'm trying to let go.

[EmperorR]

Okay! So I just read all of your 10 posts, trying to get a firm grasp on what the situation is here.

 

First off, let me say that I dated my ex for 2 years and 7 months, much like you and your ex, AND, after breaking up with me, he started dating another woman about a week and a half later - I don't know if this is the same as in your case, but he was already talking to her quite... flirtatiously... prior to my ex and I's break up - but we would have broken up anyways, regardless (I think).

 

Anyways, onto your story!

 

Coming from the dumpee's end of things - I'll tell you this - having your ex dump you, then start dating someone right away really ****ing hurts. But you know what? Its good for the dumpee. Why? Because it forces you to move on. I suspect, upon dating the new boyfriend, you stopped contacting your ex, and probably sincerely enjoyed yourself - making it all the more clear to your ex that things were done. Wheres a guy to go other then to move on? Three months isn't the longest time - admittedly, I believe I COULD love my ex again. But heres the thing... three months is long enough to get your dignity back, look at the relationship more objectively, and realize that HEY maybe you don't need this person in your life anymore. If my ex was in your shoes, and realized he missed me and wanted me back? Honestly, I would not get back together with him, though I know I have the capacity to love him again. Why? Because... there are other fish in the sea, ones that won't break up with me and hurt me. And you know, if him and I did get back together things wouldn't improve. Eventually, we'd go back to our sad state of affairs. The fact that you started dating someone else - and it took three months - to realize you missed your ex? Thats really done you in. There is no WAY I personally could go back to my ex knowing he loved another, and was intimate with another woman. No thanks.

 

So. Looking at my story - I guess I'm trying to explain your ex's end of things.

 

But you know what? You two not getting back together is not the loss you may think it is. He's now had 3 months of grieving and being in pain while you avoided your grieving of the loss of a relationship. It sounds like hes doing okay without you now, and each day he'll get better. Now, its your time to start graving. Let go of your ex. He cheated on you, he clearly wasn't that amazing anyways. Come to acceptance that things went wrong, its over, and learn from your mistakes, and ask yourself what you really want in a man. Now is the time to heal yourself.

 

As for your rebound, in my personal opinion I think its best to cut him loose. I think sometimes its really hard to realize you're in a rebound relationship when you're in one, because you want to believe what you're feeling is real. So I sincerely doubt you set out to hurt this guy. But if you keep stringing him along while pinning for your ex, you will hurt him. There are no guarantee's you'll go back to him, and he shouldn't be waiting on a day that may never come. Thats just my two cents on that one though.

 

Sorry for the lengthy response. I hope in some way it was insightful. I realize its biased because I'm speaking from your ex's end, but honestly? After all the greiving and pain I've gone through, it would feel pretty nice to see my ex miss me, and to be able to say "sorry but that ship has sailed". Hes getting over you, maybe not 100% yet, but hes seeing the light on his end, and... in some regards, he has probably been waiting for you to miss him, not to take you back, but to let you know hes gone - because being dumped then seeing your ex love another person is disabilitating, and hes finally back on his feet.

 

Agree 100%, my ex hopped into a new relationship a week after she dumped me, but for the irst month or two if she dumped that guy and came back to me I would have been so happy. Now eh, her not contacting me, me not contacting her has opened my eyes I feel nothing for her anymore, I look back on my relationship and see all the flaws and how she was far from perfect. Especially after she lied saying she wanted to be alone, to treating some new person she just met with more respect than me, I would never ever give her the time of the day again.

 

As a guy maybe even for a girl, that first month as the dumper 95% of the time you can gt back the person you dumped but as the weeks turn to the months, it dwindles.

[shesmiles]

After I got into a new relationship - he got into a new one a week after.

 

And they broke up before myself and the one I was dating .

 

There Reason? I am not sure of the real reason, Just was told she reminded him to much of me.

 

I don't feel the need to love anyone else - I cherish what we had to much to let go it of ... I feel like I should write him, this letter I've written.

 

Tell me what you think .. I could probably add onto it ...

 

Dear J,

 

I miss you almost everyday of my life - I know you don't believe me.

Always thinking about you and it drives me crazy that almost everything in my life reminds me of you. Do you miss me? Don't you think about me? I was in your life for three years. I miss you so much I regret every break up I've caused, I wish things could be how they used to be... You were my bestfriend and boyfriend for three years, and it's hard living my life day by day knowing your no longer a call away and that were actually done.

 

For good? No idea, I hope oneday you can contact me and ask me How I'm doing. I'm hoping you will never forget me - because I will never forget you, Remember our song? Difference - genuwine ... I remember the name but I don't have the guts to listen to the actual song. I listen to my ipod everynight because it seems to be the only thing that helps me sleep, and I listen to songs that remind me of you.. and I dream, Of us .. of our past, I dream of waking up from a nap next to you and kissing your cheeks until you open your beautiful green eyes with a smile and then you kiss me back.

 

I miss your family and eating your italian dinners day after day. I miss being held by you, and having you tell me that you love me ever so much and that I complete you... going for walks late at night upnorth at my dads, both afraid to walk into something hungry and wild. The morning after the night I told you never to talk to me, You came from behind me on the mattress I was sleeping on and wrapped your arms around me and told me you never wanted to loose me... you laid there and kissed my hair and held me.

 

I remember our one year: You cooked and made your upstairs dining table so beautiful with candles, I was very impressed. I miss you beyond words can explain and I know I took advantage of everything.. of you, So I know I deserve this ... and it hurts me so much, I never ment to hurt you when I found someone so soon, You know nobody will ever be able to replace my ' bubbaganoush ' ever ... you mean the world to me and as much as I want to be over you, I know I'll never be. I'll always have you in my heart, You were my highschool sweet heart and if I never see you again, and if there really is no future for us.

 

you will be the story I tell my kids and my grand kids. You truly made me happy even if we fought over the stupidest things, I want you to know I'll never forget the first day we kissed. The first time we made love - I lost my virginity to you ... that was so special to me, You truly are something amazing even if you did me wrong. I forgave you because everyone makes mistakes and because I know you were truly sorry. I can't shake this feeling that you will come back to me when I'm partly healed. Come to me now if anything ... I miss your touch, Your voice, Your Family and your love.

 

I love you J , You know that.

 

Love, S

[EmperorR]

He probably got in a relationship, after you did to make you jealous or whatever. I almost did the same to my ex when I realized that she was talking and dating a new guy, I told her best friend i'm fien dating new people when I was at home crying in my bed just to make her jealous lol anyways.

 

 

Nice letter, but don't send it. Sending a letter is the worst thing you can do. Anything you think that will help will instead push him away further trust me.

[shesmiles]

I actually sent it: my girls encouraged me too ...

 

they said it's best he knows how I feel ... And I added alittle onto it ...

 

I made a new thread for it ...