williamz Posted December 13, 2008 Posted December 13, 2008 Went out with my ex entire freshman year of college. September to around June when she started backing off, when she went home for the summer. Had sex when we got back to school in august, then broke up for good. I have been puzzled by the whole situation as it didn't make any sense, nothing happened. So after some Limited Contact recently I finally just let my anger out about the situation. And it led me to find out she cheated on me all the way back in February. This came as a total shock to me cause as of that time she seemed madly in love with me. I took her out for Valentine's Day, took her on vacation to the beach, introduced her to my family, got her flowers, etc. all after she had cheated on me. Since she doesn't have any feelings for me anymore, she really doesn't feel any remorse after I found out. I got pissed at her, but she's passed the point of caring, even calling me pathetic because our relationship didnt last a long time (yet she was the one asking me about kid names, calling me her soulmate, love of her life etc.) She even introduced me to the guy she cheated with (i was unaware at the time of course). I can't even fathom that. So I'm basically here just ranting away because it's so far past the point of the breakup that friends and family don't really want to hear about it anymore. I'm not as mad about losing her or the act of cheating, more-so the fact that she hid this for so long. And manipulated me until she felt she was ready to move on. If she just told me at the time, I could've been healed months upon months ago. I even attempted to break up with her, and did for a couple weeks in april, but allowed her to cry her way back. which she now admits to me as her "wanting the temporary affection, while we were at school, until she could have the summer break to get over and move on from me." The only good thing I guess is if we had stayed together I would have never known about the cheating, and I could've been with her for years unknowingly. I just hate cheating so much, it broke up my family. my father cheated on my mother, so i had to grow up in a split household. And I would have bet anything that this girl had not cheated on me. Now it seems that anyone can and will. And I feel as tho I won't be able to fully trust a woman again. Thanks for listening to me rant.
norajane Posted December 13, 2008 Posted December 13, 2008 The only good thing I guess is if we had stayed together I would have never known about the cheating, and I could've been with her for years unknowingly. You may not have known about the cheating, but I doubt you would have stayed together for years. Because: I even attempted to break up with her, and did for a couple weeks in april, but allowed her to cry her way back. There's a reason you broke up with her, and whatever that was would have reared it's ugly head again and you would have broken up again. I would hope you wouldn't have taken her back a second time just because she cried. You also wouldn't have stayed together because, as a cheater, she had one eye out for someone else. Cheaters don't seem to realize that the pain they cause isn't just from the cheating, it's from knowing they played you for a fool, willingly and repeatedly and deliberately. I'm sorry, I know that's not much comfort. You already know you're better off without her. But, all women are not like that, all women don't cheat, and you will one day fall in love and trust again. Just pay attention to your gut instincts and don't let anyone cry their way back into your life when something's telling you it's not right. Love is a wonderful thing, but love does not have to be blind. Keep your eyes open, listen to your gut instinct, and don't rush into anything remotely resembling marriage until your relationship stands up to at least a few years of time together.
motive2002 Posted December 13, 2008 Posted December 13, 2008 Cheaters don't seem to realize that the pain they cause isn't just from the cheating, it's from knowing they played you for a fool, willingly and repeatedly and deliberately. Amen. It's probably the most awful form of deceit there is. A betrayal of trust. Love is a wonderful thing, but love does not have to be blind. Keep your eyes open, listen to your gut instinct Bolded for emphasis. The best advice you can get. Your gut has some pretty fabulous odds at being right. I was in the same boat as you. Dated a girl years ago, broke up later that year, then she confessed to me that the weekend with her ex when they went to a orientation up state that they slept together. If you take anything from this.. try your best not to be that person; the cheater. Give trust, and show that you are trustworthy. When someone is trusted to do the right thing, they will more likely do it. When they're hounded with suspicion, the odds swing the other way. But do listen to your gut. It is your best and only radar on the situation.
EmperorR Posted December 13, 2008 Posted December 13, 2008 Being Cheated on sucks, it sucks being dumped but knowing you betrayed and your trust in that person shattered. I don't wish that pain on anyone.
inulg Posted December 13, 2008 Posted December 13, 2008 you know whats weird? i think we're subconsiously drawn to these types of people... like you said you had cheating in your family... and then ended up with a cheating girlfriend... weird isnt it?? i 'm not sure if thats the case for you, but for me and several others its happened (for me i had an abusive father, and i wound up dating an abusive man...(*cough cough* i mean BOY! LOL ! abusive BOY.)...
EmperorR Posted December 13, 2008 Posted December 13, 2008 And to add I know your trust in women is shattered at the moment, but you find someone great trust me. I've been there man, 3 years with my ex and cheated And dumped me showed no remorse, I was so we saying I'm done with women relationships etc., that was in september, now it's December and I found this amazing girl I didn't want to get close to her because inwas scared etc., but screw it I'm stronger now. If there is one thing I can say being cheated on makes you stronger, I was a shy person a doormat in my previous relationship now nope. Time heals trust ms
Surfer Dude Posted December 13, 2008 Posted December 13, 2008 And to add I know your trust in women is shattered at the moment, but you find someone great trust me. I've been there man, 3 years with my ex and cheated And dumped me showed no remorse, I was so we saying I'm done with women relationships etc., that was in september, now it's December and I found this amazing girl I didn't want to get close to her because inwas scared etc., but screw it I'm stronger now. If there is one thing I can say being cheated on makes you stronger, I was a shy person a doormat in my previous relationship now nope. Time heals trust ms Hey at least now you can spot women like her easily and you learned so many valuable lessons that will come in handy at some point. You'll be able to spot cheating, lying, you won't take BS anymore and you will deal with things differently. Maybe these breakups are a lesson that's meant to prepare you for further relationships and experiences I think. I know I'll deal with things totally differently from now on, otherwise all the pain I went through would be a waste.
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