desperate for support needed

[bkaz01]

so here it goes again if anybody read my previous post u know the situation and if u dont please check them but any ways to sume it up...

after three years of an off and on up and down relation ship my x gf said she wanted to take a few days to think about some things and after threee days of this she said she wanted no contact and changed her number now whats crazy about this is the factthat its the 4th time she changed it. now before she said she needed to think we were gettinga long fine and the week before thanks giving she was saying how she missed me and wanted to see me. we broke up on sept 3rd....

 

so anyways to make a long story short i agreed to the no contact obviously i had no choice so sunday night she was on im which she is never ever on unless her number is changed and we talked and she was sayin she cant talk to me she hates me and will never see me so the next 2 nights the same thing tallked on im for about a half an hour each night got a little better but by no means were we fine. so last night at about 1045 i geta call she seems to be fine and we talk like nothing was wrong she says she wantes to come over so she does we have sex 2 times she was here for about two hours and it was so great she was saying how much she missed me and how much she misses the sex . so she leaves and calls me when she gets home to say goodnight and said she was glad that she saw me..everything is cool i leave as i would like to talk to u but ill leave it up to u call me when u want or text me she says ok...

 

and today she didnt call at all and did not come on line- im so confussed i dunno what to do in this situation any body got any advice as to where this could be going or what she is thinking...i love this girl and wantto be w her but what do the things she is doing mean...please help thanks to all the reply

[DSM-IV Tom]

Ok. First things first.

 

You got used. She used you for sex and to alleviate her feelings of loneliness.

 

Secondly and finally:

 

This is what you need to do.

 

Tell her you love her very much and you want to be with her more than anything and you don't want to hear from her until she's ready for that.

 

Then cut her off 100%. Block her on the IM. Erase myspace/facebook. Don't contact her. Delete old emails. Erase pictures. Cut off all contact til she contacts you back.

 

Don't ask. Just do it.

[Angel1111]

You've talked about this before and I think several of us told you she'd be back. You think that because you love her that it's going to change things. Mentally she is totally screwed up and it can't be fixed. You love someone who is unstable which makes this an unworkable situation.

 

When is she going to do this to you again? Next week? Two years from now? Who knows because she's unstable and unpredictable. You don't want to hear it so you'll just keep ignoring the advice until you finally see if for yourself - but love is not enough. Period. I'll say the same thing to you that I said to someone else - let yourself heal from this and find a normal person who doesn't go crazy on you every-other-week. You cannot live with this kind of insanity. Most of the time I tell people to fight for the one they love. But I won't say it in this case. Because it'll never work. You'll just waste more and more of your time on someone who drives your life into the ground. I'm sure she can't help it. But if you don't get yourself away from this crazy life, you won't have one left.

[DSM-IV Tom]

Ah angel I was not aware of the past. I didn't know she suffered from mental issues.

 

My updated diagnosis (And yes this is quickly becoming my trademark, but I never say it unless I mean it):

 

Run

[bkaz01]

ya she has had issues in the past before i met her she was in college for one year and had to drop out cause she couldnt take it. she told me stories how she was ocd and had to bleach every thing and was on meds before i met her i saw she was taking prozac at one time and also she told me she was taking anti depressants sometimes when we were togethre one was called fluoxitine...not sure on the spelling. she has diabetes and drinks and her gram is bi-polar also she told me she dont need anti deprassants any more but i think she does cause sometimes she says how she wishes her life would end she did it sunday saying no one apperciates her and this and that i dunno i wanna get away but its hard when u love some one..

[Angel1111]

As I said to someone else in another post, I have a lot of sympathy for people who have such deep mental and emotional issues. I can't imagine what this is like to live with. But while I have compassion, I have no desire to get involved with them. I realize that loving these people does make it hard to walk away from them but unless you want this to be the story of your life for the next 25 yrs, then you need to find the strength to walk away for good. I can't offer any other advice because her problems aren't fixable and, therefore, you're at an impass.

[bkaz01]

any one help

[DSM-IV Tom]

We have helped. We told you what you need to do.

 

What kind of help are you looking for? Are you asking us how to save her? Because we already told you to run... so if that's not the answer you're looking for, then what are you looking for?

 

She has problems. You can't fix her. Time to let go. Or her problems will forever be yours.

[EmperorR]

Run, all she's using you for is her sexual desires and a emotional puppy. Cut the cord and run, why do you want someone like that who has mood swings daily and doesn't really care about you.

[bkaz01]

i duuno if she is using me or just completely confused on what she wants or a combo of both

[Geishawhelk]

Neither of these issues is your problem, or within your ability or remit, to fix, understand or cope with.

 

These are her problems.

That you are enmeshed in them, and seem to be thinking they're for you to figure out - is your mistake.

 

R

U

N....!!

[californiadreaming]

I may not be much help because I have a tottaly different scenario, but it sounds like you are letting her control you. I would say to sit and talk to her, I would never think that you two communicating each others feelings could be wrong if you two were mature enough to do so.

 

But because she is not stable, who knows? Maybe there is something in her head that tells her /makes her feel better to control situations / people. idunno man, If I were you I would honestly cut off all contact FOR along time. the only thing that it can do is if you want her, she we'll come back to you, and you can resume the ball in your court. Or you can move on. But you waiting around online or making yourself avaliable for contact is desperate as my fellow loveshack advisors have explained to me.

 

do your own thing, make yourself better, and keep it hella NC homie.

[lonelygurl]

"I can't offer any other advice because her problems aren't fixable and, therefore, you're at an impass. "

 

I don't agree with that statement. She would be able to manage her disorders by taking her medication and getting therapy - long term therapy to work out whatever issues she has.

 

Until then it is best to stay away because she is using you like a yo-yo

[bkaz01]

if she has had problems in the past its safe to say they just dont go away right i mean honestly if she was depressed i nthe past this brealk up has to be affecting her some what even if it was brough on by her and i mean the confusing thing is she changed her number but has called 2 times in a week and talked to me on im

[bkaz01]

why does the holidays make breaking up 10 XX harder i know deep down i DO love her