datura_noir Posted December 13, 2008 Posted December 13, 2008 My (now) husband and I have survived the dreaded infidelity issue, about 2 years past now. Support and and encouragement are offered by us, through me. My husband is not one to post on ANY site, and I know this and respect his position. However, he has no objection to me being here, given that I was the "victim" of his mistake. I will post our entire story at a later date...My fingers are not used to typing, and I have so much to relate. Our story is familiar to many here, and I actually frequent this site on the marriage/partnership board as a lurker. I think I have posted a total of twice; in infidelity and other person. Tonight I am here because: I am a compulsive relater, and since my hubby is gone on business and I am alone, I felt like connecting a little further and giving this wonderful site a new post to respond to! Seriously; I have just started school again for the first time in ten years, and I feel elated and inspired and I have had a whiskey, so I want to be totally open and available to anyone that has a question of the betrayed spouse... My views on relationships may be a little skewed, but I have been all over the map throughout my life (I'm 43), as an OW, a BS and a WS, so my experiences DO count for something!!! This subject interests me greatly; not only for my own healing, but for a view of humanity that you don't always get "face-to-face". People tend to show the facade of the life they have in real life and here we can all be real (I hope so).
american-woman Posted December 13, 2008 Posted December 13, 2008 What are you and your WH doing to make sure it doesnt happen again?
Author datura_noir Posted December 13, 2008 Author Posted December 13, 2008 My great reply timed out; bottom line- we both pay attention to EACH OTHER- Sex or no sex- Attention!!
llama Posted December 13, 2008 Posted December 13, 2008 How were you able to forgive your husband after all the hurt and pain he caused you? And knowing that he was able to hurt you like that?
OpenBook Posted December 13, 2008 Posted December 13, 2008 My (now) husband and I have survived the dreaded infidelity issue, about 2 years past now. Support and and encouragement are offered by us, through me. My husband is not one to post on ANY site, and I know this and respect his position. However, he has no objection to me being here, given that I was the "victim" of his mistake. ... I have been all over the map throughout my life (I'm 43), as an OW, a BS and a WS, so my experiences DO count for something!!! This subject interests me greatly; not only for my own healing, but for a view of humanity that you don't always get "face-to-face". Um, am I the only one who sees the irony in this? You claim to have been on all sides of the infidelity issue, yet it still hurts when it happens to you. Do you really understand it better, now that you've been on the receiving end of it? Will "your own healing" involve ceasing your own unfaithful behavior? Or does it even matter - do you view it as "two different things," as it were?
Author datura_noir Posted December 13, 2008 Author Posted December 13, 2008 Perhaps I didn't make myself clear; I have not been a WS or OW in my current 10 year marriage. When I was 18, I met an older guy (30), who I fell "in love" with and moved in with. He said he was divorced-the truth was that his wife had just moved out a week prior, and she filed for annulment (smart girl!). A year later, I was married to him,when he was arrested and imprisoned for drugs. While he was in there, I met a man and became pregnant with my son, before I was "officially" divorced. That is my experience as OP/WS.
Author datura_noir Posted December 14, 2008 Author Posted December 14, 2008 And to clarify, my position as the OW did not hurt the wife-she wanted nothing to do with him, only to get as far away as possible. She annulled the marriage before I entered the picture and took off and never looked back. My role as the WS as well did not hurt my husband-he had been sentenced to 55 years with no reduction, had been in prison for eight months,and divorce had been filed and in motion for 6 months. He had also been a big-time player with waaay too many "lady friends". My husbands' infidelity, on the other hand, devastated me. I have been in love with him for a long time and he was mortified at what he'd done. I guess my roles were merely technical as opposed to being a party to actually hurting another person.
Recommended Posts